The Non-Discrimanatory Bitch session

ode to Cyndi

2011-12-20T23:10:00.000-06:00

for some reason i know your here..., jesus, a ton has changed in the last 2 years, but i'll NPH this bitch later...

ch-ch-ch-chaaaanges

2008-04-28T20:36:00.002-05:00

for some reason, i thought of change and shriek went through my head.

I ran the other day, and i was ok with it. even though it was because my ma pissed me off so much i was flustered....

and because i said ma, i wanna watch boondock saints...

but my sound is dead! damnit....

house is back. i love it.

so there i go...

small update, but its somthing...

horse pills...

2008-03-27T09:19:00.002-05:00

so, went to the doc for a follow up apointment, come to find out that there are only 2 more steps between me and surgery...

fun.

so now i'm taking 2 pills before lunch, 2 before dinner, and 1 before sleep if need be...

after that they swich me to a different drug, more powerfull and less doses.

and if that doesnt work the'll be inside me...

only time will tell...

off to work, laterz!

....god that was such a gay send off...

scorpion...

2008-03-26T20:50:00.002-05:00

*whistles*

i think i thrive on change. it makes me think. makes me try and put a spin on things, work angles. i dont know why i say this, but i see myself YET AGAIN wondering why dont i get off my fat ass and go fucking work out.

why?

why not?

i know there are more things wrong with me that there are right, but i fear that in fixing the things that are wrong too much will change. too much of anything is never a good thing.

i think my sub concious just needed to get somthing out, either that or i'm watching too many guy richie films as of late.

i'm a busy man with many opourtunities and has his hands in many things. but when i think of why i should go down and run, or why i should go to the gym in the morning, i freeze.

i come up with excuses that make no sense only after i can't reverse my decision.

i think that its my subconcious trying to stop me from changing.

trying to stop myself from being healthy.

maybe its because my family has always been fat...

maybe it because that if i lose it, i will have the pressure of keeping it off...

maybe its just cause i'm a lazy fat peice of fuck...

maybe...

maybe i should stop typing and go workout for a bit...

....... but i dont know where my headphones are....

i'm such a dick....

damnit

2008-03-15T23:27:00.003-05:00

i write this as i'm almost falling asleep... wish is sad cause i'm 24 and i'm f*ing tired at 11:28pm on a saturday night...

i dont know what i'm doing, but i felt like bitching... this is my space and all....

god DAMN i wish i was in ww.... fucking work....

ricardo is there, and my girl is there, everyone is there... but i sit here, updating mail merges and trying to hunt down alumni...

*sigh*

sleep finds me...

Stumbleupon Seppuku

2008-03-05T19:43:00.002-06:00

I'm done...

the wasting of time is over...

damnit...

i'm losing my mind, and i have no way of stopping this.

i think i'm becoming a pathological liar.

i lie to strangers to see if they belive me and to get what i want.

i lie to get my way.

and i need to change...

so here it is, linked to stumbling friends, that i am un-installing the demon that is stumbleupon.

i will put out an alumni newsletter.

i will make plans for my bed.

i will spend my time being social.

i will do things that are important.

i will enjoy life.

i will do what i want.

i will not blog again until something important comes up.

Family: mad that i was thinking about getting a new vehicle without paying them off first, other than that, helped them furniture shopping last weekend... so alls well.

Hobby: nope...

Social: hanging out with Grant and Melissa. also Tyler and Melissa.... too many melissas in my socail life.

Money: Taxes are coming back and going right into my subaru, cause i killed it in december. I'm trying to figure out how i can pay all my personal debts by 2010.

Work: *deep breath* opened the new store, got some bonus money, ran the new store, kicked ass harder than any new (3years or younger) store, had an increase in sales going into the off season in a recession, made things work with companies other stores forgot, worked hard to get these accounts from the neglecting stores (neglect = competetors look better) to my store or at least sherwin, boss gets fed up with driving 1 1/2 hours to and 1 1/2 hours from work each day, boss quits, dont get bosses job, get a rumopr mill started about me because i treat customers right and people will go out of their way to come to ME cause i know their buisness and i care, get stressed about being in charge for about a month 1/2 and now having a boss.... pretty sure that sums it up...

Females: I love her. and damnit if i dont do somthing stupid i might be stuck with here forever. lets hope i'm smart.

Drama: My only Drama is work drama, and who cares about that. so what if all of madison thinks i'm a backstaber. i get the job done when they suck. oh, and i am the destroyer of cars.

School: I've talked to herzing and concordia university, i might be going back as soon as i can get the cash.

Friends: Doing the same old shit, just hanging out with the PC when i get home. but i have been watching LOST with Lane and Mooney allot more lately.

Health: The acid reflux is back, i'm on 2 pills a day, i get a tube shoved into me to see whats going on next Wednesday. When asked if i had any signifigand weight gain lately i explained that i used to be 200lbs a year ago and now i'm 220... i dont know how a 6 month old could latch on to me in a year and i dont think i'm out of shape....

Song: Julia Nunes.... LOOK HER UP!!!

Last Laugh: Kari and how A.D.D. she is

YAWP !!!

2007-12-03T19:00:00.000-06:00

... no, not young Asians with power... just a great and powerfull scream that can be heard over the rooftops.

useually i proclaim this as loud as possible when i know no one can hear me, espacially in the car (i have MANY more serious mental issues, thats one of the fun ones.) but this itme, this time its for a reason i have talked about on heree entirely too much and have done nothing about.

i yawp because i need to change. i have just gotten back from finding out i blew YET ANOTHER headgasket, yes, i'm 2 for 3 in totaling cars (some mexicans did tiki in... rest in peices...). wich makes me think of my money situaton, wich i havent been doing so well oon...

granted, i havent been in the red or having to beg, borrow, and steal ...

as much...

but its still looming, that i dont have control. not that i NEED control, but damnit, i need to be comfortable and if i cant save enough for emergencies then i'm not in control.

ontop of the car issue, i have work. i love my job, way too much. but the fact of the matter is, i dont see the bright and cheerie future anymore. i see me stuck in some dead end store that i cant do anything about. i have this great opourtunity of being at a new store, and i get fucked by no bonuses and no support.

YAWP!!!

god damn. i just cant win. i finally havent been having any of my really bad acid reflux problems. i went to a nutritionist, and all i have to do is lose some weight, et better and keep taking my meds...

wake up an hour earlier, workout, and actually get a meal in before work...

doent sound hard at all... but fuck no, i cant do that... I'll sleep in just cause i want to...

YAWP!!!

damnit.... i'm naked, i shaved my hair off, i have a ton of laundry to do, and i have no money for food or rent...

fuck me sideways...

Hiro

2007-09-05T23:51:00.000-05:00

so, the last few days i've been spending my time doing few things.

my car window broke, and me being me i thought i could fix it. but i think i should just have the profetionals look at it. i was thinking about my new boss and how he kinda does his own thing even though some people thing he's the biggest douche in the world. but he got really far, really fast... kinda how i'm going...

other than that, i've been finishing out HOUSE M.D..... i emulate that man so much.... i kinda wish i could be like him , the specialist. the go too guy... but without the vicodin issues of course.

i've also, in the last two days, started heros...

FUCKING CRAZY

i love that show... i'm glad i can watch it on DVD, no comercials...

i'm gonna have to plan work arround "my shows"

*sigh*

a life, being social, all the things i wanted...

now, i want more.

bob sagat

2007-08-26T20:29:00.000-05:00

you know, i've been wanting to sit here for some time now and just get this over with. blog, and get some of these things out... *gets food and beer* ... thats better, now i'm ready.

where do i start? well, useually i'd start by going "wow its been too long" or "fine, here you go cyndi" but this ones gonna start like this.

--

i was listening to Don Mclean's American pie today at my new store. and realissed that things can change, for the better or worse, but you gotta dig those rythm and blues.

i know that doesnt make much sense, but honestly, when do i ever?

i've been sitting on my hands for quite some time. doing nothing much with my time. sleeping and eating, barely paying bills and going to work.

that in and of itself is going well, i work in sunpraire now at a brand fucking new sherwin williams, wich is really nice to be proactive for once. all my efforts to move forward at the old store were for naught because of the old ways the store has 'always been' and it pissed me off. i caouldnt do new shit and everything i tried to do failed.

so now i start in a fresh new store, wich i'm going to stop talking about, because its all i talk about in real life, and this si my realse... and thathas nothing to do with sanity.

i live in McFarland with Ryan Mooney now. wich is nice. hes hardly arround, and has a job. somthing i'm getting used to, a roomate with a job that does stuff. heh. i do miss the west side a bunch, but thats the past, the frustrating past. too much time being badgered to hang out when i didnt want to, but when i wanted to do anything, it was styfled.

now i spend time in the hot tub, reading, watching dvds.

and then i got internet and tv.... its been almost a monthe sence i have had MY OWN... stealing internet coneections was awesome, but damn if it wasnt flustrating. but we have verison and dish now, so Andy happy boy.

Krystal spent like a month up here , and that was somthing i could really get used to. not just cause she was bored enough to do my laundry, but because i really liked having someone to come home too.... besides mooney and Ted The Cat.

i have a nice big room, that i have yet to perfect, i think i'm going to move the bed, but thing is, i still have to make my new bed. i really still want to, but i think a new dresser is going to be first.

to buy that is.

i can handle making a bed, thats easy, but a dresser is a touch more complicated thing than what i want to takle right now. seeing as i havent done shit on this bed for years now.

i'm suprised anyone takes any timeframe i give them seriously, i cant even meet my own deadlines.

i think i'm gonna be in this place for a while. i was in the last place for oer a year, and it felt like longer... watching that place disintigrate was aweful, but damn, now i have a well kept space, and i'm finally moved in...

it took way too long, but i was starting the new job allong the same time as the move, so thats my excuse.

i dont know when i'm going to start working out. i have to , absolutly have to.

i have a new strech mark.

not in the normal places, or allong the ones my tits gave me under my arms, but about 2 inches away from my belly button.

depressing.

the guy who would be shirtless before anyone said strip, is now somewhat self concious of being a chub.

but damn, if meatballs arent the tastiest thing ever.

tonight i hope i can go to the kar-ah-oh-kee with Mr Tyler Lane and friends, maybe branch out and meet new people.

--

had a messed up dream last night, with kivi and joia in it about a waterpark... it was messed up.

--

i miss this. i think it'll happen more...

holly shit, this could be my hobby!

what a depressing hobby....

Family: Grandma's in town, wich means ma's a bit pissy. but krystal passed with flying colors, i knew she would.

Hobby: same ol' shit, but who knows, now that i'm settled in Mcfarland, i'll branch out.

Social: workin on it... i think.

Money: the accountant thing is working, if i actually listen to him... wich i havent yet

Work: I'm currently the ASM of the newest store in the whole company. had a grand opening saturday and its all down hill from here. getting my own shitty, run down store soon...

Females: was basicly living with me, and i liked it, and we didnt want to kill eashother, except about a spice rack... but whatever...

Drama: Erin. paul dumped her. she owes me money. yea, this wont go well.

School: I think i want to go back to school for a chemistry degree...

Friends: hanging with mooney and the lanes. i wish i could get down to platteville more, i mis grant and melissa.

Health: so, that acid reflux... hasnt happened sence i stopped taking my pills... i know its stupid, but damn its nice to sleep again.

Song: back to my ol ways of ben folds and jack johnson

Last Laugh: Bob saget, you should allwatch his new stuff on HBO... its exactly how i think... bad and evil, but it is...

lemonade...

2007-05-23T22:48:00.000-05:00

So. Here we are again. i've been gone so long (cyndi... ) because aperintly blogger was bought out by google, and i had to jump through some hoops to get my acount re-activated. But its all good, for the longest time i said to myself 'i got nothing to say, my life isnt really that interesting right now.', and that was that, no going into it, no making that extra effort. i was just lazy.

I was in WW for UT and i saw cyndi, the one who keeps complaining about how i never blog. she seemed interested in my nothingness of an existance. well, i figured what happened to me? i used to indulge the masses with my drivle, make up words (see; drivle), and be all out there and not care or give a fuck what people say or think. well, that person isnt really who i am anymore.

i really does suck writing that. but over the last months, i've become more of a sponge for beaurocracy than ever. i mean, in the past i only used my powers for evil (getting into school over and over again, getting out of trouble in the dorms, getting my grades changed, or influincing the smart girl in class that i was worth giving the answers too). but now, its all changed. and it makes me ashamed.

I put my work before almost everything i do, never my girl, cause that just cant happen, i cant ruin what some stroke of luck/benevolent being/fate brought me. but sadly, i've recently realised it has come before family. both families, mom and pop, and the fraternity.

there are things in my life that i cant understand, and lately its been why i want to thrive in chaos. for instance, today i SHOULD have gotten up and got some money donating plasma. I SHOULD have went to the gym. I SHOULD have gotten some of my bills figured out. I SHOULD have folded the clean laundry i've been spooning with on my bed the last week. I SHOULD have ... oh man, i didnt shower today.... but you see what i mean, i CHOOSE not to do those things, sub-conciously i think i can survive without them. and i think its because of what i was. The guy who was invincible, the guy who could do anything, the on-call guy, the planner, the plotter, damnit

i was awesome.

lately i feel like the bathroom atendant from boondock saints. that guy must have been a bad ass in his day, he knows everyone, and he still knows whats going on in his circle. but hes moved on (him: blindness, me:work) and thats what i feel like. I dont really know how elce to explain it.

its not a depressing thing... hell, let me rant about money... now thats depressing to me. but damnit, i just wish i had at least one more of me (no, not so i could have a threesome without there being too many gay jokes) so i could still be a good person for all the people who have been good to me and have gotten me to this point. they deserve better than a corporate whore like me that cant keep his finaces strait.

damn, maybe i should blog more... that felt good...

thanks cyndi.

btw, i own a subaru legasy now. yes, a grocery getter... but i bet i can haul more dead bodies than you can.

Family: they bailed me out again. but i cant really help it. mom threw away all of my old Maxims, wich ment i got an IMIDEATE call from my little brother asking me to buy more... hes just got to learn to hide them better...

Hobby: all i really have is this, myspace, facebook, and the hopes of getting a hobby... and i kick ass at call of duty online.. BOYAH!!

Social: I really dont want to hang out with people at work, its not a spite thing, its just that if i do, all i have is work. so i think i'm going to be branching out soon, when i get a set scedual and stop going in on my days off and such...

Money: so on monday tenitivly, i'm going to be sitting down with an acountant to figure my shit out... i hope

Work: so, i'm really coming into my own here, we got through a WHOLE mess of drama, got a good amount of employees and i think the fact that we didnt fail completly gives me a good amount of credibility. i cant wait to have my own store, but i have allot to learn still.

Females: god shes great. if i lose her, either by doing somthing stupid on my end, or not trying hard enough to keep her... you all get free reign to yell at me ass long as possible.

Drama: Erin is moving in, and i'm SURE theres a good possiblity i'll piss her off at least 4 times a day.

School: I havent paid a CENT on my student loans yes.... is that a bad thing?

Friends: hanging out with Tyler Lane and some of Tommys friends from work... but there kinda crazy and all they talk about is relay drama.

Health: so now i have a pretty severe case of Acid Reflux, or an ulcer... who knows... but i'm taking meds. its kinda depressing because i always prided myself in not having to take anything, having 20/20 vision, or no alergies...

Song: Tally Hall - Bannanna man.... thanks u-boat

Last Laugh: Probably Erin not knowing what, or how a garbage disposal is/works

A cool september rain...

2007-01-20T16:04:00.000-06:00

thats what i'm in the mood for. Somthing to symbolize new beginings. i'm finally at a spot i thought i wouldnt get to for a while, Happiness. I know its cheezy, and whatnot, but you know, i love what i have and if you cant love that, your doomed to keep searching.

just felt like saying somthing helfway deep.

so i'm poor and my job is going to piss me off... i say going because i know i'm going to get thrown under the bus by my boss and shits going to have to change arround work. but you know, that could be a good thing. things are just too lacidazical at my work. It sucks that i'm going to get blamed for the shortcomings, and i hope it doesnt affect my reviews and whatnot... but who knows. i'm going to try and use it as an excuse to get shit done at work. i need compitent people. about half my staff are idiots, and they hardly listen.

I kind of have a hobby now. I'm peicing back a few computers so i caneither upgrade or sell them off... like 150 for a decent computer, depending on how much i have to invest in them. so if anyone knows anyone that needs a new computer, let me know i'll see what i can do.

I've got a pass to the princeton club in madison here, and i like it. i've been playing a good amount of raquet ball and i'm gonna try and get a morning ritual going on. probably doing it afyter work, clearing my mind... or before so i can have more energy at work. I'm gonna try and eat better too. paul helped by getting my groceries last week, almost all stuff i can make a ton of meals from without going to Wendy's. and just when the 6 peice nuggets are on the dollar menu... bad timing, but oh well...

on that note, me and phil are re-scedualing the mexico trip, i feel horrible doing it, but i'm fucking broke. even though i work all the fucking time.... its sad really, i'm over worked, but i have a nice vacation coming up.

i'm using part of my 2+ weeks of paid vacation time to go to NYC for the superbowl (I know its not in NYC, i'm just going there to watch it... on tv), i know, it doesnt make much sence for me to go to NYC to watch tv, but damn.. its been 5 years sence i went to NYC to live for a summer, and i miss it. plus i feel bad that i havent gotten back to them. but i have been poor. but when tickets were 78$ for round trip, Fucking A man, i had to go.

then a few days with the girl. shes great, the only way i can describe it, great. anyone who's been arround me in the last 10 months has seen how i am, i'm changed from who i was in college, but you know, i like who i am, and what i feel arround here is somthing i dont want to miss, ever.

i know i have a way to go, but i can imagine myself, wandering arround at dusk in the rain. just letting the rain wash over me and smiling.

oh, and happy 3rd birthday blog...

Family: i got their old king size bed, wich rocks. never slept better. there realizing i have my own life, and i feel bad that there becoming less a part of it.

Hobby: i have to find time to make a bed, but the computer thing is starting out ok.

Social: I still don't get out, but going to the princeton club i have meet some new people, and i keep getting invites from people at work to hang out...

Money: sat down today at the kitchen table and depressed myself.... anyone need some favor done for cash?

Work: time will tell...

Females: 10 months... i think the return polocy has expired, heh. great, i wish everyone could be as happy as i am... except that guy.... fuck that guy.

Drama: i don't have time for drama, except the ocasional leak from WW, thats about it.

School: ... i would say thinking about it, cause i am... but not too seriously...

Friends: workin on it, still schooling Slim at R-ball

Health: I had kidney stones shortly after the last post, and i'm ok now, i just have to treat myself better. and the tumns was a fucking good idea.....

Song: Gym class heros. all i have on repeat....

Last Laugh: hanging out at the bars last night to take the edge off.....making fun of dennis of course...

look out, more than one update a month...

