for some reason i know your here..., jesus, a ton has changed in the last 2 years, but i'll NPH this bitch later...

for some reason, i thought of change and shriek went through my head.

I ran the other day, and i was ok with it. even though it was because my ma pissed me off so much i was flustered....


and because i said ma, i wanna watch boondock saints...

but my sound is dead! damnit....

house is back. i love it.

so there i go...

small update, but its somthing...

so, went to the doc for a follow up apointment, come to find out that there are only 2 more steps between me and surgery...


fun.



so now i'm taking 2 pills before lunch, 2 before dinner, and 1 before sleep if need be...

after that they swich me to a different drug, more powerfull and less doses.




and if that doesnt work the'll be inside me...


only time will tell...




off to work, laterz!





....god that was such a gay send off...

*whistles*

i think i thrive on change. it makes me think. makes me try and put a spin on things, work angles. i dont know why i say this, but i see myself YET AGAIN wondering why dont i get off my fat ass and go fucking work out.

why?


why not?


i know there are more things wrong with me that there are right, but i fear that in fixing the things that are wrong too much will change. too much of anything is never a good thing.

i think my sub concious just needed to get somthing out, either that or i'm watching too many guy richie films as of late.

i'm a busy man with many opourtunities and has his hands in many things. but when i think of why i should go down and run, or why i should go to the gym in the morning, i freeze.

i come up with excuses that make no sense only after i can't reverse my decision.

i think that its my subconcious trying to stop me from changing.

trying to stop myself from being healthy.

maybe its because my family has always been fat...

maybe it because that if i lose it, i will have the pressure of keeping it off...

maybe its just cause i'm a lazy fat peice of fuck...



maybe...





maybe i should stop typing and go workout for a bit...




....... but i dont know where my headphones are....

i'm such a dick....

i write this as i'm almost falling asleep... wish is sad cause i'm 24 and i'm f*ing tired at 11:28pm on a saturday night...

i dont know what i'm doing, but i felt like bitching... this is my space and all....



god DAMN i wish i was in ww.... fucking work....

ricardo is there, and my girl is there, everyone is there... but i sit here, updating mail merges and trying to hunt down alumni...


*sigh*

sleep finds me...

I'm done...

the wasting of time is over...

damnit...

i'm losing my mind, and i have no way of stopping this.

i think i'm becoming a pathological liar.

i lie to strangers to see if they belive me and to get what i want.

i lie to get my way.


and i need to change...


so here it is, linked to stumbling friends, that i am un-installing the demon that is stumbleupon.


i will put out an alumni newsletter.

i will make plans for my bed.

i will spend my time being social.

i will do things that are important.

i will enjoy life.

i will do what i want.





i will not blog again until something important comes up.


























Family: mad that i was thinking about getting a new vehicle without paying them off first, other than that, helped them furniture shopping last weekend... so alls well.

Hobby: nope...

Social: hanging out with Grant and Melissa. also Tyler and Melissa.... too many melissas in my socail life.

Money: Taxes are coming back and going right into my subaru, cause i killed it in december. I'm trying to figure out how i can pay all my personal debts by 2010.

Work: *deep breath* opened the new store, got some bonus money, ran the new store, kicked ass harder than any new (3years or younger) store, had an increase in sales going into the off season in a recession, made things work with companies other stores forgot, worked hard to get these accounts from the neglecting stores (neglect = competetors look better) to my store or at least sherwin, boss gets fed up with driving 1 1/2 hours to and 1 1/2 hours from work each day, boss quits, dont get bosses job, get a rumopr mill started about me because i treat customers right and people will go out of their way to come to ME cause i know their buisness and i care, get stressed about being in charge for about a month 1/2 and now having a boss.... pretty sure that sums it up...

Females: I love her. and damnit if i dont do somthing stupid i might be stuck with here forever. lets hope i'm smart.

Drama: My only Drama is work drama, and who cares about that. so what if all of madison thinks i'm a backstaber. i get the job done when they suck. oh, and i am the destroyer of cars.

School: I've talked to herzing and concordia university, i might be going back as soon as i can get the cash.

Friends: Doing the same old shit, just hanging out with the PC when i get home. but i have been watching LOST with Lane and Mooney allot more lately.

Health: The acid reflux is back, i'm on 2 pills a day, i get a tube shoved into me to see whats going on next Wednesday. When asked if i had any signifigand weight gain lately i explained that i used to be 200lbs a year ago and now i'm 220... i dont know how a 6 month old could latch on to me in a year and i dont think i'm out of shape....

Song: Julia Nunes.... LOOK HER UP!!!

Last Laugh: Kari and how A.D.D. she is

... no, not young Asians with power... just a great and powerfull scream that can be heard over the rooftops.

useually i proclaim this as loud as possible when i know no one can hear me, espacially in the car (i have MANY more serious mental issues, thats one of the fun ones.) but this itme, this time its for a reason i have talked about on heree entirely too much and have done nothing about.

i yawp because i need to change. i have just gotten back from finding out i blew YET ANOTHER headgasket, yes, i'm 2 for 3 in totaling cars (some mexicans did tiki in... rest in peices...). wich makes me think of my money situaton, wich i havent been doing so well oon...

granted, i havent been in the red or having to beg, borrow, and steal ...


as much...


but its still looming, that i dont have control. not that i NEED control, but damnit, i need to be comfortable and if i cant save enough for emergencies then i'm not in control.

ontop of the car issue, i have work. i love my job, way too much. but the fact of the matter is, i dont see the bright and cheerie future anymore. i see me stuck in some dead end store that i cant do anything about. i have this great opourtunity of being at a new store, and i get fucked by no bonuses and no support.

YAWP!!!

god damn. i just cant win. i finally havent been having any of my really bad acid reflux problems. i went to a nutritionist, and all i have to do is lose some weight, et better and keep taking my meds...

wake up an hour earlier, workout, and actually get a meal in before work...

doent sound hard at all... but fuck no, i cant do that... I'll sleep in just cause i want to...

YAWP!!!

damnit.... i'm naked, i shaved my hair off, i have a ton of laundry to do, and i have no money for food or rent...


fuck me sideways...