2006-11-30T22:03:00.000-06:00

short and sweet, i'd like to highlight some of my previous posts, so i'm gonna be perma-linking them to some part of my MySpace profile... so i can acess them easier

like Circle of Death rules... for you young'ns

or my rants that make sence

or my really good analogies...

so there, you happy cyndi? i'm comprizing a 'best of peanuts bitching'

I had to poop the whole time, but I held it off because I was on a roll...

2006-11-27T21:54:00.000-06:00

ok Cyndi, here you go...

even though none of you keep up on your blogs, i guess i'l update mine, even though i am addicted to myspace now... maybe thats what i'll tell you about... my scedual.

'cause a good amout of people i used to hang out with have recently asked me what i do with my time now. is it harassing the local rodent population? is it finding new ad interesting ways to make the neigbors trike fly over the next building over, yet sill be intact? is it plotting and sceming to take over the world? is it binge drinking and trashing hotel rooms arround the nation?

nope.

i work. its sad really, i was thinking if the time when i came out of my shell, after my summer in NYC, i was cool back then, the hellion. i've calmed down, ricardo helped, but i messed him up ...so i guess we kinda switched off. but man, those days were awesome.

now what do i do?

i still sleep in, but i've got 3 clocks with 3 different times on them, just so when i get up i can freak out and jerk myself awake just thinking i MIGHT have slept in.

i try and get up 2 hours before my shift, because i figured out that i can work out, eat, shower, dress and get to work in that time... what do i actually do? i wake up 15 minutes before i ABSOLUTLY have to leave, then i get to work all tired and shit.

i work. i work my ass off. i have to cause my store is full of slackers. i wont get into it, cuse i respect my job, and i dont want to go on too much of a tirade.

i come home and then my ritual starts. i useually start by making some jokes at pauls expence, or complaining that he doesnt do anything, then i go to my room, check my messages, go on myspace, go on YouTube (cause they get shit before ANYONE). check out FARK.com and then just sit there.

granted,m i'm useually talking to the girl, but most of the time i'm just a bump on a log.... and dont get me wrong, thats all well and good to wind down after work. but christ, i sometimes sit here till like 11pm... its sad really.

right now i'm blogging because of cyndi. yea, she just complained once, but you know, shes always groping my girlfriend, so i think i owe her somthing.

but thats it. i dont do much. i need to do more. and if you have any sugjestions (that dont involve "Keep[ing] my name out of that hole in the fat fucking piece of shit attached to what you might consider a body"....i had to, i just had too....) are very much welcome. i'm gonna try eating healthier, going to work out more, and drinking water... maybe

till next time.... and no, groping my girlfriend does not a post make (unless your as hot as she is, heh)

Family: been hanging out with them more, now that i cant beg too many more people to shanghi Krystal to come up to madison... so i get to drive her. and when i have to make my new bed frame, i'll be hanging out with them more. i got to talking about my brother last...2 nights ago, and its setting in that i'll be takeing care of him when i get older and after my parents pass on...

Hobby: i'm itching to start on my 'new' bed... i say new cause my 'rents are giving me there king size bed... i cant wait to start woodworking again.

Social: I don't get out much, but when i do its fun. its mostly hanging out with tommy and paul getting shitfaced playing drinking uno, or at the bar with the silks and paul. its not much, but its what i got time for.

Money: still kinda broke, owe paul for house bills and the new dishwasher... oh yea, and the student loan people FINALLY found me... damnit

Work: i could go on for a whole fucking post, but in light of the 'summary' i'll keep it short. i work too much, but i love my job. we just had a full timer leave us, soi get shitty hours, cause the manager opens, and i close. i'm getting a shit ton of respect and recognition. and theres a few store manager positions opening up soon.... you never know.

Females: damnit, i kept her arround too long, now i gotta either get rid of her, or get her a christmas present... too bad i dont have any reason to get rid of her...

Drama: well, all i have is work drama. other than that, its just other peoples drama i get to deal with, wich is not my place to put on here.

School: wondering who i can talk to at UWW to see if i can do a 'van wilder' and graduate with some bullshit degree... i mean, i put in 10 semesters at that fucking place...

Friends: been hanging out with Rachel (Slim) more lately. its always fun, she hasnt heard all my stories... i should write a book.

Health: I broke down last night and bought Tums... thats right, i have acid reflux... and it sucks ASS. other than that, i'm slightly balding, gaining weight and getting lazier... but i have been getting 3 square meals a day (well, at least meals...) so i hope the motabolism will kick back in soon, with the help of vitamins.

Song: Lately, its been 'God's gonna cut you down - Johnny Cash' dont know why, it speaks to me about mortality and no matter what you do, sooner or later, god's gonna cut you down. so live like you should and do whats right.

Last Laugh: Probably hanging out with Cerqua at KFC or Thanksgiver

one month on average, like bleeding

2006-09-13T21:50:00.000-05:00

so its been ENTIRELY too long.

i think i've matured out of blogging, i dont know. but things are going well, i had a sick day from work, my acid reflux/heartburn is kicking my ass. i feel so old saying that.

but anyways, whats been going on? Today i got less of a death trap of a car, i took care of getting new tires and actually got a great deal, happens to be the junk yard owner's son has my same car and had 4 tires just sittin arround he sold me the tires and rims for 40$ a peice...

i still say i'm not lucky, i'm good.

Work is work, i have allot of good ideas on what to do and it is about time for another miraculous idea that will make them realize why they hired me to the position. i think i'll do an overnight some night and just *POW* have it done. or somthing like that

i have been slacking in the whole getting healthy to go base jumping thing, and i feel horrible about it. the whole acid/heartburn thing is because all i've been eating is crap lately... i gotta stop that.

The girl is awesome, and even if she messed up, i forgave her cause of that one word, that sums up emotions, oh what is it... it starts with an L... and is useually samwiched between 'I' and 'You'... so i got that going for me.

social life is still non-existant, but whatever, we have drinking uno now, and i have a set scedual so i have every friday and saturday off. wich is VERY conducive to parting.

i'm gonna paint my place soon, so expect picks..... in like another 3 months when i update...

OH YEA!!!

just cause i know he reads this blog, i have to ask you all for stories.

What streotipically KIVI thing has Eric kivi ever done to you?

heh, just want some stories

till next time...

fore score, and seven minutes ago...

2006-07-29T02:00:00.000-05:00

so its been a while, and i left you all hanging there wondering what was going on with me. that is awesome, thanks for those who care.

i got the job.

i'm happy, stressed, but happy....

but now i'm really really drunk ad my mind is flowing on many of things.

let us revert to the fact that the name of this blog is the nion-discrimintory bitch session, so i dont discriminate. i spell horribly, but i dont discriminate, if i got a problem, you should know before its on here.

i've been with Krystal for a little over 4 months now, and i enjoy every second i have with her, shes a keeper. i acknowlage that. but lately i've been buged about one thing from my past. the fact that my last love, Kari, not stunted me, but i cant find a better word for it. i cant think of saying i love you to krystal. and i think its because of that past relationship... i might just be being a sentamental guy seeing as it was pretty much this time last year i thought i was with the perfect person that... poof... jjust stopped loving me. maybe that si holding me back. i know i want to be with krystal, but i know know that jumping in with the L word too soon will do weird things to a good thing. granted, when i say it, i damn well mean it. hell, its still hard to not say some diriviative of it to Andrea when i call her (wich reminds me, i drunk called her on the stumble home.... ooops...). I'm not a promiscuous man, even though my persona depicts it. yes, i woudl like to be on the prowl, but why?

i have a wonderfull lasss, that may not know better. i feel bad, dating a young girl, not so far in college to expereience life. i dont want to smother her and be the only thing shes got. honesltly, i would be upset, but understanding if she found somthing better when she gets back to uww. buti cant think of that. shes my girl, i do think i'll use the L word when i'm good and ready (even though it'll be taken as sarcasm like everything elce in our relationship...). but for now, all i do is think about the past...

it bugs the shit out of me that i'm loding the relationships i've had with friends. Dennis is married (no you didn't miss the wedding, unless your reading this after august 16th, 2006... then you did). hes already a 'responsible' adult. doing married things, like buying a condo, getting joint checking accounts, having his woman tell him what to do, not having free time. but were all growing up and i have to accept that. Tommy has been my good friend for years now, and were drifting apart fdaster than ever. granted some of it is my fault for not really liking some of the BS that leah pulls, but thats another rant COMPLETELY. but were on totaly different sceduals, so we can never hang out, and when we can, its interfering with leah time, wich i can bow too. cause she gives better lovin than me, heh. but still, all paul does is play video games and never want to do anything but go to the bar and yell at me when i have to go home so i can work.

i'm rapidly losing my social life and it scares me. Soon all we'll have is a monthly card game, that the wife willl yell at 33% o f us ofr spending gas money on, 20% of us will get called home because the baby is not going to sleep. and 50% of us will have jobs that will in some way or another will interfere.

i just cant wait for the day when i know its all disintigrated, when one of my life long friends, one of my bvrothers will, when 'catching up' will try to sell me somthing for his work because he has nothing better to talk about. that, is when i leave. i know i cant live like this. i know it wont be ferris forever, but damn it, i can try to hold on to my friends cant i? i can TRY

well then on to somthing completely different... what elce has happened sence we last talked.. or you last read.. or whatever *checks last entry* pretty much nothing, but the job, has changed. i'm not working at Harbor House anymore, just cause i cant find time. i'm making a SHIT TON (almost 2 G's before taxes the first real paycheck...BOYAH), and i'm gaining respect like a motherfucker.

i just need to get a life.

all i do is sleep, and work. i want to do things, but i STILL have the morning mentality.

*sigh* i cant think anymore, too drunk... i'm to the heavy eyes, cold sweat portion....

Family: So it was my parents ##ed/th anaversary (yeah, i'm a horrible son and i dont know how long the've been married...ask them what year i was born.... i dont feel THAT bad).

Hobby: I've consolidated them all into a closet... no... not the dead bodies, but the shells of PC's i'm hopefully going to work on soon... i gotta get 100% moved in first...

Social: need to get one of those.. all i have are my dreams, and the people who know me... the bartenders at the Old Town Pub..... sad...

Money: actually vomfortable enough that i MIGHT be able to pay of my personal debts... maybe

Work: Assistant Manager of a 2.5 million dollar store. My own desk. My own buisness cards. My own responsiblity. my own control to not burn myself out.

Females: i thuroughly enjoy the peresence of my female companion. VERY MUCH SO. that is all...

Drama: Leah hates me. and i'm not too sory about it. dont know why i'm not, i'm useually a pretty laid back guy about bull headed people, but for some reason, if tommy and Leah ever got married, i'd have to seriously think about atending... i love my bro but damn he attracts the PSYCOS

School: non-existant at the moment. after school officially starts i'm going to consult the person i should have schmoosed to get into school, before my promotion, to see if i can work a school scedual arround work... good luck me...

Friends: I need more variety. seriously...

Health: I'm worried about my hands.. all those years of cracking my knuckles, i think somthings wrong with my right hand... it just feels old...

Song: not sure, i've been on random allot lately, but after picking up the ben folds;live in perth dvd, yea, back on Ben Folds...

Last Laugh: Mooney talking about how bill and ted had the right idea on the vasis of all religons..."Be excellent to each other, and Party on Dudes!"

of times to come, in oh... 11 1/2 hours

2006-07-05T00:38:00.000-05:00

my life is about to change. i hope. I find out about my promotion to Assistant Manager of the Madison East Sherwin Williams tomarrow at 2pm. and all i can think about is how this is a rather large turning point in my life. Yea, i've had full time positions of good stature before (Kitchen Designer for Home Depot) but this, this is somthing i can truly say i can be proud of and that i've done what needs to get done to get here.

I've proved myself in so many ways that the only things that Paul (District Manager) has told me thats a concern is that i have an "excess of customer service". This means i talk too much and i help customers too well. Kind of a bullshit answer to give for not getting a job, but it does make sence.

Also the fact that i'm 23. yes Blink 182, i know no one likes me till april 6th at 3:17 in 2007, but the fact is i'm young. And i'll have 3 people under me that are the same age or younger as me, and a few that are older. Frankly i dont know how to deal with that. i have so many ideas, but i dont know that store that well to make myself over assertive or what now.

The store is a training store, so i know i'll be able to get the training i need, and i know that my frienship with Jason (my old Assistant Manager from Beloit) and everyone that i've come into contact with will help me allong with the logistics of the job.

But its gonna come to the fact that i'm going to be in charge to an extent. that i'm going to be the man that should know the answers. Responsibilites. Power. influence.

i'm on the verge of having the first actual taste of these things without having the "I just work here" excuse, or "i'll ask my manager" or "i dont know whats going on, i'll just do my thing and keep my nose down"

not any more. I have 'Day-mares' (you can have day-dreams, so why not day-mares) that i'm going to choke. that i'll get overwhelmed and fire off in the clutch.

That i'll lose my natural ability to preform when it absolutly needs to get done.

......

the only thing i have going for me.

a good friend and i had a chat about that ablity lately, the conversation was about how i can be counted on, and that when i pull through in the clutch, it comes outmore spectacular than he could ever imagine.

but i wasnt there for the rest of the game. 1st 3 quarters i'm a slacker and a lazy son-of-a-bitch. my words, not his. this made me think on how much i've relied on this power i have.

Everyone has there power, their specialty, mine is pulling through and taking chargge when it NEEDS to be done, when it CAN'T be done.

but now, if i get this job. i have to be the 'go to' guy constantly. the on call guy. the one that should fix it before calling the last ditch manager.

stress......

already. stress.

i'll get the job, if not, they have larger plans for me. but man, i need somthing to happen soon. this move to madison was great, but i've been working raged lately and not having time to do anything. all my friends are useually busy all the time, and i havent really met any new people.

i'm in the working world. not making money, not making friends, not having fun.

this is the only thing i can think of that would fit to break that monotony. that would keep me sane. so i wouldnt HAVE to work 13 hour days. so i wouldn't HAVE to work just to make ends meet. so that i can have some sort of a life. so that i can maybe make a trip to theresa, or summerfest that doesnt involve finishing a job.

wow, its like i havent vented in a while.

well, i should have another onestill coming after i hear from Paul on wednesday.... in now, 11 hours and 3 minutes...

god damn it, why couldnt he have told me last week... then i could have celebrated...

i better get to sleep, i have to be up at 6am. I want to be, i feel inspired to finally do what i've been wanting to do for quite some time.

If I get the job at East, i'll have to travel across town on the busy belt-line, so i'll have to leave early ("your early, your on-time. your on time, your late" - Ed Hale)

This also means i'd have to be awake and diligent at any hour of the day, open or close. so no rolling out of bed and going to work. Jason got away with it, but he was so damn good no one was going to say anything. I cant do that. i have to be early every day, awake, and ready to go. I have to show a dedication to the guys that i'm working with that they lack. I need to know my shit so i can get a good repor with the customers. I need to be more sucint with people and not 'over sell'

I need to sleep...

and take my own advice...

1.) Large glass of icewater, bigest you can find.

2.) Long poop whist NOT thinking about what is stressing you out.

3.) Sleep

untill tomarrow...

have you all stoped reading? cause I know I stoped reading yours.

2006-06-17T12:31:00.000-05:00

so its ben a little while, nothing much has happened except me getting a second job and tommy basicly moving up here. but thats enough for an update.

my new job. i dont have a specific title yet, but i'm basicly the head matinence man's assistant.... wich means he does his thing, i do mine, we get work orders and fix shit. PERFECT. mindless labor and its great. I figured i needed a new job because i couldn't eat let allone pay bills on time. and after an argument at the OTP (the old town pub, our new watering hole, where we{me, paul, erin, tommy, and soon U-Boat} are already regulars, free picthers and all) i decided to suck it up and give up some of my precious sleep time.

Not sence working at applebeez and home depot have i worked 2 jobs at once, but these are fitting remarkably well into eachother. I wanted to work more of the morning shifts at SW because i liked having the rest of my day to be productive. this new job does that for me. I work at Harbor House (the matinence position, and the place i live, i'll get into that later) from 6 or 7am to
noon or whenever i feel like i'm done so i can have 2-3 hours to myself to wind down, take a shower (manual labor is sweaty stuff) and get ready to work 2/3-8 at sherwin, wich is going VERY well for me right now.

but first the story of my new job. I went thursday or friday, got the ap, turned it in the next hour, got a call on monday, started on tuesday morning. They gave me keys, were asking me my opinion on how to do things and what should be done and basicly doing it my way cause they had NO idea. I'm working for Bruener realty that just aquired Harbor House apartments, wich is where i live now. so i'm looking forward to getting a rent reduction allong with a paycheck. Now i put on my ap that i wanted 8 an hour, wich for what i've been making with the last 2 jobs, that would be good money on the side, seeing as i'm making 11 at sherwin. well, the second day the owner tells me that hes gonna give me 10 an hour plus rent reductions that the'll figure out later.

what a sweet deal! working at the place i live, for more money than i requested, more responsibility and trust right off the bat, and knowing more about construction than my boss (he thought it would take me all day to miter a bathroom.... i was mad i screwed up 2 peices and it took me an hour tops). he asks me for advice and actually uses it. but hes a great landlord type, dont get me wrong, building is not his strong suit, thats why i think he gave me a raise the first day, he knows how to run apartments.

so, so far so good, its only been a week though. what did i do thursday and today? well, i'll just copy and paste my away message to tell you...

what a shitty job.
- come in whenever,
- 'test' the sauna and hot tub
- gawk at 3 hot aledged lesbians while doing it
- leave when i want
- tell my boss he was "grabbing his ankles"
- trusted with writing in my time, not a swipe card
- and given keys to everything on day one
- getting paid $2 more than i asked for a starting wage

i love this job

yea, what a find for me, i love it...

On to whats happening at Sherwin Williams. SO. theres a whole bunch of moving arround hapening in my district.

after consulting a source of all evil, i decided not to put insider info on my blog...

i like my job too much.

needless to say, i'm moving up fast, but the thing is, they might have me move down to the janesville store... but i JUST got used to madison (not the belt line, fuck that joint), so i'd want to comute... and they BEST pay for that...

and seeing as i'm pretty sure my old ASM that tought me EVRYTHING i know got the job as the manager of the janesville store.

so people. Should i take the job if they offer it to me?

Should i drop the second job if i'm full time and getting benifits?

should i go to an 'on call' basis for Harbor house if i get that job?

should i just not worry about it and deal whit it as it comes?

should i go back to the pool and stare at the three hot girls sunbathing?

who knows. only time will tell.

oh yea, and if your THAT bored, go to my MYSPACE site and watch some of my videos i have up there.

Family: Fathers day is going to be nice, spending the afternoon ith the fam. i went to see my borther at state special olympics and he did awesome. just like adam, right before the finish line in the 50 meeter freestyle swim, he knew he was in 5th and 6th was WAY far off, so he did a little flip in the water to showboat. Thats my little bro.

Fraternity: sorry guys, but this is being replaced with Hobby: i'm going to start dabbling with computers again. between my frankenstein and the 3 other pc's i've aquired i should be able to make atl least 2 more decent to nice computers for myself, then maybe sell them or use them as backups.

Social: once i have the moeny, i can get the kachkis...

Money: Still poor. Havent called the acountant, but i'm gonna wait until i know whats going on with Job#2

Work: Job #1 great, could be moving up, will be UBER upset if i dont get a good raise at least. Job #2 awesome, see above. Job #3 they just upped the donation rate for new doners... and i get in under a loophole.

Females: i should be cuddling with her right now, but she couldnt make it down. i think shes just as pissed about it as i am, but shes getting her license tuesday (knock on wood) and then i better see her more. Plus i think uboat is stealing her away for me next weekend.

Drama: huh....i guess the only drama i have is that i have a girl that is FAR away and i dont know how long i can go like this...

School: so MATC took 30$ out of my checking account at a VERY inconvenient moment... but thats all i got right now.

Friends: I'm getting to know my employees alot better, and there are a good amout of folks arround the joint i'm getting to know. so its getting better. i cant wait till uboat and tommy get up here. it'll be GREAT.

Health: I'm doing allot of Physical labor out in the sun and whatnot now, so i'm losing weight. also the fact that i cant pay for food leads to weight loss also. but the bad thing is, i'll eat whatever we got arround.... those lime flavored cherries could be a meal soon..... and yes, i said lime flavored cherries.

Song: at the exact moment, Avenged Sevenfold - Bat Country, but the one song i've been jammin to lately is either Gnarls Barkley - Smiley Faces and Ben Folds Five - Philosophy

Last Laugh: had to be somthing at the OTP, or giving plasma, theres a good amout of liberal folks up here in madison, imagine that!

title accidentaly deleted, oops

2006-05-24T19:03:00.000-05:00

i think i'm ....heh just a sec...

i had a job interview once, and the lady said "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" i said "celebrating the 5th year anaversary of you asking me this question!"

ah mitch, you are missed...

aaaannny ways....

I think i'm becoming a morning person. I KNOW but today i got up and was on top of my game by 8am... and i was up and going at 630... thats an hour an a half wakeup time... i think i'm gonna ask my manager to put me on more of them, cause if i get a second job, i'll like the closing shift there, cause more than likely it'll be later than 8pm...

the thing is, i like leaving work and not having to wory about closing... i've done it so long that its become routine, i get up arround 11-3 waste a good portion of the day, go to work, get back and waste the day cause theres nothing open. mostly cause i can call people like buisnesses i owe money too...

sorry, i got distracted by my patio door bein ripped open by the fucking hurricane....

not that you guys could tell, you just keep reading like nothing happened, daddy just had a rough day at work, and you getting bad grades doesnt help....

whoa.,.... that was justa weird little rant...

anyways... i think i can do it, open constantly, i enjoy the shift, and dont mind the people. and if i dont get done, i can pass it off on other people.

plus i should get up and excersize, then i'd have energy and be productive...

shit, i think i found the answer to my lazyness...

i'll start tomarrow.

cause it might be a cure for lazyness, but not procrastination.

some random rablings

2006-05-24T17:35:00.000-05:00

i was sitting on the shitter, having the 'humid shit', the one that te second you start, your INSTANTLY covered in sweat, not unlike living in a day like today, kinda humid... hence the name....

i digress...

i was thinking for some reason that i should spend the day in cleaning. i was shocked. because what i was looking at was a few stray hairs that fell out (yes, we all know i'm slowly balding... very slowly) and got to thinking about the last bathroom i had. the dank, mold infested, shitty as all hell ferris 2nd floor bathroom. the one that pretty much every party goer either puked or pissed in or on.... not too atractive.

that got me thinking about how not having ferris is going to do wonders for the actives. they will have time to live on there own, and not have a slowly degrading main area. yes, there wont be good parties, but there will still be brotherhood. and that made me happy.

just a thought i wanted to share...

so why havent you blogged lately?

Does this all seem weird to you?

2006-05-23T11:08:00.000-05:00

so here i am, the first 'summer' post. even though i've been out of school for a while now, i think when i'm DRYING at work cause i have to wear pants, i declare it summer. so because i havent been on as much as i wanted to be, i'm gonna do the extended ending sentences again... so here goes...

Family: So i went home to beg for cash, wich i hate doing, but i had a conversation with my dad i should have had a while ago. i told him that it was his fault that i know what i know, and that i'm so good at what i do. basicly its his fault i'm so cocky. i think he took it well, and were going to be making a new bed design that is rather sweet if i do say so myself.

Fraternity: i'm sure you guys will survive, andyou know i'm here for you. my anklet is still on and the tattoo is forthcoming.

Social: i've been out to the bar scene downtown twice. First time i ended up playing the role of the gay friend, watching the purses as they went for drinks, cock blocking, and watching the drunken idiots drool. needless to say i was agrivated, because at that time i wasnt with Krystal, wich ment i wasout on the prowl and was new to town, fresh meat. but no, i didnt even get a good night from half of the party i was with. those sluts... the other time was for Voldens birthday, wich was OK, but nothing thrilling. Still lame, but better. i think i'm gonna stick to branch street for now...

Money: Still poor... but with te ability to have an 1/8 a tank of gas and not worying how i'll get to work, is AWESOME! i dont have car insurance, wich sucks balls, but i couldnt afford it, wich is stupid for the way i drive. rent is getting paid and the what not, but its come time to ask for help, and not just a loan from a brother or somthing like that. i'm going to meet with Erin (dennis' fiance) 's dad. he's an accountant and did wonders for dennis so i'm hoping he can help me out, i'll be budjeting... how weird is that...

Work: so the new place, is weird, but i'm aclimating well. I've already taught everyone there at least 2 new things about products or the computer system. I applied for the assistant manager position when the current one quit like 3 days after i got there. the interview went spectacular, but i didnt get the job. The district manager had heard good things about me, and continues to hear them. hopefully once i get a buisness plan i'm working on (to have me be a district wide 'trainer/teacher') i'll be up for promotion. maybe to an ASM, or to that position i would propose. who knows, but i know i'm kicking ass and taking names at this place, and if it all keeps going this way, i'm gonna be a big shot soon!

Females: nope, not single. against all logic and the "3 strikes" rule, i'm dating Krystal (yes, that is the third K name in a row for you keeping track at home). its another long distance thing, wich most people are leary about, but thats all i've ever had. and even the ones i had at close range we never saw eachother, so i'm used to talking online and getting sexually flustrated and not being able to do anything about it. thing is, even when she moves back, she'll be in Whitewater, wich is a ways away... not that i'll never come back, just not often. and even then it'll be an hour drive, instead of 2 hours. but you know, this girl is somthing else. i'm not going to get into it, just meet her and you'll see what i mean.

Drama: well, i've been torn between borthers as of late, i told tommy i would live with him if he got a job up here and it looks like he will get one, but i'm signing on with Paul and U-boat to live in a 2 bedroom with a niiiiiice loft (wich i claimed) so i'm still in the middle of it with those two groups, but logicly paul and andy are counting on me, and the've helped me out , not that tommy hasn't but i'm not going to be able to move out till august, and the 3 room place can be covered until then.

School: that was my reason for getting up at 5:40...AM.... yes i said am. i got all prepaored and such to go to the MATC campus and apply for their Design program. things went well until she sencd i was getting cocky, and asked to see a portfolio and basicly said i know allot about the smallest section of design. i promptly gave her a mini faux class when she asked what the new trends were, and she was somewhat quizing me and i tthink i passed. it went ok, but the person i need to talk to is on vacation, so i'm screwed until a week before classes start. worst case senario, fall 08', more than likely senario, fall 07'... either one SUCKS BALL SACK. but if i can get a portfolio made up and impress the HELL out of the lady in charge, i might be able to put my experience to good use. but i'm still going to be looking elsewhere, maybe uw-madison or another small school arround here...

Friends: havent made many new friends outside of work, andd by many, i mean none. I need to get out and explore more, but i havent had time lately. yea, its sad, i know people in town, but they arent the same, were all grown up and such... its lame.

Health: Once i get done with this blog i'm going to go to the gym until i have to go to work, i think i'm sleeping tooo much so i dont have any energy. i'm relying on red-bull, because i'm getting used to coffee, but it doesnt effect me. i think i'm imune to caffine. my tremors are getting weird, there few and far between, but vicious. i cant wait till they get the spa fixed here...

Song: Dani California - Red Hot Chilli Peppers... you know, the've been arround sence 83'... the year i was born, and they still kickass (wich reminds me, watch their video)... ALSO!!! you should all check out GNARLS BARKLEY, my most recent CD aquisition... sweet ass stuff

Last Laugh: Ulitowski last night at work, jumping arround with ducttape arround his ankles and tied up, being chased by phil with an apliance dolly... CLASSIC!!

Faux Painting

2006-04-30T22:10:00.000-05:00

So this is what i've been doing at work for the last Hurah. I got a 7' by 20' area to 'do that voodoo you do so well'. i got this "gift" because the other guys at my store dont really like selling, just showing and telling. so they used my tallents and there going to reap the rewards. ah well, i'm proud of it and seeing as this is what i plan on doing in the future as a profetion, i'd like to think these are good peices. (click on them to see more detail)

this is my 'frotage'. esentially its doing the standard off technique (painting the wall like reagular, mixing a glaze and paint to the right consistancy, applying theglaze over the dried paint, and then using whatever applicator you want to take off the glaze), making it look like a wall paper patteren i selected. i was a little off on the color selection, but the technique was dead on if i do say so myself. this one is fun because it uses the bags you think your going to use that you end up accumulating 50 bajillion of from walmart or sentry to take off the glaze.

I had fun with more OFF tecniques, seeing as their not as well known but i think easier to do if you have a helping hand. not only that but they tend to use more product. hey, i'm in sales, so sue me. But i really like these color combinations. i kind of cheated and took a booklet of color combinations from work and used them, because i am sure that the guy would rater have them in one central book to they dont have to go looking arround every wich way or guess what colors they are. all four of thse are off techniques, 2 using a natural sea sponge, and the other two using lint free rags. i love doing off techniques, they get messy and you have to be random and spontanious. the pure esence of Faux painting.

These are my attempts at Colorwashing, the most coveted, and unexplainable facits of Faux Painting. not really, they just have another layer or 18 depending on how deep you want it to look, The dark one (wich i have to say is my favorite, and if the 'viva la Kivi' wasnt my desktop right now, the cropped picture would be), is a combination of a light and dark brown with deep purple (not the band... i know you were thinking that tony, you cant lie to your big poppa) accents blended with a lambs wool pad. The blue one is the same technique, with yellow accents but blended with a brush instead, it gives more of a sky/cloud look.

Now, onto my the techniques i'm most proud of. The fisrt is Wood graining, i went a tad bit OCD on this one but it turned out awesome. not to give away all my secrets, but the finishing touches involved a toothbrush, a paint stick, and a rubber eracer... NO JOKE!.

The next experiment, wich i got the most compliments on by people who do this as a profession, is the marbling, wich i did a true frotage with the darker green over the lighter green over an off white, added the veining with an artistic feather (yes, there is a difference), and some taupe accents. it would have looked better if the damn drywallers could have done a better job, but ah well, such is life.

But thats what i do, and what i've done. I also have some pics up on another post , so there. you know what i do. now you should all get rich and sucsessfull, and buy big houses and pay me to paint them for you. hehe.

love yall.

22 days later...

2006-04-25T23:14:00.000-05:00

its like a horror movie, 'Andy didnt update his blog yet!?!?!'

yea, alot has come and gone sence the 3rd, wich was my last real entry.

Living in madison is kicking MAJOR ass, i'll get picture of the place up on here soon, but as for now, lets just say its tooooo nice for me and dennis. I love having a livingroom and my own bathroom with a bathtub (i havent taken a relaxing bath yet, but i will, maybe candles will grace it when i get 15 cents to buy a voitive). We have 2 tv's. IT RULES!!! we can play videogames on one, and watch tv on the other, so when erin wants to watch 'blow out' and we want to kill shit, it can happen. right now mike (one of dennis' friends) and dennis are playing side by side and online, its like the good old halo days at 532.

i'm living with an engaged couple, and i like it! its like i'm the devil/angel on their shoulders. think of the Dane cook "DO WE HAVE JELLY!?!?!?....twat" argument thing.... I"M THAT GUY! its fun when they get all lovey dovey and then i say somthing fun, or instigate a little tiff... its hilarious.

I'm doing some cool shit at work. they gave me 140 square feet to 'play with'. needless to say, i'm having fun painting the last few days. I'm startin to really like what i do, i mean i did like it, but i'm coming to the realisation that i can do this shit easily. I'm gonna rule in life. and i think i'm gonna revolutionize the Madison district of Sherwin-williams.... cause i'm that good, i'll talk shop at a later date.

I'm Alumni. and yet, people still bitch to me... but now its ALL THE ALUMNI. *sigh* i cant win. so now instead of 11 people i know well enough how to deal with, i get to have hundresds of peoplecomplaining how we were worthless.... wich we werent, but for some reason when you leave, the fraternity 'isnt good enough anymore'... god, shoot me if i ever use that blanket generalization without asking any further explanation.

but yet again, i love madison. it has everything!

now onto my phone's 'things to blog about'... it somthing that if i have a spontanious thought, and i ALWAYS have my phoone on me (OH! THOUGHT ON WHAT TO BLOG ABOUT!!!), i can put it in there.

my spontanious thought - I GOT A COMENDATION BY THE ROCK COUNTY SHERRIF!!!

long story short, i picked up the 3rd in comand of the rock county jail's husband's cell phone that was in the middle of the street. after about a half hour of shooting the shit with the 3 head officials of the county sherifs office, the dude shows up. "there he is!" says the sherrif, and tires to talk to him about the up-coming election. this guy, the guy who lost his phone, said somting to the effect of "not now man, i'm here to see this young man"...

....

HE BLEW OFF THE SHERRIF TO TALK TO ME!!!... i wanted to have that mans power and influence. i dont know what he really did , or who he was, but aperintly he was imporant enough to not care about what the rock county sherrif wanted to say.

i wanted to see if i could absorb his influence through osmosis... it didnt work. buyt i did get 20$ and at least one, maybe 3 letters of comendation to my boss, wich should get me somthing.

all because i saw a cell phone in the middle of an intersection and thought "i know i would FREAK OUT if that was my phone"... even though a part of me wanted to run it over... but i'm glad i didnt.

and on the way home, i was talking to my assitant manager's wife(ish), and she brought up that i should look into the career path of a 'Profetional networker'

i'll think about it, cause thats what i do now... its like people dont know who to call, besides me.

but back to the phone list of things to talk about...

April fools: after going out with tommy on the 30th, i realized at 2am it was april fools, so i tried to call dennis and tell him i couldnt be his best man... it didnt work, he didnt answer his phone, that sucked, but it worked on his fiance! yes, i rule. so after that i called my house at 3am, left a LONG message until someone picked up about how i was in jail in racine county (side note, my parents have a 'get out of jail free' card for me, and i havent used it yet). needless to say, my dad is JUST NOW thinking it was funny... i thought it was hilarious. So i geot home, and thought, who can i fuck with at ferris? TOM. hes always up, if not, i can wake him up and not feel too bad. so i sped into the parking lot, squealed my tires, and ran up to my room raving like a mad man to 'WE GOTTA GO! PACK YER SHIT!!'... woke tom up, and made him think that the cops were after me... he didnt apreciate it when he kept asking 'hat? what?' and i finally said "WE GOTTA GO! ITS APRIL FOOLS!!!....hehe, goodnight tom."

HILARIOUS...

Deleting Peanuts: yea, its going on the outs, no more whitewater on a consistant basis, therefore i have to mature past Preanuts. i have a new screen name, and i like it. i went from 216 people i hardl talked to, to 66 people that i talk to. but you can still call me peanuts, it no big deal, just know my name is actually Andrew Hale.

Toppers Girl: so one of the first nights i was here in madison we ordered toppers and i tired to get Bacon sticks, wich they had no clue about. so i informed her about them, being the charming man i am, got to fliurting with her. turns out she used to work at the eauclaire store and invented Smokey sticks... long story short, we got a free single order of them and employe discounts. and as of now, i'm batting 1000 for getting free shit from toppers here, they fucked up the last time and i got 2 tripple orders. i love this town.

*sigh* i'm done now, at least for now, i want to hang out and shoot people in battlefeild 2 (xbox 360) and hang with mike and dennis.

Family: i live a shit ton furthere away, and i'll still see my family about the same as i did when i was 10 minutes away... sad, but true.

Fraternity: I miss you guys

Social: Getting better, but needs improvement

Money: Still poor... i'm working on it...

Work: 3 shifts left, and all i got as a parting goodbye from my boss as he left for the week today was "Thanks"

Females: am i single? only one person can answer that question.

Drama: going alumni DOES NOT OLIVIATE YOU FROM FRATERNAL DRAMA

School: STILL not in... but you know me, i'll figure it out eventually

Friends: Making a few here and there, mostly stealing erin and dennis'

Health: well, Kris came over at least, were gonna start working out later. i have my bike up here now, just give me time and i'll be the guy you ladies say "DAMN!, i could have had that" or "DAMN, i passed up that opourtunity".

Song: Confrontation - Jekyll & Hyde (btw, May 3rd, i'll be preforming it again. more details soon)

Last Laugh: Jason, my Assistant manager, i'm gonna miss that guy

And now, for the Spring 2006, formal slideshow... all by me!!!

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

The trip...

2006-04-10T10:19:00.000-05:00

so its been quite another while but i swear this post will stay on ONE theme....

That theme is STUPIDITY.

what do you get when you get 11 Xi Pi Sinfonians on a road trip?

THE CAPITANS LOG!!!

yes folks, we kept god track of all the stupid crazy stuff that happened on out trip. and as for the details you should all frequent Tony's Blog for the in depth report, cause i know i'd go on and on forever about it.

but without further adeu...

our cast:
CFR* one - Driver Philip Tran, Co-Pilot/Radio man Andrew Hale, Gunner Dan Buchwald, Dead Weight Andrew Krupp

CFR* two - Driver Tyler Thomack, Co-Pilot Tony Fredrick, Radio Man Ben Budnik

CFR* three - Driver Tom Subjak, Co-Pilot Andrew Davenport, Radio Man Matt Volden, Dead Weight Jake Bantz

* - Car Full of Retards

*CHIRP* Capitains log, Stardate -317229.45 (and yes, i found a stardate converter online ....bitches...)

sat
645(ish)pm leave for Plattleville,
650 get gas and snackies
657 "are we there yet" - Me
700 Decide to 'visit' madisons Chapter
711 Get bombarded by disorganized calls from said chapter
720 Call Radio silence, doesn't work
745 Leave Nick And Pick's place... no booty
802 First time we get lost
810 "I will turn this car arround!" - Phil
824 Decide the trips theme song - "get retarded - Black Eyed Peas"
903 Enter Platteville, get the 'better late than never' award, they panic and hide all there shit
1020 I deviate to visit a friend, wich pisses everyone off

Sunday
830 Leave Pville for Breah-fass
832 Find court house and 'Azin' out of parking tickets
845 Get HORRIBLE directions to a family resturaunt from Siffy
900 Decide on McDonalds
945 Leave Mc-e-Deez... realize i dont have a contact # for Rock Island
1003 Enter Iowa
1106 Almost get left behind at a gas station
1109 Water fight between cars on Highway at excessive speeds
1122 get lost 5 seconds into Illinois
1140 Lacrosee break while wating for liason
1200 meet Scott Elsners twin, no, exact clone
1230 leave Mike, Randal and Ed... awesome Bar, No booty
105 Water fight #2
201 Start hounding random people at Bradley if they know Phi Mu's
220 HOT SAI gives us directions, visit there chapter room
250 Almost had to open a formal meeting to decide on if we were going to continute on or stay at bloomington
251 find the peoria chapter prez, tell him we would have stayed, if anyone would have called us back
324 Stalk chick in blue cavaleer unsucsefully ('Call me!' sign in the window)
335 Went to right house, but wrong contact info in Normal
345 find Nu Omicrons house, reminded me of ferris. but they have the SEX ROOM
405 off to the Pub II, Get great recruting ideas, good food, Free drinks, Hot waitresses and free shwag. I love Normal.
530 CFR 3 meets up with us in Normal to go visit Bloomington
600 Off to Weslian to 'Barrow' a composite and a paddle after tour of HUGE fucking house
730 raided wally world, fucked with Lobster
830 Took off to Evansville
843 Burrned Delta Zeta "Quick and Easy"
845 Airsoft war comences
852 "Its like the streets of Iraq!" - Krupp
905 CFR 1 hands does a drive by weapon exchange to CFR 3 for fairnes
913 CFR 1 gives CFR 3 the goat {Andrew Hale}
915 CFR 3 gives CFR 1 the bat wing {Jacob Bantz}
918 CFR 3 gets burned by Dan Buchwald, 'whered you get the toothpick?'
920 First Casualty - {Davenport - Finger}
933 Call into Dan Kreuger
943 CFR 1 almost mows down an inocent SUV
945 Dan calles me back, thinking he's calling jared, the retreat co-ordinator.
946 War rages, Many Casualties and irratic driving at excessive speeds
952 Dan Shoots Himself, incurring a half point for the other two cars.
1005 try to Ditch CFR 3 on the grounds of them being Douche Bags

Hand over the Capitans log to Ben Bunik

1052 Tom Figures out that Nerds dont go through paintball masks
1100 Burn not recognizing Davenport
1102ish Moved and passed that Davenport is to blame for all Gayness... EVER
1102 moved and Passed that Tom is gay
1215 Pointless argument about Physics {Ben & Volden}
1215 Davy Burned by.... TOM?!?!

Capitans log returned to Andrew Hale

100am Arrive at Lyrecrest

Monday
145pm Chicken dance arround Grill
615 "are we the only ones here?... HOW STUPID ARE THEY!!" - {Ben Budnik}
800 Formal meeting over, elected new exec-board, OFF TO HOOTERS!!!
1235am Itsy-Bitsy Jumps into Matt's sleeping bag, becoming a "true" Sinfonian
400am Hotest wings + being a show off + hot wiatress = throwing up

Tuesday
1000 random Worker wanders into cabin while were dressing
1155 3:1, 6:2, 8:8 "Orbit game" - [does someone want to refresh me on what that was about?]
1245 snapped into a slim jim...."OH YEAH!!!"
1255 Quadruple Goat on Tyler - {Hale, Bantz, Volden, Davenport}
345 "you can't be goin #2 buddy" - {Jared about the bathrooms}
1020 Tom gets Air (aprox 12 inches) with a fully loaded mini-van, Davenport breaks ass
1150 "with knowlege comes responsibility... oops." - {Jared}
145am Matt farts and loses at his own game
158 "by our stenches combined, WE FUCKING REAK!!!" - {Ben & Hale}

Wednesday
1220 leave Lyrecrest
1239 Tyler gets head slammed into 1 way mirror at subway
105 I moon the target Parking lot, CFR 3 leaves for home, CFR 1 & 2 go to carbondale
216 Operation "ah, Fuck it" rudly wakes up Dan
445 Arrive at Carbondale, Very nice Chapter FLOOR, whole area dedicated, very jealous
446 Barrow Sign and Gnome... hehehe
600 Go to Quatro's (Pizza Parlor) with Carbondale guys
705 Leave for Urbana
919 Decide to Skip Urbana
1138 Hale makes a move on Tony
1147 Tony scarred for life
115am Arive at U-Boats in Elmhurst
130 Start Drinking

Thur
1120 leave for Chineese food
1230 Outwit caravan and loose them with CFR 4 (Hale and Ulitowski)
115 leave Elmhust (nicest campus on whole trip)
117 Ulitowski skips classes to join us to North Western
128 CFR4 [Chuckie cheeze coins] VS. CFR 1 [Animal Crackers]
130 "Stop Dealing Drugs" - {random guy}
132 Tlyer snapps, starts climbing tree and tries to throw fecees
248 Chineese fire drill by CFR4
301 Arive at North Western
325 ulitowski looses at DDR, after he sits out half the song and its still close...
327 50$ parking ticket on the guy with Illinois plates, none on Wisconsin plates... ironic.
350 Decide to turn in for the trip
353 Find the NW house
425 leave empty Handed

here the capitans log ends, but as of yet there are many stores and things to talk about in our treck, like i said, go to tony's blog... or hell i'll just copy and paste them here soon and geive him credit if thats ok with him...

but as for now, i gotta get to work... that was one helllllll of a post.. i got to start shortening these things..

Life

2006-04-03T22:47:00.000-05:00

(Jesus, almost 2000 page views... you guys must really be itching for this post)

Hey there, its been a looong time. Honestly, i did miss you Blogger, but its time for you to be updated. I have so much to talk about. So i'm gonna do what i did last summer... ish...

AN OUTLINE!!!

Being Dennis' Best man

Bachelor Party
Bachelor Pad?

Work
School
Why it took me so long to Blog

Not checking away messages
Not blogging
Not MySpacing

Parties

St. pattys
House Parties

Krystal
FallOut Boy Obsession
MySpace
Time Moving Too fast

Turning 23
Leaving

Madison
Whitewater

Spring Break

So here we go...

Dennis called me at arround 2:30 in the morning after one of our parties (i think it was fridays but i'm not sure), and he told me what i knew what was coming for a few weeks. even if he told meor not, i knew it was gonna happen. Hes a passionate guy, just like me. I knew he found his one and i'm happy i get to be right there next to him this fall when he ties the knot.

I'm gonna throw him one HELL of a bachelor party, if anyone has advice/sujestions there welcome, but i have some great ideas so far. Just cause i'm me. I dont want him to get his ASS KICKED like Kiedro, but we need boobies and booze. He already said i cant hire him a hooker... HIM a hooker, never said anything about everyone else.... heh. but seriously, i wouldn't do anything to get in between him and erin, there just too good together, and seeing them happy re-aserts that there is hapyness and love in life.

But there has been one thing thats been going on that kinda bugs me.

I'm moving into an apartment with Dennis, we've known this for quite some time and now, i'm getting evicted after the wedding, wich i'm ok with. but the fact was, that when i went up there, the first day that i had my place, i got the feeling i was a tenant. i talked to dennis about it and its not a big deal anymore, but its just kind of depressing when your excited about moving in with someone and there already planning you moving out when you havent done anything but send the money in. Had a small vent but i'm ok. needless to say, i'm gonna need a place to stay in madison in fall. I'll probably end up switching rooms with Erin, but that means i get to inherit a dog thats clinicly insane... i'm thrilled... cant you feel the jovial tones in my sarcasm...

regardless of whats gonna happen down the road, I'm living with dennis for the third, yes i said Third time. someone doesnt mind living with me! the place seriously kicks major ass! my own room (no more being the fratenal living room), my own Shower(ish... its the guest room, so the bathrooms not conected), and i'm 3 minutes away from where i'm gonna work!

Wich brings me to Work. I'm 70:30 now, 70% happy, 30% leary about going to madison. i had a long night at work drinking with my assistant manager (yes, re-read that, i was at work, drinking with Jason), and i realize that this shit wont happen when i'm in Liberal ass madison. Our store does just as well money wise, but when my Al, my boss, brings in a TON of money form his top 3 accounts, and i sleep for 3 out of 4 hours in a sunday shift occasionally. I'm going to a store that does aproximatly 20 transactions per day, per employee.were lucky if we do 8 a peice in beloit. There open longer (till 8) and i'll be the new guy again. I wont be able to get away with leaving the front doors unlocked or just throwing somthing on the order cause i think i can sell it. This new manger is more of a 'by the book' hardass than Al is. I think its gonna take me a bit to aclimate to his Managerial style, but i think i'll survive. also, if i end up not going to school in the fall i'll go into the Assistant Manager program, so that means more money to pay all you guys back that i owe money too.

Wich brings me to School. I want to get into MATC, but i've been slacking on putting my aplication in. I have So Much debt (not like credit cards (cause i cant get them with this shitty of credit) but the debt of 8am phone calls consisting of 'we need money NOW or you dont get a cell phone') that i'm suprised i still have kneecaps. incedentily, it pays to call in to the places you owe and negotiate, they like it when you call them (thank you kevin at HSBC retail services, i owe you a beer). But i digress. I havent really done anything on the school front, i'm too woried about the new place and getting te job settled in, i figure if i've learned anything from my 5 years at whitewater, its that i know i can bullshit my way into anything i want if i put the right amount of effort into it. So for now, I'll probably put in my aplication later this week, but who knows whats gonna happen next? i could die before i finish this sentance.... whew, i win!

Now, what you all wanted to find out. why the silence? why haven't i been arround? Well, i saw that i had allot of One sidedness to my constant Jibbah-jabbah. so i decided to take a break for a while... a little longer than i expected actually, but i found that i could express my toughts in other places and by having interpersonal conversations. I also went about 5 days without checking a single away message. THAT WAS KILLER. I felt like a smoker that was trying to quit but needed to have somthing in there hands at all times, i kept right clicking, but would catch myself in the nick of time. I'm back now, i check them now, but not the ones i know wont change, so thats better i guess. But lately i've just been busy with current events thats whats kept me from being on here all the time like i was before.

So to go in a chronology, i left you all on the 14th. Talking about change. Well, the next few days were fun. i went out at ass in the morning for St.Patty's day and had fun with Tiffany at the Downstairs, went bar hopping, went to 'fat jack's' for the first time (decent place, but needs ALLOT of work, its almost too good for whitewater). then sobered up and went to work wearing my fake ass plastick bright green bowler hat. IT WAS HILARIOUS! I got to say 'top o' the mornin' to yah!' all freakin day long! then i went home to the first of 2 parties that weekend.

These were supposed to be the parties after celebration, and we had palnned the whole years worth of parties arround them, but because we didnt have celebration, we still drank our asses off. Nick and Mark from Platteville's chapter came over to drink up with us, it was kind of a bad representation of a Xi Pi party, but we'll make up for it at ultimate Thursday, i swear! That night went well, for everyone but me. Aperintly on my way home i ate some bad chicken. i know this because i dont get sick off of two cups of ferris wop, delciously potent though it may be. I sat out on the singing for the first, and may it be the only, time in my active career. I went up to my room and promptly vomited after scolding tom for nut shotting mark. Then for some reason, EVERYONE wanted to chill in y room when all i wanted to do was pass out. then I saved Justin's life.

Justin Kreuger, my pledge son for a week and a few days this semester, decided to get tanked and almost pass out on my bed with a room full of people. well, needless to say we fucked with him, just cause he would sit up so fast he almost stood up. so after having him almost vault over himself 5 times, he stood up and stumbled to my trash can. but at the last second decided that he was going to throw up outside... not by leaving the rom through the door, but my window (if you havent seen my room at ferris, my large window leads to the porch right over a metal grating wich is compairable to fire escape stairs). After smashing his had twice he made it out ok, but when he leaned in to grab the trash he pretty much passed out in mid back stroke, headed straigt for alot of stiches and injury.

I had been puking and had food poisoning, was ready to go to bed and somehow i lept out the window and caught him before he fell smashing my knee in the process. i dont want to be a hero, but i will hang i tover his head for quite some time. i did what anyone would have done. plus i was the only remotely sober one and i didnt want to explain to the cops why blood was all over my back yard.

so i finally got to sleep. yay me. cause i got to work the next day. boo me. after an uneventfull day i get to party it up AGAIN. Klassy came over with help from Phil, cause i was still pretty sick from the night before. I did my stage managing thing (wich they love us for, i rule!), and then to get drunk! cause i didnt work the next day. Needless to say, i was out to get waisted.

but somehow i ended up making out with a very atractive young lass. yes, me and a lovely lady. It caused some drama, and hopefully thats going to be smoothed over very soon, i just have to talk to Phil soon. Well this girl, we'll call her Krystal (**WINK**), wasn't a girl i was 'going for' at the time cause of the drama that could possibly incur. But after an ass grabbing contest (wich she dubbed me the winner of) i ended up being allone in the room with her. **Details left out for reasons of you should know better you naughty, naughty person you**. She made a statement like "I'm just such a tease", wich i saw as a chalange. So the side of me that wanted to continue with what was happening took the back seat... no.... got kicked out of the metiphorical car completly by my competitive nature. Needless to say, i belive i won, she'll contest it, but to spare details, I left a lovely young lass in my bed, in the perfect mood, just so i could be the bigger tease with the parting words of "i win".

well, i felt bad about it so i went back and talked to her, and to my suprize, she added me on facebook the next day. so having her info i talked to her and apologized about kinda being a dick about winning the war. she took it quite weel and we actually negotiated a date the next day. It went well. we clicked quite swimmingly and at this point we still are in good company with eachother. somthing good could come of this. but i'm moving, and we havent talked about it yeet. Shes going to formal with me wich will be fun. i enjoy talking to her and having her arround. she starts my days off right and by force shes making me a morning person... scary i know. she says shes got a 5 year age limit, so when i'm 13 on the 6th, and shes 18 until the 13th, we'll be on 'a break' HAHA! yes, shes a freshamn, and theres nothing wrong with that. I hate to say it, but because of a combination of Madison and Kari, i'm reluctant to go too far with this right away. she reads this, and i hope she knows i dont pull punches on here. this is my space for my thoughts, inturpurut them how you will.

now onto my new musical obsessions, i say obsessions because as i'm thinking about it, yes, i love fall out boy, but there are a few new bands i have to add to my top favorites. for one, theres Fall out boy. There lyrics are amazing '... and i swear i'll burn the city down to show you the lights', sacrificing everything to make the one you love happy, the passion you feel for someone. the sone 'A little less sixteen candles, a little more touch me' is a great jamming song. i listen to it almost constantly. and with the names to there songs, there so interesting. i love fall out boy.

I'm also going through a Bloodhound Gang phase. i say phase because there such a cult band that everyone can apreciate, but no one is HARD CORE about, like DMB or Ben Folds, but hell those guys are high-larious. my two most favorite songs are 'uhn-tis, uhn-tis, uhn-tis' and 'Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo'. fucking great inuendo of a song right there. shit that i couldn't even think of.

And as for #3 of my recent new favorites. Dangerdoom. the adult swim rapping. AWWESOMEE!! its got some mad flow and also as an added bonus all of the adult swim charicters here or there.... sofa-king.... awesome.

So I have this MySpace thing. I like it. Yes, i know i've tlaked about it before, but its a little more in depth than the good old Blogger here. I have the same shit i can do here on that, but i would hate to abandon this site after all our good times the last year+. i have a good amount of updating to do but i'll get to it, i had to pounf this massive post out before i got to that schtuff over yonder. plus i can talk to people and send crap, and have pictures... i like myspace.

Yes, time is moving too fast... i tried to write this blog all weekend but kept getting 'distracted' and had other things going. I'm in the real world. i need to make money cause i'm paying rent by month, not by semester. I have to pay off my loans, i have to mkae car payments, i have to fend for myself.... wait.... i do that stuff already... but i'm going to be 23 and in a whole new town.

i'm not gonna lie, i'm kinda scared. I'm gonna miss you all, all the times i had at ferris, the porch, the gril outs, the campus, the random girls walking by, the bars, the fact that i know this whole freaking town and i can get away with anything, the fact that people say 'your peanuts? i've heard about you'. nope, i'm not here. i know your mad. but i have to go. I can't be 'that guy' forever. i have a career path to falow. i dont want to leave anyone behind, and if you feel that way your wrong. i read a quote at our meeting last night and i think it's very apropriate for the final coup 'de gra of rthis monstrosity of a blog entry...

“You never really leave a place or person you love, part of them you take with you ,leaving a part of yourself behind.”

p.s. as for the post on our HILARIOUS spring break to 4 states keep looking for an update on MySpace, or i'll just replace this and add a link to it when i edit this post later... or just make another post later... who knows!.....and i'll have to add somthing about how i pranked a bunch of people on april fools.

and a much needed..........

Family: I forgot my moms birthday, stole my dads box of carmel delights, begged for more money Pranked them at 1:30 am on april fools, and they still want to spend time with me. i love my family

Fraternity: The round trip ro-sham-bo was a great trip with a combination of hilarity, stupidity, revilations, great conversations, bukding of a better brotherhood, and a new begining for our generation, you go guys, you can do it without your big papa arround

Social: i've tried to go out as much as possible, but being poor kinda kills that, i know i owe Tiffany a beer, and Joia, i have no idea what happend to her, i havent seen her in a while, those two girls are my social life outside the fraternity... madison here i come!

Money: so in debt, i hate asking for money, but i made it thanks to some of my best friends. you know who you are, i hate asking for money, i absolutly detest it, cause thats a major thing that can ruin a relationship

Work: I have a count down of how many shifts i have left at work, currently 18. my assistant manager is gonna miss me the most, i hope he doesnt quit after i leave. i need him for sanity the same as he needs me.

Females: i'm still good at what i do, and kegs are WAY better than six packs!

Drama: Ladies are the source of all drama, but i know that this will get resolved, cause it has too, it just does.

School: See above

Friends: i'm gonna miss you all.. i dont feel right changing that, i will miss you all greatly, but hat just means i wont be arround, i'll have to visit...hehe

Health: I have a work out facility at my new place. I'm also going to try and run, and me and kristina have scedualed a weekely meal where we can eat well together so we can go out and dance and not be the wall flowers.

Song: Kanye West - Touch the sky

Last Laugh: getting drunk with Jason at work

Explanations

2006-03-14T17:56:00.000-06:00

Ok, so this week, as to start my new trend of self improvement i'll be giving up some things that will greatly help me in this process.

I talked to Cerqua and he nailed it down to 'Idle, one sided, or non-personal conversations'.

The first thing is Checking away messages, Its VERY one sided. If i want to know whats going on with you, I'll ask you or visit you. Inversly, if you want me to know somthing you should talk to me and seek me out about it. I'll still respond if you want to talk, but i'll be to the point.

Also, i wont be calling people from work. One, becasue i have allot of shit to finish up before i leave. Second, I'll be at a store where i can't get away with the shinanigans that i get away with at my ...MY... store and i'll be the new guy .....again... so i can't really go in the back and take calls or just do nothing, cause theres gonna be no more flying solo. Also, I'm gonna be shooting for an assistant manager position in that time, so i have to be the best i can be.

And as for idle chatter, i talk to people for no reason alot. i love talking, thats why the Fraternity called me mouth. But i'm gonna try and be susinct and strait to the point. in any conversation.

To sum it up, i'm going to have the same away message up all week, telling you how to get a hold of me and such, but i'm not going to contact anyone unless i need to.

I think this will help with all of my logistic, work, and self-esteem problems...

and cause i'll be leaving this blog and my MySpace too...

Family: Barrowed money after i got them out of a 20$ deficit, so i'm a good son, then a bad son, so i guess things are ok.
Fraternity: Lyrecrest, and 12ish chapters allong the way
Social: I NEED A LIFE
Money: same shit different day, i'm poor, good thing Sara backed out, cause that would have fucked me over
Work: New store May 3rd.
Females: why don't we get drunk, and screw?
Drama: weird... all i got is the standard 'i'm a single guy and i need to get some'
School: sending off my application and transript when i have money
Friends: i'm gonna miss you all
Health: i need to up my motabolism, so therefore i need to eat less more frequently
Song: Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo - Bloodhound Gang
Last Laugh: Talking with kari / Thinking about pranks involving long hair and contact adhesive

why me?

2006-03-14T17:29:00.000-06:00

so its been a bit. I'm happy in general, but disgusted in sections in life. I'm not happy with myself. I sit here on my days off and really do nothing. I could be out doing all the little things that are built up on my to do list, but no, i just chill.

i keep saying Madison will be better for me. It will, but why start in Madison? I was up early today because i was up late last night aimlessly flipping through channels and not paying atention to anything but wanting to get rid of my second and more evil personality.

the one that hits the snooze FOREVER. the one that could get me up and have me be productive but chooses to have me be late to work or wake up JUST in time to do my lacidazical morning ritual. I Like to have time to myself, but lately i've been becoming restless...

a part of me wants to spend it with that special someone, but thats like wanting to drive when your 14, i think i can do it, but theres no way its gonna happen {depressing i know, but true... i'll stop}. I put my neck out there for a girl i thought things could work and got shot down, now i'm just reaching, not to downplay anyone, but i've pretty much given up on having anytihng meaningfull come out of whitewater as of now. therefore i look to madison...

BUT I"M STILL HERE!!... its flustrating. I try and get closer to people but the more i think about it the more i'm becoming the one thing i hated about people that were moving on. I'm gone. I still want to do all i can for my fraternity, my store, my friends. but when it comes down too it i know i'm going too be leaving a good portion of you all behind. i hate that.

But i'll be arround, i know everyone says it, but for a good summer i'll have nothing to do but work part time. Full time i hope for a bit, and maybe longer depending on if i have to take another year off because of the waiting list to MATC.

I'm in another one of my wierd moods. One where i dont know whats going to satisfy me, or what will bring me back. But i dont like what i am right now. I'm boaring, lazy, out of shape.

What happened to me? I used to be cool...

Jay

2006-03-10T11:20:00.000-06:00

For all of you that dont know, jay is my car.

Right now Jay is the hunk of metal sitting in the parking lot.

Yea, some smart person must have stripped the threads or just plain broken off the spark plus that was in there and had to tap it, wich means re threading it, but having to put a larger plug in there or put a bushing on the existing one, wich is what they did.

so i get the day off, Dan is having his dad help me out and jerry-rig the spark plug so it works... the one that was misfiring... fucking lame.

but what would somthing of mine be if it was normal? why be standard, just like everyone else? i have to have the one with the little quirks and foibles that only i could love... and a mechanic would DETEST!

but anyways, i get to do NOTHING all day.. and i wokeup early, so i'll be buggin arround, maybe drinkin arround 4pm, you never know...

venting, but not really...

2006-03-10T02:17:00.000-06:00

so i've been wanting to post for a while (p.s. i'm kinda drunk, so forgive the dragging of fingers across the keyboard), but i wanted things to pan out before i jumped to conclusions.

kari and i are talking. Its my fault that we werent, but i was the stubourn one, we both are... damn aries'. but i digress, we talked for a good 2 hours tuesday night and i felt at ease, shes doing great and i'm ok with everything. i had to take those 2ish months off, but shes too good a person and were too similar to not be friends again (plus being in the same feild, i cant really burn bridges if you know what i mean ;-P ), really it was a good thing, i know some will be mad but i dont care. i've moved on in my own world, i'm not dwelling, its ok now.

on to what i've been moving on to. i dont know if she reads this but i know her friend does, and i dont care. its my area, i do what i want. i've been going out with this spectacular duo of ladies who accept me as the guy that can dance and hang out with them, I call that "the gay friend"... no i'm not gay, i'm strait as all get out, but its the dynamic with this group. So you all that know me, know that i'm a do what i want, say what i want, tell it how it is and not care too much guy...

except when it comes to telling girls i like them. i choke. i cant say anything right and i never think i get my point across. so on saturday i did. i mustered up the cahones' and asked her... to get the "gay friend" responce... so being a persistant bastard i blatently asked her out the next day to get a responce of 'Good greif, LOL, your funny'...

now i'm not really complaining, i get what i deserve, shes after another guy and i should just realize my lot in life is to be the guy in the background, but man... its getting pretty lame.

to clarify, i dont have any ill feelings, were still freinds, i'm the one overlooked, but still the one that gets to hang out with the sexy girls on the dancefloor

(wich, BTW, i was told i was a decent dancer... WHO KNEW!?!?!)

but i'm also overlooked completely. I should be used to it by now, I've always been there for everyone else and never asked anything for it, cause thats what friends do.

but when will i get mine?

Dennis got the brunt of this vent, it was saturday night, i was in a state i NEVER get into and maybe one or two people have seen me in. i dont do that often, but i had to, it was a long time coming...

Madison beter be good to me, but i dont know what to change when i go there... i know i have to be more assertive at my job, i am basicly going to be an assistant, but without the money or the title. but i'll be in a whole new atmosphere, meeting new people, who dont know PEANUTS. people that can see me for what i am, not the party favor that i am now.

some times, its fucking great to be me. but times like this, not so much... i have a bi-polar existance.

so as of this point, i'm sitting here, waiting for my buzz to wear off cause i'm not too tired... i caught myself napping at work today, how do you ask? cause i woke myself up i was snorring so loud! I LOVE MY JOB!!!

wow, i've been gabbing for quite some time. i'm sorry for bitching, but you know what? you read the whole thing... and you know you'll keep reading.... I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

American Music Recital

2006-03-06T02:08:00.000-06:00

So its 2am...ish... and i'm sitting here with my music going wondering what i should sing... so heres the list, The only one i've reall preformed is Confrontation...

Confrontation from Jekyll And Hyde the Musical
Landed - Ben Folds
Friendship - Tenacious D (obviously a duet)
Under the Scotsmans Kilt
Sweet mary - Equalizer (Download it...NOW)
Flake - Jack Johnson
Hurt - NIN (Johnny cash version)
I miss you - Incubus (gotta switch the song, its there though)
Techno - Strong Bad (obviously i'd need some help from my bro's)
The Blowers Daughter - Damien Rice

yea... i'm not sure i can do more than two... tom would kill me, but feedback would be AWESOME on this...

thanks

Andrew

My obsession with being a BADASS

2006-02-28T21:06:00.000-06:00

So lately I've wanted to become more and more of a badass. Now, before you go saying why. Let me define what I mean by BADASS...

I mean that guy.
The guy that can get away with anything.
The guy that always has the quip at the apropriate time.
The guy that doesnt do anything normal and still can function.
The guy that no one can think of doing menial tasks.
The guy that doesnt work for anyone.
The guy that people miss when he leaves.
The guy that brings a fresh look on a situation that no one thought of.
The guy that has the answers.
The guy people want to know whats going on with.
The guy thats interesting.
The ideal that you live your own life, Fuck the rules.
The ideal that you live your life to the fullest.
The ideal that you have no regrets and dont look back at your failures, or your downfalls, you just do what you have to do to get by.

I want to be that guy and to have those ideals. I'm close. Closer than most of you close minded drones. I hope that I can take what I have and continue, to be that BADASS. To be that one person that can make a difference.

Until then, I am just another Number. #1550915, #6, #9785233... thats me... I pick my nose and I fart and belch. I love without repricussion, I lust without responce. I am Human.

So now for why. Why? Why not. I have been troden on, mentaly brow-beat, shat on by life, sat in the back seat to everyone elses ride of their life, been the janitor picking up the confetti behind the parrade (al'la Rocky & Bulwinkle). Never getting ahead, but always just a tad bit behind.

This move, Madison, is a first for me. A first not living with a bunch of people I know. Not having my space invaded...like it is right now by 3 people not even involving me in there conversation... using my space as thiers. I will have my own bathroom for the first time IN MY LIFE. I will have my own living room instead of living in the room that everyone else ueses. That floored me when I thought of that today. I'm paying my way, in my own place, with my own job and my own life. Why not be what I want to? Why not be the badass? Why not live life the way I want to and stop being the one that has to please everyone.

So I can stop being the one that complains that people dont update their blogs, when I should just fucking talk to them. So I can stop being the one that cant ask a girl out even though I know what the result would be even if the timing was right. So I can be the one at the bar that intreauges the one thats not there to hook up. The guy that is comfortable and still wanting more. The guy... The dude... Me.

I leave you with some quotes from FIGHT CLUB, the epitomy of what i'm talking about...

All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not...

I feel like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I want to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I want to breathe smoke...

I feel like destroying somthing beautiful...

WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Ok, you are now firing a gun at your 'imaginary friend' near 400 GALLONS OF NITROGLYCERINE!

Thanks for your time. You now know why i'm distant. Why i'm not me. Why i'm gonna be the real me from now on.

Life at this exact moment

2006-02-28T18:25:00.000-06:00

i've become very lax on updating this blog of mine... and i'm sorry for all of you that have been checking it. The sad fact is, i dont really do anything anymore. I've become a shell of my former interesting self. I dont hang out with the same people, I just do alot of 'chillin'. not necicarily a bad thing, but i feel like i'm missing somthing. So in light of me not really having anything to talk about, i'll use my Ending thoughts as a format to a blog entry:

Family: They helped out with some of the money for celebration, wich i'll talk about later, but on a whole, i miss them. I feel like a bad son when i cant do anything with them and there forced to come to my sotre in beloit to talk to me, wich is nice, but i wish i could do stuff with the family more, like go somewhere or just do somthing as a family... but sad thing is, they do too, its me who keeps being busy... i'm a horrible son.

Fraternity: They quit... well, Trav quit. Celebration isn't happening. Theres alot of ball dropping going on. Its not entirely all our faults, its just flustrating that we cant gell still.... i hope lyrecrest helps a bunch...

Social: I'm hanging out at the bars more, wich lets me get away and also drains my bank account quicker. i like being able to go out with Tiffany and Joia and being the 'Strait-Gay-Friend'. i get to see alot of the people that i went through classes and lived with, cause we all hang out at the bars, but i'm becoming a barfly... i dont know if i like that.

Money: -$40... damn it, how am i going to pay for tickets out to NYC if i keep doing that. payday is Thursday, but still, i have no gas and no food. I hate being poor. but we all are, so i cant rightly complain.

Work: Still getting shit for being me, but thats expected. The auditer is at the store, so my manager actually does his job. People stick arround so i'm not solo all the time. Daryl still doesnt do anything... I'm such a golden child at this place i'm scared to leave... what if i cant get away with the shit i get away with in madison? wat if i hate it? what if i dont get a raise? Fuck it, i can waht if all day long...

Females: Nothing. Slight blips on the radar, but those flights are all departing or heading to different destinations. every time i get to like a girl, somthing comes up where i have to do the gentlemanly thing and back down. It sucks. I'd like a date to formal, an actual date. not just another person who wants to go... i think i'm just gonna crash and not pay for a room and just fall asleep in someones bath tub. I'm a lonely man with alot of love and time to spend on a girl.

Drama: none that i can think of, havent talked to my drama in a month or so now. kinda feels good, and bad at the same time.

School: Have to enrol and shmooze a professor to let me in past the YEAR LONG waiting list... i guess, worst case senario, i get to a full time position and make some bank before i go off to school... it could be worse.

Friends: Just got back from Karinas with Paul, Adrian and 'Drea. i felt so out of the loop... i hate growing apart.

Health: not getting fat anymore, i am fat. I need someone to whip me into shape. I want to look good naked. The fact that we have a new mirror in the bathroom should help, i see myself when i get out of the shower, when i'm my most comfortable and not sucking anything in or flexing and slouching... yea, not a pretty sight...

Song: Take off your Clothes - morningwood

Last Laugh: Chillin with the boys (yes i know dreas a girl) at karinas

oh yea, I got this for you all = MySpace

ways i'm not attractive

2006-02-19T15:18:00.000-06:00

Physical apearance

Chubby
Non-Shaven
Haircut
Short
messed up bottom teeth

Attitue

Over Confident
Tells it how it is
Doen't care what people think
Blunt
Honest
Funny at any expence
Popular

I Had intended for this post to be, why i would be a good catch. but thats entirely too cocky. I sat here last night, fairly drunk, and had just gotten done flirting fiarly heavily with some freshmen. I wanted to get it out there that - damn it - i'm a good guy to have. but as i sit here, sober, i think; yes, i am the bit part on someone else's play, but Its the part that only i could play.

I think that i'm here on this earth, at this time, doing what i'm doing, and living how i live, for other people.

I'm going to start doing exactly what i've been doing all allong and not change a damn bit. yea, i could go out of my way to get healtier and look better, maybe shave, maybe cow-tow to how everyone wants me to be so i can be more popular, maybe get some short relationships. But no.

I'm Peanuts, 7th billed, Never on the marquee, but things wouldn't be the same without me.

Cocky, but true. I just hope that madison is ready for me.

Sacrifice

2006-02-16T11:01:00.000-06:00

Well, its been quite some time... like a week? i forget... but its been long enough. the biggest thing I've been up to lately is planning and making the Anti-Valentines Day party go off well. This, i thought, wouldn't be that difficult. The problem was, everyone else in the house (6 other guys) has someone to be with on that evil holiday, so i was flying solo.

I had Tuesday off so i figured i could do it. The start of the day went slow, i had a physical and gave plasma. On my way home i picked up the last of the supplies. I spent all day cleaning and dealing with people that refused to help and whine and complain about the whole endeavor. it got me agrivated enough that when i was making Jello shots, i forgot to add vodka to a batch (i threw them out, i swear). Ulitowski was here and so was Tyler Lane, they helped calm me down and focus my energy to the party.

so it started out slow, like most parties do. i was expecting a swell of people around 9:30. My friend Scott Ehle, i kind of hired him in for the party as a faux bouncer, asked where the pisser was. Me being in Party mode, even though there was one right behind the bar, say 'second floor, through the kitchen'... this is where it gets fun.

So all 7 of us are just kinda chillin, i pour some more cups and set them on the bar. I hear someone running down the stairs and Justin Kreuger, One of my Probationary Members, comes into the kitchen and half-way franticly says...

We need a plunger

i thought, 'oh shit, the toilet was doing funny stuff earlier' and heard it. the watter pouring down through our drop ceiling, i saw the panels kinda giving from the weight of the water and it started pouring down.

it started from about 10 feet away and fallowed the track to the ceiling. coming down at a decent rate, enough that i had to act quickly because my precious wop, the recipe that i had made and was so proud of, that had been perfectly colored to look as evil as possible, was right in the path of the torrential downpour of toilet overflow.

I took the bar and angled it back, tossing about 3 cups of wop onto the floor, i didn't care, it was the sacrifice of the few for the many. That worked for a little while, but it kept coming, and the board wouldn't protect the bucket for much longer.

I had to give myself a piss water shower to save the party.

not a drop of runoff got into the bucket. Our kitchen was trashed, we had a surge of people at that exact second, i was drenched in stuff i didn't want to think about, it was chaos. on the way up to the 2nd floor to see what was going on and to get out of my clothes Tyler Thomack came in and was in 'uber social party mode', and was wanting to introduce me to the 5 or so people he came with that i was trying to get them out of the kitchen so they didn't hear or know about what had literally just happened. He slapped me on the back by the stairs in a "whats up man?" manner... needless to say he got a surprise. he started making a scene, asking why i was drenched and drew attention from the ladies that just came in. I proceeded to ignore him and tell him if he wanted to know come upstairs. he said some more things and then i stopped him by saying "the toilet up here exploded, and i had to do what i did to save the wop."

the look on his face was priceless, it went from 'wait, what would a toilet exploding have to do with wop?' to 'how did he get so wet?' then he put them both together. ha, he tried to wipe it off on me, and got even more wet.

so i got cleaned up, made another appearance and was mostly sober throughout the evening. we sang at 11:15, serenaded Hailey, Met a whole ton of new people (good thing i was wearing my 'don't worry, i forgot your name too' t shirt, cause i know i wont remember names, besides yours Ashley. its in the lock box now). It was good times. i got many Kudos. AND WE DIDN'T GET BUSTED!!!!!

but I'm bushed, i got maybe 5 hours of sleep that night after a 20 hour strait day of stress. then a 9 hour work day.

wich leads me to today. i sit here, at noonish having NOTHING to do all day. I'll probably go out and bug more people for advertising for celebration, wich is happening all you ornery folks.

man, i love life. its many facets of complexity and intricate nuances make it a never ending transition from smiles and laughter to frowns and sadness and back again.

that sounded really intelegent ... hehe

Family: inclamate weather is stopping me from getting my laundry
Fraternity: Trav and Justin, Gamma Xi
Social: Tuesday free lunch is my social life
Money: credit card denied. fuck my credit, its gonna be interesting paying for NYC
Work: this store meeting should be fun, i get to lace into everyone
Females: hate being toyed with, but wouldn't mind a spontaneous relationship
Drama: i started a whole shit ton of house drama, but it went flawlessly, but now its formal and celebration drama time
School: STILL gotta enroll.... i better get on that
Friends: met allot of good people Tuesday, but I'm in a tiff with one of my best friends
Health: getting fat. and not like "i cant fit into my fav. t shirt" fat, like, "wow, i got tits" fat
Song: Sure thing falling - Yellowcard
Last Laugh: Listening to Lewis Black trying to get a good away message

WTF mate?!?

2006-02-09T09:40:00.000-06:00

Anonymous said...
hmmmmmm

9:42 AM

seriously, come on... i'm just gonna delete shit like that. if your gonna say somthing witty or hurtfull, just say it.

just to let you know, i'm posting about every 3 days aperintly

2006-02-07T13:39:00.000-06:00

i decided to make an expansion on my 'sentence per aspect of life' section, by an updates worth of aspects.

so not much has been happening, i sit here to write and i cant really think of much to say. I'm Excited about the party, which will be a separate entry that I'll link to everyone soon about the details and what not. this should be good, I'm working on making good ass wop and jello shots.

I'm also excited about the trip to New York, but i just got off the phone with the credit union saying they denied my credit card application. who knew you had to pay bills on time... aperintly not this guy. but i should be financially sound enough to do this by the time it comes. I'm thrilled that dawn might be coming aswel. a week in the big apple with people that are enthralled to be there.

My family is mad at me, we got into a little tiff about my spending habits again, cause i showed up before i was going out, and i was wearing 'new' clothes, namely clothes they hadn't seen and clothes i got on sale. so they got pissed that i couldn't pay my bills, even though i can and i am. it was just a stupid argument. yet there buying a new bedroom set and everything... kind of hypocritical. but anyways...

thanks for putting me over a grand. I'd hate to think about how many i would have if i actually set it back at the beginning ... my guess would be about 4-5 grand... still not anywhere close to Lindsay, but he's is allot more fun to read. at least for me. i also never really got to thanking her in a massive blog post, but I'll make up for it somehow.

so on the lady front, I'm back in my hammock, but this month doesn't help. I've got a new interest, but nothings going to come of it. I'm trying to hang out with Kris more, but were too freaking busy, so that really wont work. I'm just realizing that nothings worth stressing about, I'd like to be with someone, but every option i have is gonna take me allot to get into, if it works out at all.

work, ahh work. i realized that i work ENTIRELY TOO MUCH. i had a dream about work, then i got woken up for free lunch, and i laid there thinking about work for another hour. and its my 2nd of two days off in a row. i think I'm worried about how much everyone is going to fuck up the store by the time i get back. i leave for one day and shit doesn't get done, I wont be surprised if the store is blown up when i get there Wednesday. but the good news is that my assistant manager isn't moving, so i wont be the only compitant employee there.

money, fuck, i owe money. i somehow don't have people breaking my kneecaps from DLK, and my rent is a month overdue. but hopefully the tax man will be good to me. yay for direct deposit! also the 'rents might help me out with my best buy account. that'll be sweet.

the new place, i went there last night and got a better idea of where were gonna live cause Erin, Dennis' significant other lives in almost the same place. i think its gonna rule, having my own bathroom, my own bedroom, my own living room....sigh.... and my own life.

fraternity, well, were smack dab in the middle of rush. we had a good guy show up to the rec center night, and hopefully he brings his friends tonight, me and Ben and some of the NU guys are cooking a meal for everyone. it should be great.

Celebration is going on, not exactly what its been in the past, but its better than saying 'fuck it, we don't have anything' this band is called Old Mil. i don't think theres going to be much of a problem, if anything it'll make the actives lives easier. I know allot of alumni are pissed at this decision, but ask yourself; would you like to yell at us cause we changed things to actually have a concert, or would you like to yell at us cause we didn't put on anything at all?

the house (a new category) north being here is nice, having a crazy guy pop in once and a while. its kinda messy, but thats just mostly dishes and stuff, but me and Ben are gonna take care of that before we cook for rush tonight.

(watching Mr. & Mrs Smith.... hothothothothothot...)

Social life, i hope some of my friends that don't usually come to ferris parties will come to this one. if not i fear I'll miss them all and everyone will move away... i hate growing old.

Drama, I hope I'm not causing too much with this whole new york thing, but i can see how the boyfriend thinks this is kinda shady. i would, but it's me. I'm not going to do anything if it hurts someone else consciously ... besides that one time... but i didn't mean for it to happen that way, i honestly didn't.

Health, should be better soon. Hailey is coming over to give me a good rub down... mmmmmm back rubs.

School, continuing progress

Song - Fuck it- Eamon

Last Laugh - tommy molesting Evans' pizza at pizza hut

http://www.fuckvday.com/

2006-02-04T03:23:00.000-06:00

i fell in love.

to bad she's not real.

to bad she'll never feel the same.

to bad she's perfect.

to bad she doesn't know my name.

wow..... that was purely out of my ass poetry, cause i'm fairly waisted, and i just figured out that rhymed.

yea, FUCK FEBUARY... thats all i gotta say about that. the only girl that would fesably be interested in me is fictional. now if theres somthing more depressing than that, i dare you to think of it, cause you might break into tears. i know, wah wah wah, worlds smallest violin... whatever, fuck you all you happy people. I have no one, no one i can love, no one i can be intimate with, no one i can hug, no one i can go out of my way to feel ike there te queen of someones universe. no one . all i hear about is how other guys are stupid and nieve, how that no one can take my advice and that the VAST majority of the male populus is severly female-retarded.

if the nice guys finish last, i'm the guy waving the flag, i'm the judge of the race, i'm the marshal. I dont even get to participate in the FUCKING race. why?

cause i know too much aperintly, i'm the best weapon a guy could have, if they would just fucking listen to me all would be good. i see so many stpuid guys making asses out of themselves to great girls, and those girls keep going back to the same assholes because there less of an asshole than the last asshole that they just broke up with!!!!

GAHHH!!!....

i wish i could stop giving advice, i would love to stop realizing that being the dick and saying stupid things to a woman who loves me was wrong, then maybe i can get some, maybe i'll be in a relationship. maybe its cause every girl i've had a decent relationship with i've NEVER HAD A SERIOUS ARGUMENT WITH... think of that guys... i've been with 2 outstanding girls.

thats right all you fuckers who think i'm a whore, who think that i'm a player just because i have the periodic table of sex poster. i've had a serious relationship with @... DOS.... TWO FEMALES... and i still adore them both. those women relised that there was somthing different about me. they gave me the fucking time of day. they were happy at least for a short time.

it all boils down to this. I wont be happy, i have to realise this, because people my age, eveyone my age, eveypone REMOTELY close to my age is looking for somthing as far away from a smart relationship as possible.

i can't wait to move to madison.

i can't wait to go away.

i can't wait to find love.

cause i know love is waiting for me. but where i have no clue.

FUCK FEBUARY!!!

I hate Febuary

2006-02-01T01:44:00.000-06:00

so its here, and its come on fairly early.

I hate being single. thats why i'm gonna like moving out. I'm the only one in this house that is single. and i hate it. I'd love to move on but i cant make the move. its disgusting to me. I love being there for everyone and i'd like to have my own life and hapiness again. i'd like to share that with someone.

To have someone to make me smile, to shoot the shit with, to be comfortable saying nothing and just being with. Someone who can be there for me when i feel like this. Someone that i can be afectionate with, and i can do nice things for for no reason at all.

but no. I'm a bachelor. I'm the college bachelor that is fun to be arround, the dependable one, with time on his hands to help others out, to be a good chum, to be there for your needs.

thats not who i want to be. yea, its close, but i would love to have that person that i could escape to, the one person that i can hold and feel at peace.

i was told i was 'such a girl' because i liked cuddling. so sue me. i want human contact.

not exactly 1:30, more like 1:15...

and i bet by now, i'll have over 1,000 hits. sence like september.... thanks for reloading a bunch you 5 people that read this.

Family: Havent stopped by in a while, i should make the time
Fraternity: RUSH BABY! WOOO
Social: I need to get a taco night reunion going
Money: coasting to the next payday again, but its ok, i have to get a credit card though
Work: Waiting for madison, but trying to to say 'fuck it, i'm out of here soon' tooo much
Females: ...read above post....
Drama: none, now that i said that, lay it on me
School: just gotta enroll... that should be easy and 30$
Friends: madison will be good to me, i hope...
Health: i have to start doing somthing.... ANYTHING, cause i have the awesome potential of being atractive
Song: Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus
Last Laugh: Tlyer's 21st birthday at the bars "i cant take a shot with my eyes open"

Pants?

2006-01-31T20:54:00.000-06:00

ahh to be hapy...

just thought you should all know the true meaning of hapiness

My first step to becoming a hermit

2006-01-25T01:46:00.000-06:00

people our age in large groups are morons.

that being said, i shouldn't have to explain, because any mass of people loose all individuality and will never grasp any opinion other than the one best advertised on TV.

thats right, GEICO might have allot of comercials, and hell, Phi Mu Alpha even gets a discount, but i have a small agency that doesnt spend money on advertizing to the 'tool-nation'

*sigh*

so i went out tonight, i know i said i was gonna take some time off drinking and i ended up doing that. I hate the bars. No, I detest the bars. I would rather spend a night in and talk and have a nice conversation with a group of friends over a few drinks. Thats why I love our porch, We still get the morons that are drunk as hell, and occasionally we get to watch a feild sobriety test. You never have to worry about the stupid hoes that think they need to stand right in the fucking middle of traffic so they can have every guy going past cop a feel.

those guys are the low end guys, just drunk as hell and not caring. They end up geting in a fight, or calling an Ex-Girlfriend at the end of the night and passing out in a pool of their own vomit.

The middle of the row guys are Going out to have agood time, but still want to 'Mack'. these guys will pause and have small talk with the girl. In this town it useually starts with classes, its such a small town, eveyone knows somthing about someone, even if they made it up. This guy will distract said Hoe until the next group can get by.

This group, wich i was proudly part of tonight, seeing as i hit up ...oh... 4 - 5 bars without having a drink, just want to move and not be wedged up against the fat guy and the wall.

Tonight i could care less how much you thought you were atractive or that you should be the center of attention, christ, get a life and get out of my fucking way.

grrr.... i just want to get out of the monotony. I want to be 27, Solid and have a good group of friends. be secure finacially aswel as mentaly. not 22, strugling to find affection and not even knowing if i need it. I have to prioritise. my needs (family, friends, fraternity, job, money, security) are far more important than my wants (the touch of someone who cares, someone other than my fraternity brothers to call and just chat with, life to be easy, to have balls enough to ask this girl out) right now.

I'm so many things to so many people. I'm a scapegoat, I'm a leader, I'm the Go-To guy, I'm Dr. Ruth, I'm the crazy guy, I'm The ROCK, I'm the shoulder to cry on, I'm the first person to call, I'm the last to lie.

I'm allot of things, but what i'm not is allone. even though i get these times that i feel like i'm the only one. Not in a cocky way, but that yet again, I'm the bit part in someone else's play.

i have to realise i cant be whole. I can't be perfect. No one can. Its a rather large conflict actually... if we're all aspiring to be whole, to be perfect, yet we can only be perfect in our eyes. and no matter what we can always find flaws within our own self or at least with our actions.

So if we are all striving for a perfection that cannot be acheived, what are we doing here?

oh god no.

i'm discussing the meaning of life on my blog. its time to stop. its times like these i wish the new 'high-boys' were here to debate this with me. Adam North, John Beardsley, And John Buaver (SP?) are the smartest pot heads i've ever had the pleasure of holding a conversation with and they might enjoy this one.

Seeing as they are not here, and all of you have stopped reading by now, and have gone on to checking eveyone else who never updates their blog. i will end this nights streaming conciousness.

Don't pee on the seat, unless you don't like the lady after you in line

and don't forget, keep your stick on the ice... ;-)

Life, or somthing completly not what i'm used too...

2006-01-23T22:22:00.000-06:00

I made Sara Griffins night tonight, or at least I think I did. Its not every day that one of your friends comes up to you after bugging you about going on a trip with them and then just says there gonna pay for them to go out to New York for a week for their birthday.

I sure hope that her boyfriend doesn't hate me, cause i'm not doing this for any ill intention.

(Anonomous caps locker, no need, I know what your thinking.)

Honestly and truly, I have the ends and the means to do somthing really nice for this aspiring girl. She's a fenominal actress (You all know that i'm the guy that says 'you did ok' after the shows, just kiddingly keeping ego's in check, but for her, everything i've seen her in, or have been in with her, has been just awesome.), yet she hasn't been to the meca of her craft. After going back and forth on being able to fund, or scedual it, I decided to say 'you need to do this, and i'll help'. I'm doing this because I think she could be something special, and anything a friend can do to help another friend out is worth doing. Like I said, I have no ill intention, I told her and her friends that well before this panned out, i just have to re-iterate it because it looks like i'm trying to buy her away from her boyfriend. I AM MOST CERTAINLY NOT. Its a shame a person can't do a thing like this and not be scrutinised. I'm taking a pro-active stance on the whole issue, so just drop it, start your own drama elcewhere.

*phew* Now that I got that out there, ITS GONNA RULE! So far all she wants to do is eat a hot-dog at a baseball stadium and a very large slice of pizza. I sure hope theres more she wants to do, because I plan on going to at least 2-3 broadway shows, all the sites we can handle, museums, clubbing, everything! I lived there for two solid months and i'm disapointed in myself that I didn't DO anything... I got really goood at playing HALO, thats about it.

I really have to thank Carl and Noah. I'm glad I have friends that I can still mooch off of for a week after I lived with them for 2 months, I figured they would hate the idea. haha, there should be like AA meetings for my ex-roomates.

So I have a BUNCH of stuff to plan this semester...

Why am I still saying 'this semester'... I have to start gauging things in months at least till fall...

Oh yea, I hope to be meeting with the transfer guy from UWW soon so I don't get dicked (too much, cause thats what whitewater does the best, fucking over students)out of any of my buisness classes being transfered over, I figure it could knock off at least a semesters worth of classes.

this would be my curiculum, i'll RED out what I can easily ace/test out of, and BLUE out what I should get from UWW...

Introduction to Interior Design
Fundamentals of Design
Basic Drafting
Interior Components 1
Interior Design Textiles
History of Architecture and Interiors 1
Business Math

16 credit semester, EASY classes...

Interior Design CAD
Perspective Lab
Presentation Techniques
Space Planning
Interior Components 2
History of Architecture and Interiors 2
Communication Skills 1

17 credits, Might be chalenging...

Kitchen and Bath Design
Commercial Design 5.00
Lighting
Communication Skills 2
Psychology of Human Relations
Elective

19 credits, but a nice hefty design lab, but all around it is called "I was already a kitchen designer, and i've worked retail for 7 years. TRY and teach me things..."

Professional Practice
Advanced Interior Design
Interior Design Internship
Economics
Contemporary American Society
Elective

16 credits, of wich 3 would be entailed by working at Sherwin Williams... coincedently while they pay for school for me by this time... So my life is gonna rule.

By summer of 2008 I should be an Assistant Manger at a fourtune 100 top rated company, with a degree in a feild wich I can make a ton of money, Looking to transfer to a higher education (somewhere a little more respected than MATC), taking my experience and starting my own buisness. with the following employees (list tenative)

Andrew Hale - Personal Designer to the stars
Dennis Lynn - Buisness Manager/Publicity
Jason Ward (my current Assistant Manger) - Corporate Account Coordinator/ Liazon

More to come on that. But as for now, I should really get some emails out, cause this post has gone on entirely toooooo long.

I woke up early, so I post.

2006-01-23T11:26:00.000-06:00

*YAWN*

For some reason i got up at 10 when i dont have to work until 1. dunno why, i just did. so this is gonna be a short one, sorry folks.

wow...

REALLY short...

cause i have to leave in about 10 minutes and i'm still naked...

Family: mom and dad are going to try and help me with finances, i just have to get them all in line
Fraternity: First meeting went well, but i have to realize whats going to happen.... and damn easter for getting in my way
Social: i'm getting out, Thanks Tiffany.
Money: I DIDN'T OVER DRAFT MY ACCOUNT BEFORE MY PAYCHECK CAME!!!
Work: Boss is back today from a week off, i wonder if i'm gonna get greif for somthing or other...
Females: waiting in the wings
Drama: ... only internaly
School: i gotta call the guy that does transfers so i can get credits for all 10 of my shitty semesters here.
Friends: i swear to god, i need to visit EVERYONE.
Health: losing weight, under 200. starting to get toned. i dont know how, i dont exersize, i think its no soda.
Song: There's Always Someone Cooler Than You [live] - Ben Folds
Last Laugh: 12 Sinfonians in one room, I cant count the laughs.

Marty, Hailey, Denise....FUCKING POST ALREADY!!!

Bill's Place

2006-01-20T21:36:00.000-06:00

here you go, my first real job.

I really didn't want to clean his whole place again, cause i had to get to work. so its 'lived in'
Here's a bonus, how it looks as you walk into the door.

Now on to Bill's room.
and an even bigger bonus, you fools get Tyler's room aswel

yes, i think it looks spectacular, and aperintly he got off paying a good amount.... but it would have ben a profetional job, Ah well. Experience is well needed and apreciated.

I can't sleep.

2006-01-19T03:53:00.000-06:00

So its almost 4am. I can't sleep and I don't know why. I'm fairly wide awake and I have to get up at aproximetly 6am to clean the outside of the house so we don't get any greif from our landlord. It's kind of rediculous if you ask me, I should have done it when I was playing video games today.

yea, I am now filling my vast amounts of free time with playing 'Burnout - Revenge'. At least its better than drinking, wich I am going to lay off of for a little while, my last little blog post kind of made me realise I might be drinking a tad bit much as of late. Not really for any reason either, just a bunch of surcumstances. I think i'm going to take a break after my night out with Tiffany Friday.

I feel kind of sick, i've been trying to drink more water and have a glass of grapefruit juice at least once a day, i'm pretty sure my body hates me.

I wanted to call kari today, just because. I had nothing better to do at work, but my phone was almost dead. I didn't even call tommy for that long. Mr. Cerqua is on my daily call list, I feel weird if I don't talk to him at least once a day. I am not gay. But people are telling me I have more and more tendencies like one. It saddens me.

I'd like to not be single again. But wouldn't every single guy out there? I don't feel special in this need, but I do have a good thing that could be. I just need to grow some balls and ask.

I don't like living in a house with a bunch of people that are going to school when i'm not. Its just weird. I did it whe I lived with Paul and Kuhn, and thats what drove me back to school. I think its because the time they can spend hanging out is limited not only by work, but now by homework. Lord knows I am the last person to try and persuade someone not to do homework and hang out... Well, the last person you should listen to when I say such things.

The whole transition looks like its going to go very smooth. I'm taller than Brian, the manger at Madison-west. I like that fact. I totally caught him off guard when I showed up to his store Tuesday. I like being in control of the situation.

maybe thats why I went over the edge from my Financial aid. I was told I was acting "EMO". I'm not sure what the exact terminology is, but in context, I assumed it was a self loathing, whiner. I hate that, So I move on. I was defeated, but I have a back up plan.

My greener pastures.

My escape from the dead end.

My new life that I will be happy and sucsessfull at.

My life.

My happiness.

I'm still wide awake. I think its because I know i'm cutting bait. I think its because I have so much to say, yet no one hears me. I think its because i'm about to explode. I think its because theres somthing wrong with me; not figuratively, but on the whole.

I can't get rid of my thoughts of Kari, yet I can't stop thinking about HER. Its rather flustrating;

and yes, I say FLUSTRATING. I feel more cofortable saying that now that Dawn Rochelle uses it aswell, and complimented my useage of the word.

So there.

I'm still sleepless, trying to figure out who I can live with and who I should live without.

The really sad thing is, SHE has blue eyes too... so anything I reference will either come off as sad poetry of a lost love, or the reaching for a new friendship,

and hell if I can even determine at this point, even though I don't exist in either of their eyes.

(for you who don't get it, I am talking about 2 different people... i felt i had to explain as to not sound too 'EMO' )

Damn you Kristina, for being right. But I know i'm ready.

I think its just gas keeping me up.

Why can't I be simple?

... better

2006-01-17T21:23:00.000-06:00

ok, i know i had to vent, and i got a little drunk when i was posting.

But i think i'm going to heed some of Al's advice and work on my spelling. I'm sick of deleting comments from random people taht look at my blog that all they can coment on is that " you need to learn how to fucking spell."

its agrivating at best.

yes, i was drunk while writing the last post, that acounts for the slurs, but i said that right in the epilouge... its like some people are just out there to criticise.

come on ... get a life.

and on that note I apologize. I wasn't myself today. I was irate and yelling. Thats not me. I don't like it when I get that way.

There you go 'kerriced'. I'm sorry I don't like to ruin my thought process by spellchecking everything I put on here.

*sigh*

somthing from Little Nemo just poped into my head...

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...."

I told Tom that i might kill him tonight...

2006-01-17T15:23:00.000-06:00

epilouge: I just went out and purchaced 3 bottles of Mad Dog 20/20, the drink that gets me good and drunk because of what your about to read, as i am currently chugging the first of three, 1/4 of the way done after writing this paragraph. so it might get sloppy by the end of the post. I khope i don't get angry, i am drinking alloe and pissed off. this isn't healthy, but its the only thing that will settle me down.

The story;

so in june, aperintly i was sent 2 letters telling me that i needed to jump through some extra hoops to get my finacial aid. i never really took these letters seriously, because i was taking a summer course that would bring my GPA up to over a 2.0

wich i t did.

so i assumed (i know, i assumed...) that the system, WINS, the same system that both the students use and the university uses to keep track of the students would realize that i had taken the summer class and that i didn't need to go through the SAP (student apeals process) because i was a student in good standing thats enroled.

so i sat on my hands when i had to put in my FAFSA, yea, thats my fault, i admit it. Fact is, it was still put durring fall semester when i was in good standing with the university and was enroled, i shouldn't have had any problems.

or so i thought.

i got a certified letter from the university december 9th, i didnt get to reciving it untill the 22nd, again... my fault. it was then that UWW took me to collections because they had not recived any financial aid. they assumed i would have known that i didn't get an award letter so i would have KNOWN to come in and talk to them...

heavn fucking forbid they actually put effort forward...

so i go to the office, try and go through the hoops and get my SAP figured out. They had dated material that i was accepted for aid for fall and spring semester december 23rd. so i waited till the 26th to call the collections office, ('E' her name is, the nice lady that has delt with me for a few years now and actually enjoys seeing me cause i understand shes not the devil and i co-operate with her) and explain that i called the office for finacial aid and they said, 'oh, you were enroled and you do have over a 2.0... so were gonna get you 55 hundred for aid'...i was fucking exstatic.

but i told E, i was gonna call back just in case, cause i know how UWW is with money.

I'm fucking glad i did, cause 3 days later they explained to me that they werent going to give me aid because i wasnt at a 2.0 after fall semester.

i was pissed.

not only would i have not known that if i wouldn't have called, but the fact that i was lied too.

ok, so i say FUCK IT, i'm done. i'm not coming back, i'm gonna take the semester off and go elcewhere, so i didnt bother calling back, i didn't care anymore, i owe 3+ grand, i'll figure it out.

so i planned out my year, i was happy, knowing that i had plans. i even went to visit my new store that i'm going to transfer too just this morning.

but last weekend, January 12th, i get my award letter telling me that i'm going to get my money and theres a letter SIGNED IN PEN PERSONALY BY CAROL MILLER, THE HEAD OF FINANCIAL AID HERSELF saying that i was accepted through the SAP process to get my financial aid.

TOOOOOO GOOD TO BE TRUE....

i talked to cassie (Ben's girlfriend and employee of the university student accounts) and she told me to accept it online and double check it in person.

tahts what took me an hour and a ahlf of bitching and explaining my point to many high-up-n's that i should get my money for fall, and i'm not coming back to UWW.

it ends up that i was lied too the first time. unless i enrol full time at a university that i do not want to be a part of, i will not recive ANY aid WHAT-SO-EVER for anything.

i got fucked.

this is the first time that i felt like a number. the first time i got told, 'oops you fell through the cracks, your screwed, sorry'

i have gotten through tht first of 3 bottles of mad dog.

i am drunk at 4:02 PM on tuesday, janury 17th 2006.

i hoppe i make it through this.

i dont know how i can settle down

so i drink

thats so bad.... i don't do this. i'm not a drunk, not an alcoholic.

but what elce is there to make me happy?

tahts right.... not much...

don't cross me, i don't know what i'm doing.

i need strees relif

Bill's Place

2006-01-14T21:43:00.000-06:00

I decided to keep you all in suspence. These are pictures of Bill's place without a damn thing in it. Before paint, before furniture, before anything.

This is the view from His kitchen looking into the living space

This is the oposite view. Looking into the kitchen.
This is the main bedroom looking in as you come into the room.

This is the inverse, looking back into his bathroom.

Now that you've seen it 'Vanilla', you'll get the finished product soon... like when i finish it.

A Post

2006-01-14T19:29:00.000-06:00

just another boaring update... i tried a new wesite for my new blog 'blogtastic.com'... yea, didn't work out so well, somehow i cant let people post. even though only 2 people had it, it was still kind of flustrating.

i'm thinkin about MySpace, but thats a little to well known. who cares.

I went to Chicago last night, it was preatty fun, the trifecta was in effect, good times and good music. met this Adam kid, he was fucking hilarious. he would fit in well with our gang.

i cant wait to get out of here, and i also dont want to miss anyone. its weird knowing whats going on without too much complications.

update: depending on when Dennis can get out of his lease, i'll be moving to Madison a.s.a.p. so there. i wish i could say i was getting to go to NYC or chicago, but its just not falling into place.

i'm still looking for someone to go to NYC with me for a week or so, in early May.

Also, i'm looking to go to the 'Kitchen and Bath Industry show and conference' in Chicago. 25$ a ticket and a night out in Chicago (on me) to whoever wants to go and be a dork with me. Its April 21 - 23 so whenever.

If your any good at back rubs, i'll pay you. completely plutonic, i just need my shoulders to relax. i'm not used to painting 10ft walls.

sometime this week i should have pictures of Bill's place up on here.

thinking about going to the library more, to check out design books and start studying my new career.

Family: mom still thinks i'm selfish. its flustrating, it really is...
Fraternity: i need more sons!
Social: spending more time out means i'm gonna meet new people
Money: have $119 more than i thought i did, happy day
Work: transfering to (more than likely) Madison-West, and Jason might try and get fired, that'll be fun
Females: 99 problems... and a bitch ain't one
Drama: i should start some, just to make life more interesting
School: just to apply to the Design school, maybe look for some othere reputable schools to transfer too later
Friends: now that i have time on my hands not being in school and all, i'll see you more
Health: shoulders are killing me
Song: Pump it - Black Eyed Peas
Last Laugh: Adam, he's one hilarious guy

ugh... le sigh

2006-01-12T20:56:00.000-06:00

so in responce to kari's coment,

your right, i don't mean to make you look like a bad person here. its just gotten to the point that i'm pretty close to not giving a damn. yea, i was ticked at the time, but you had no reason to do anything special. i guess at the time i thought there might be somthing there. ah well. no biggie.

i'm just so happy i'm complacent about things now. i have so much other shit to worry about. i'm not dwelling anymore. i feel a bit more empowered now that i'm not a snivling, whining wreck. not that i was outwardly, but i felt like that for a while. i'm over it. i can listen to all the songs, i can think about all the times and not be.... well, not myself.

i think the main reason is that i know what i'm doing for the whole year. i know theres nothing left for me in Whitewater, why try and start somthing serious. why even atempt to start anything not serious?

i dont even know what i'm posting about anymore... theres only one thing i really want to know about us, and that i really don't want to know. you've moved on, so have i. i'm not lashing out at you, never ment to even if it seemed like it.

its nice to not have anything to say anymore.

ok, now to a post.

so i've been keepin myself occupied allot lately, with nothing much. i almost finished Bill's place, it looks FUCKING pimp. i love what i do.

i'm not coming back to UWW. i know i know, about time you figured that out. but it took a while for my ego to tell me to quit. but i'm still gonna be here, then in madison with Dennis in the fall... but the summer is still up in the air. I'd love to live out in NYC again, but that fell through. So i'm looking into living in Chicago with U-boat. this would be AWESoME. but more than likely it would end up me passing out on Fish's sofa.

tired... i'm soooo tired, just in general.

BUT PSYCHED! going to chicago to....marrow... technically. kickin house party and hopefully i'll get out and see arround the city saturday. i'm excited, and i hope nothing bad happens to the party.

i need to get in shape... cause i could be DAMN sexy. could be...

Does anyone read this?

2006-01-06T20:04:00.000-06:00

people must, because my counter keeps going up, but alas, no one seems to update as much as i do. somthing is wrong with that. W R O N G wrong... vauge Dane Cook reference, but apropriate.

so yea, this is getting lame people, i cant be the only source of entertainment you have? sheesh. entertain me every once and a while, i care what your up to. Tyler hasnt done shit on his in forever, and most of you UWW groupies that got me doing this have all but stoped. fine if you think these are drama enduced journals, but hell, its fun knowing whats up.

or am i going to be forced to show up at your house.

i'll do it, you know i will.

thats all i got.

talk to you later

2006 as i want it to be

2006-01-05T23:25:00.000-06:00

so i spent some time at work today thinking about how to use my 56... yes i said 56 hours of PAID vacation time this year. my first thought was another weeks worth od debouchary like my 21st... but its my 23rd, so its not as big of a deal. so for that i'll just take a few days and have somthing like an 'invite only' party... but everyone i know is invited. just keeps down on the randoms...

but i digress... i started thinking about a vacation, so i thought of New York. why not, spend some time out east again. for a weekend or somthing. but then i got to thinkin... why not spend another summer in new york? what aswell idea-r.

then i got to thinking, that actually makes sence! no metter what i'm done with UWW after this semester, and i'm going to MATC over fall for interior design but the summer was up in the air, i had no lease signed and not sure if i would work at madison or whitewater over the summer. so why not? get out of here for a while.

but it fell through, Noah cant have me for more than a few weeks, so that was out. so i thought he might have a freind take me in... this is where i realised i was getting a little grandios so i called the one person that would naysay any idea i had if it had any flaw. the one man that would shoot me down if any part of my idea was flawed. the best devil's advocate EVER.

my father.

i explained it to him ... and he thought it was a decent idea, to get out, study what i wanted in a different area, get out of the monotony, i'm in transition anyways.

i was floored.

but his main thing was 'why New York, you've done that already. try someplace elce'. so i made some calls and it looks like Chicago is my best bet. I don't know where yet, i'd love to live with my pledge brother Andy Ulatowski. i t would be FUCKING AWESOME. i would be out of this area, in a new venue, in transition, liking what i do, having fun.

then i would be back in august i think, possibly live with Dennis again, wich would rule, going to MATC, learing what i love and working in Madison.

all a have to do it organize it, make sure i can transfer to different stores, get living arrangements, whatnot... but hell its January 5th... well 6th now. and i'm already thinking ahead... weird...

but i'm still thinkin about going to NYC in April, go to visit. and i want to take someone who wants to go that REALLY wants to go, i'm lookin at you theatre people. the ones that... every time i mention that i went out there and lived for 2 months, auditioned for RENT, saw Uncle Jessie in Cabaret... the people that would apreciate it the most, thats who i want to take... so far Sara Griffin is the only one with a real inteest. but hell, its only $140 round trip. April 12th to the 16th

you know you want to...

Family: its been a while, i'll go back today for laundry.
Fraternity: i should really get on doing shit for next semester... eventually
Social: i went to go see Crystal the other day, met a girl, she was kinda hot...
Money: poor, but living
Work:lots of thinking to do about where i'm gonna go over this year
Females: glad i dont have to worry about them, its making my life easier
Drama: none that i know of, besides the last post, but that hasn't happened ... yet
School: 1.985 is aperintly good enough... who knew? going undeclaired and trying to take it easy
Friends: i know who you are... i love you guys
Health: i should eat every once and a while...
Song: (Who Discovered) America? - Ozomatli
Last Laugh: The pirate rule in Circle of Death

the past few hours

2006-01-04T01:48:00.000-06:00

so i went Kinda AWOL today and yesterday... i honestly dont think anyone noticed... wich saddens me

but i digress. i was in milwaukee painting Bill's new Condo. i bet i put in a solid 15 hours of painting sence monday night. it looks sweet. i'll put the pictures up on the DHE, and i'm proud of it. after i was done and got all oraganised and looking perfect hailey, denise, marty and haileys freind showed up. i was truly nervous. i mean, this was one of the first times i went from an idea phase, planning out , looking at the project, consulting with the homeonwner, doing the labor, making the place look marvelous and having people who knew what it looked like before look at it again.

it was like those shows where they put like 5 grand into a new living room or somthing without telling you. haileys look was just what i needed. i know what i want to do.

i paint, and i design. I'm good at it. I like doing it. It pays well. I'm happy.

while i was writing this i was talking to Matt Volden, and he wanted me to look up if i was actually dismissed or not, cause i never got 'the letter'.

looks like they didn't kick me out after all...

but i'm going undeclaired, taking some art classes... the basics... just to get more into design. then next fall i'm going to go to MATC. i'm dead set on it. only thing that would stop me would be finances.

fucking money, always keeping me from doing what i want

...so its been 4(ish) post sence i mentioned kari. i actually had 2 days in a row where nothing reminded me of her, it was odd, but welcome. also a good thing. cause i gotta vent about somthing that happened today.

and unless otherwise stated, i know the all caps anonymous is you AL, just put a name on it for petes sake, and this is what happened and how i felt. live with it.

anyways... so i made Kari a Christmas present, a mix CD that had all the songs that were the good time songs, song that reminded me of how things were. i specificaly stated in the letter attached that this was NOT an attempt to get back together, becuae it wasn't. i also got her a skarf.

now i really don't like looking a gift horse in the mouth, but i'd like to think that we did have those good times and that she did know me well enough to get somthing personal, i wouldn't care how much it costed or where it came from, just to know she put some thought into it, really i didn't expect anything at all because of how things had gone the last few months.

so her reply to me getting her somthing was to give me a watch that she gets from work. i thought sweet! those are good looking watches. but every time she brought them up, she kept saying that "i have tons of them laying arround", at the time, i didn't care, a free watch thats supposed to be expensive... sweet deal.

so today when i was at bills painting she stopped by, almost reluctantly, trying to get out of there as soon as possible. she complimented my work and the colors, we shot the shit for a bit, then she handed me the watch and put it on. Bill was looking at it and said somthing like "nice watch" wich she replied 'i have a ton, do you want one?'

now how do you think i feel at this point? someone i had a grand conection too, i have to resort to making sure i wash my hands good and hard so i can keep small talk up to see how shes been before i get the goodbye hug?

one of my newer friends got a tad bit of a vent on this today, and she asked me a good question; somthing allong the lines of "was it hard getting over her?"

my instant and honest relpy; 'it gets easier every day'

now she might have had somewhere to go, thats fine, she might not have thought that was ... i dont want to say disrespectfull, i dont want to say hurtfull, i dont really know the word... lets just say wrong. she might have assumed the oposite, i picked out a few i liked, she picked from that list.

its all in the presentation. its not what you say, its how you say it.

yes, this has been a rant. you decided you wanted to come here, read a bit of my insanity. its your fault that you wanted to see what my version of truth is.

now go away.

A Post

2006-01-02T01:31:00.000-06:00

so its been quite a while, i missed you all.

all week long its been 11-7 and friday i was there 9-7. now i didn't sleep the whole time, just a bit more than most people would at there jobs. i kep myslef busy and tried enought that i havent really had any 'me' time. no, that doesn't mean i didn't have time to jerk it, i did that enough, cause thats the only action i got, i might aswell get it as often as i can, heh. so thats why i haven't been posting like mad, either here or at the DHE.

the biggest thing i have to update on is my fasion, yes, i'm paying attention to how i look when i'm not at work. besides today, i was struttin around town in my bath robe. it was sweet.

i went out and bought about $150 worth of clothing, thats allot for me. plus some of it was name brand, wich is totaly out of charicter for me. but i figure its about time for a charicter improvement.

New years. what an interesting night. i broke out 'the outfit' that Lindsay and Tommy picked out for me. i got compliments on my clothing and a few ladies were hitting on me. needles to say, i enjoyed it. she ended up with annother dude... on my couch... heh, then they went out to have sex in the hallway. the laugh i got out of it for a few reasons.

they were making out HARD-CORE whilst we were singing (especially funny when we went on a knee for serinade, they got an ovation.)
my first verse of VIVA making fun of them because neithere one had a place to go to that night, they both got brought there by others. hehe.
they were keeping up the other... oh... 4 people passing out in my room
they took the 'siffy-cooter scratching post& sewage sponge' aka my red boddy pillow, yes kivi, the one you spoon with when you pass out in my room.

hehe... what a night. took in a good amount of jameson and 7, but one nice heardy "i'm trying to help you out, maybe you'll get a massage" nut shot from bill, while we were circled up, really sobered me up quick. i've never been closer to just putting my all into punching someone in the face before, but i stopped. cause not only would that be reallly bad to do to a brother, but even more so when we were circled up and singing.

so what elce?

i still havent looked into MATC, i should really get on that. tomarrow morning, i swear. this year i want to find out and do a few things. these aren't really resolutions, but more of goals. in no particular order or focus.

do somthing none of my firends have, like somthing they wouldn't want to do, but respect me for doing.
ask out a complete stranger, and suceed.
get a decent physical and find out why i have; tiwches, really bad farts, and get my joints looked at.
go out west
visit more people
save money

i think i could do m0ost of that in a year. its phesable. i especially like the 'askingout a complete stranger' one, because i need to have someone out of the whitewater circle to talk to, everyone here knows my stories already. and going to MATC will really help. maybe i'll find someone there. maybe i wont. YARGH.

i don't know where the random pirte speek came from, i guess thats a sign that i should stop typing and go to bed.

now for somthing i havent done in quite some time...

Family: they have my blog now! both of them! notthat i'm going to cencor myself, just maybe say hi more.
Fraternity: thinking about who's going to replace me, and how i'm gonna get more sons this semester
Social: i need to go to the bars more, but that costs money
Money: still poor, like 25 in the hole poor, hopefully bill pays me tuesday
Work: i'm gonna like this next paycheck, if i don't get fired for doing bill's house
Females: not really caring right now. for now i have to worry about #1
Drama: a bit of house drama, but no.
School: 1.985 is not a 2.0 so there goes UWW...
Friends: i'm gonna randomly stop in to more people more this year. so watch out.
Health: bowels are acting weird, maybe if i ate right it would help
Song: Express Yourself - Charles Wright & The Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band
Last Laugh: the never ending game of WAR at pizza hut

too busy to blog?

2005-12-28T20:08:00.000-06:00

thats what i think is going on... weird... i dreally don't have much to say even though allot is going through my head... meh...

New Years

2005-12-26T22:24:00.000-06:00

so this year i'm hoping for the almost complete oposite of last year. I don't want to get to the point of bulegerancy that i was, ad i'm staying away from concreete stairs.

i'm still not sure where i want to go, madison or here? i'm probably not going to decide until the day of, and i might party hop.

my goal is to have someone to kiss at newyears, as the ball drops. this more than likely will not happen.

speaking of more than likely not happening...

my new years resolutions! yes i said resolutions.... as in plural.

1.) keep tack of my finances. know better where my money goes. maybe balance my checkbook once a month. budget for bills. whatnot...

2.) improve myself... yes i know thats very vauge, but being at a highpoint in my feeling good, i'm ready for some changes. like wearing work clothes, and non work clothes... dressing up and not wearing dress clothes. giving up soda. watching what i eat. doing situps. stuff like that.

i don't have any reason not to do these things, there very simple and kind of comon sence...

but who ever said i had comon sence?

happy aniversary

2005-12-25T21:22:00.000-06:00

So here it is, the actual aniversary/birthday/christmas of my Blog. the source of problems, pain and mostly relif.

I got in from the LONG...10 minute.... drive back to ferris from my house. my mom was sick so we didnt have dinner, me my dad and adam wen to go see King Kong. it was decent. i've been listening to the CD i made for kari's present allot sence i (well, tom made it, but i put the songs together) made it. i know i'm ok with everything, because its like before we started dating. we're friends, thats what i want. i really want to get back into singing, like better than in the shower. thats why i hope i get into celebreation, if its still happening... thats a whole different issue. but i feel so at home when i'm preforming. so at peace. and i know i can do it. i know i can relay the passion and emotion because it flows through me when i listen to it and i have the talent, or at least i think i do.

i tried to text or call everyone on my list, if i didn't i'm sorry, we should hang out more so i feel like i know you and your not just a number in 'THE PHONEBOOK OF DEATH' out of convenience. shitty to say, but i felt bad not sending some out because i didn't know that person well enough.

riccardo is here with me. he's cleaning the WHOLE house... a daunting task. once i'm done here i'm gonna help untill arround 11 when i'm gonna go to perkins to meet up with noah shultz, one of my best freinds from highschool thats in town for a day or two for christmas. then hanging out with tommy, who knows.

much better than last year, the reason i started this.

and to that i say, yes Al Dobyns, i read your blog, and i'm going to stel your year end post.

January
1. did you have a new year's resolution this year?
"i resolve not to fallow through on any resolution"

2.Who kissed you at midnight?
no one, it might be another year for that

3. does it snow where you live?
Fuckin' A it does

4. do you like hot chocolate?
i didn't used to, but after a night at bestbuy i enjoy it

5. have you ever been to times square to watch the ball drop?
i was going to be this year, maybe someday

February
1. who was your valentine in 2005?
no-one, its only been once i had one

2. what did your valentine get you?

3. when you were little, did you buy valentines for your whole class?
tried to, but always wanted to make a special one for the girl everyone was after, but it was just shuffled away with everyone elces

March
1. are you Irish?
a very small percentage

2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day?
enough not to get pinched

3.what did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2005?
went to class, drank heavy for an hour, went to more class with beads on, went to work

April
1. Do you like the rain?
a warm rain is always welcome

2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year?
i always think of them too late.

3. do you get tons of candy on Easter?
no, never really have

May
1. What's your favorite kind of flower?
i can visualize it but i don't know what its called

3. Do you like the spring?
it always brings hope, i like hope

4. Finish the phrase: April showers....
make for good mud-puddles to play in

5. What would you think of as a spring color?
pink, salmon, pastel colors

June
1. What year did/do you graduate from school?
2001/ if i keep swiching i don't know if i ever will

2. Did you go on any vacations last June?
might have visited friends arround WI, but thats about it

July
1.What did you do on the 4th of july?
HA, good times up north, minaqua area, almost to the U.P. good times on the lake

2. do you go on any vacations during this month?
up north, that was about it

August
1. did you do anything special to end off your summer?!
got stressed for pledging, met kari

2. what was your favorite summer memory of '05?
August 8th. perfect.

3. do you go swimming a lot in the summer?
only once

September
1. Did you attend school/college in '05?
yup. barely.

2. who is/was your favorite teacher?
professor bowen, she was down to earth and didn't care i slept as long as i understood the shit

3. do you like fall better than summer?
"i'll call, i hate the fall"

October
1. what was your favorite Halloween costume ever?
my transformer costumer when i was like 4

2. what's your favorite candy?
cherry jolly ranchers, those peanutbutter things, candy necklaces

3. Did you dress up for Halloween this year?
not really, i wore my knew underware, robe, and slippers. everyone thought i was Jake Bares.., ha

November
1. whose house do you usually go to for thanksgiving?
the hale house, we don't do much as for family events.

2. Do you like stuffing?
hell yea!

3. What are you thankful for?
the peopel that have helped me through it all, the ones that will be ther, and the ones i have yet to meet. my parents for making me who i am.

December
1. do you celebrate Christmas?
my family doesnt do much, but we do go to church and exchange gifts, then go to a movie, its tradission

2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?
no, but thats a good idea for next year

3. What do you want this year for Christmas?
someone to guide me down the right path, a roadmap to life, someone to hold.

4. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas?
my snoopy pillow, may it rest in peace.

5. do you like cold weather?
only when i'm arround people who dispise it, cause i do well in cold

6. How would u rate your 05?
like i said in the last post, allot happened. but all in all it was a good year. i would hate to lose the memories, but this year wasn't extreemly grand, enough to remember as the best year or worst... just annother year.

so there it is, its not snowing, but i wish it would. cause i know i have you all out there. good or bad, your with me in my life and will be always in my memory. this year in and of itself might not be rememberd, but i will never forget the times and people i have gotten to know and continued to be arround and think about.

i wish i could take a picture with all of you, so it would be with me forever. a way of saying i love you all in one way or another.

Merry Christmas.

... So in your Christmas prayers this year, Alfie asked me if I'd ask you
to say a prayer for the wind, and the water, and the wood,
and those who live there, too.
-- John Denver & The Muppets - Alfie: The Christmas Tree

and now for somthing completely different...

2005-12-24T14:23:00.000-06:00

i know i'm a day early, but hell...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOG!!

there it is, its been one whole FREAKIN' year. we've been through allot.

lonely on the holidays
many spurts of depression
different 'updates' at the end of posts
a few drunken posts
... ok allot of drunken posts
my birthday bash
making a list of girls i would date... i should do that again...
wow, only posting once a month...
my 'getting a tan' theory
the best weekend ever
drama with Al
the random flashers
Allot about kari

so that took entirely too long, to look over the last year of my life and try to sumiraze what has happened.

therefore i'm moving my daily life posts to a different location. no, i'm not going to post this location, bacause i want to know who wants it. i still wont pull any punches, but i'd rather be specific on the new blog.

wow, two blogs, i recall complaining about lack of free time and now i'm making more for myself. weird.

Also, if you want to know what i would have gotten you for christmas, post a comment and i'll reply with what i would have gotten if i would have had cash.

as for that, my feet are cold, i haven't eaten yet today and its 3pm. i'm going home for christmas. i wont be sitting here allone in ferris.

its been one hell of a year. thanks for being there allong with me.

ok, heres an update

2005-12-24T14:14:00.000-06:00

i'm not that bad off. well i am. but i'm not dwelling on it like i was. i've picked myself up and i'm doing what i have to do.

i got a 1.6 somthin... sothat puts me at a 1.985 overall... wich gets me dismissed.

AGAIN

so there it is, i'm not in WW anymore. but i am still here, clawing tooth and nail to do what i can to stay sane.

first step is to get my financial aid figured out, the bastards randomly said i can't have it cause i got dismissed last time, but i got back in... fuckers.

then i look into going to MATC, hopefully in Fortatkinson so i can still be active in WW, but eventually moving to madison, probably next fall. i hate to go, i love this town and all the people in it, but i have to, for my own sanity. i know i could fight and get back in, but after this long, not doing what i had to do to get where i need to be, i need to cut my losses in school, and go after what i want.

from then, hopefully 2 years later i'll be able to get that degree, some classes that'll help me in my carrer, and over those 2 years i'll have made a ton of contacts by doing projects on the side and consulting at Sherwin Williams. I'll be 25 years old. a decent age to be young, fresh, and ambitious.

i'm not done. not by any means. i have a plan, i have goals, i have drive, and i have ambition. I also have freinds that wont let me fail. i'm eternaly greatfull for that. i don't know what i'd do without you. all of you. i know only a select few read this, but even those whom i hardlyt ever talk to, i know there still there.

Thank you, Everyone.

Don't worry about little old me, you know i'll survive somehow. i always do.

I'm a mess

2005-12-21T04:10:00.000-06:00

Some pre-requisets to this blog post; I am drunk. really drunk. I am depressed. Really Depressed.

i've gotten myself kciked out of school again. i know, its like the 4th time, but man, its fucking anoying. i hate doing this shit. why can't i be sucsessfull? why can't i do somthing with my life thats right? I try, i honestly do, but then i find somthing elce to dip all ofg my energy into. i don't want to blame my brotherhood for anything, but more and more i rtealize that i have been putting my fraternity over my schooling. and i'm the one who's supposed to be the teacher. the one who told Phil that he's got to get school work........

i just heard a bagpipe...

i'm dilusional....

anyways...

i'm the one who told phil that he needs to get his school work done before fraternity. this boy got worse because of me. and now i'm done. FUCKING DONE. i can't help it. i don't want to be here anymore, its not doing anything for me.

true, i ahve meet a shit ton of great people and have had allot of good experiences, but inin all i'm just another college drop out.

i know what i want to do in life, and i can see it hapening. i just need to find the ends to the means. the path. i can see the ending, but how to get there is beyond me. theres no way to explain what is really going through my head right now.

where do i go?
what dod i do?
how do i pay for this?
who am i disapointing?
what will people think?
am i going to be another mindless drone to life?
why can't i sucseed?
why is my abillity to rise above adversity not working anymore?
why am i allone?
what can i do to not feel like this?

these are but the tip o' the fuckin' iceburg on whats going through my head right now.

needless to say, i can't belive myslef. i can't belive that i've let everyone down.

I CAN'T BELIVE I'M CURLING UP AND QUITTING.

thats not me. i don't know where i am. i'm fucking lost, and the wqorst part is, i have absolutly no way of rinding myself.

i'm a fraud. a facade of happyness thats here to entertain everyone elce bu myself.

so here are my options (not that anyone CARES or reads this far... oh man, penauts is whining again, fucking right, no one fucking cares, i just type for my sanity).

!.) beg my stats professor to give me a D, wich would still give me a less than 2.o GPA wich would STILL get me kicked out, then write a letter and get put on academic probation. i think i've been on probation for more semesters than i havent in my tenure here...

@.) get kicked out, take my lumps like i should have 2 years ago, and go to MATC, hopefully this spring semester. but that would involve getting my bill cleared with UWW, wich is a little over 3 grand, so thats not likely going to happen.

#.) take a whole semester off. that would kill me, cause SW would want me full time and offer me more money. then i would still ilve at ferris but not be able to be involved. i would have to give up so many things but thats the most logical choise given my money situyation right now.

$.) the freak chance i pull a 2.0..... HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

%.) i get out of here. just go to madison or milwaukee or chicago. start with SW there, work for a year or two, go back to school to get that FUCKING peice pof paper that causees everyone som uch GOD DAMN misery and then start doing my won thing

^.) quit it all, just work full time, fuck school. disapoint everyone. move far far away. maybe NYC, do what i can there. i can't stand this place.

&.) somthing that i shouldn't even be thinking about. somthing that no one should think about. i may be giving up on UWW for now, but i'm not going there.

so thats it. i can't think anymore, i have a raquetball final at 10am, my last official final, and probably my last offical act as a student at the Unoiversity of Wisconsin - Whitewater.

wow, I SUCK AT LIFE.

the shoulders that are so broad, the shoulders that everyone can cry on, the man that everyone can turn too, the person that people confide in, the one that isd the life of the party and yuor best friend at the same time is done.

who can i turn to?

thoughts before bed

2005-12-19T01:57:00.000-06:00

i shouldn't just be let allone to sit and study, not only do i not study (because for some odd reason i think i'll be bale to skate by in life like i've been doing sooooo well on so far) but i sit and think about quitting.

sad fact is i might not come back after this semester. i owe too much money, i'm not putting my heart into it, i'm not putting school ahead of life now. i should be striving to leave, but i'm some sort of masochistic Van Wilder. i see the chalange of getting kicked out of school and in some strange way welcome it.

i'm not getting anything out of this, i'm thinking about just saying screw thid university and finishing out at a 2 year, then in a few years go for my design degree after i get some real world experience.

its shitty how the world works, i have to struggle through some menial bullshit, so i can have a menial job doing nothing important, so i can aquire things, and feighn happyness.

i'll never be happy with that. I know theres more out there. this is the second time i'll reference 'Pippin' in this Blog.

Everything has its season
Everything has its time
Show me a reason and I'll soon show you a rhyme
Cats fit on the windowsill
Children fit in the snow
Why do I feel I don't fit in anywhere I go?

Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly
I've got to be where my spirit can run free
Got to find my corner of the sky

Every man has his daydreams
Every man has his goal
People like the way dreams have
Of sticking to the soul
Thunderclouds have their lightning
Nightingales have their song
And don't you see I want my life to be
Something more than long....

Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly
I've got to be where my spirit can run free
Got to find my corner of the sky

So many men seem destined
To settle for something small
But I won't rest until I know I'll have it all
So don't ask where I'm going
Just listen when I'm gone
And far away you'll hear me singing
Softly to the dawn:

Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly
I've got to be where my spirit can run free
Got to find my corner of the sky

i need a purpose. somthing thats specific to me. All my life i lived to make people happy and to make things right. but more and more i'm finding that i can't do that. i can't make people happy if i'm not happy with myself.

i've got some searching to do. i'm waiting for that dare to be great situation. i havent even seen 'say anything...' but thats what i'm waiting for, some action that will define my life and how things will work out for me.

to clarify, i'm not waiting for somthing to plop into my lap, i know in this life you have to go after what you want to get it.

but what if you have no idea what you want....

i'm a lost soul on a broken pathway, just like the rest of us. i just hope that my life is important enough to not spiral downward, but also not maintain the path its on right now...

i need somthing.

i'm not disapointed with the results, but i thought you all should know

2005-12-19T00:22:00.000-06:00

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance
You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea
The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood
It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

The Excursion

2005-12-18T13:05:00.000-06:00

wow, what a day. i say day even though i havent really slept sence the drunken 3 hours i got friday night. after 9 hours of work 8-5 on saturday, speeding out of a work christmas party and going to Racine to spend the night huddled next to a Best-Buy with some crazyier than us people (who couldn't count to 31) and now i'm back. back to civilization. a long... i mean like hour long shower, and a nice shave job, especially going over 3 shampooing's seeing as the last time i showered was friday morning, and i was wearing the stupid hat all day... wich reeks now... its good to be back, i'm a little richer, like enough to go eat. i've got some good stories and the 6 of us bonded more.

all in all a good ol' time.

Closure

2005-12-16T22:11:00.000-06:00

so i didn't say it in here, but i just got back from seeing Kari. I know, I know, thats why i didn't say it, most of you level headed individuals who have been with me through this all would have advised me against it. and Anonymus probably would have had somthing to say aswel. but it was good. i got to get allot of things off my chest that i could only say in person. the standoff is over, and i hope she understands how i felt, and how i feel. as far as i could tell we left as friends, even though my intention was to go and drop her out of my life, but after seeing her again, i couldn't rightfully do that. i even said it to her 'i don't know if i want to be friends anymore' it hurt. it really did, but feelings hurt sometimes, i know this QUITE well. it was depressing having to lay out the timeframe of how everthing went down, i figured the few times we did talk in the last month or so would have ment somthing, but she could see where i was coming from. all in all i got to meet her co-pilot and listen to some good music while looking over what had stressed her out for weeks.

I got what i wanted.

Closure,
a friend,
...and a Hug.

Family: mom did my laundry again, i have to get he somthing now... but what?
Fraternity: done for the semester, but theres no rest for the weary, thinking about next semester already
Social: need more boobies... that is all...
Money: sooo poor.... i owe bill 10$ or i was gonna be stuck in Milwaukee
Work: i'm gonna hate this next week, 11-7 all week, but i get a good holiday scedual
Females: UNATAINABLE, thats right.... i said it
Drama: mostly Fraternal, but like this post says, closure is a grand thing
School: Killed the PR exam, now i'm in for a weekend of studying
Friends: i have to get away from the brothers every once and a while, i love'm but i need a life
Health: Done with being sick, its all mental
Song: got the diddy bops stuck in my head
Last Laugh: a question on my PR final

johnny quest thinks i'm pretty cool actually...

2005-12-16T07:55:00.000-06:00

"A call at 3am like nothing happend, like it hasn't been a two week stand-off. All the feelings she could upend, trying not to be pissed off."

i wrote that sorry, sad peice of what i think is poetry... yea, i'm un-published.

i just wanted to save it somwhere, cause it pretty much exzemplifies the way i feel right now, allot is kind of in the balance, school, work, social life. the onlythings i have to rely on are my freinds, family and my own feelings.

I have to do this today, i just do. more people than most are telling me not to, but for my own sake, i have to go.

man this is going to be a looong week...

2005-12-14T20:24:00.000-06:00

well, its exam time, wich means i need to find more things to do that'll waste my time. so here goes, my itinerary for the next ....let say week...

Wednesday night: retreat with the boys, yea some are sick, but you should still come. bonfire and bro's gotta love it

Thursday: call UWW's risk manager so we can have the snowball fight, work 12-7 drive back and start preparing for said snowball fight.

Friday: 745 exam in speech, should be cake. 9-2 SNOWBALL FIGHT! if i have the ok or not, so sue me for having fun, 3 exam in PR, then off to paint and help some bro's move.

Saturday: 8-5 work, then freezing my ass off in front of best buy waiting for new x-box 360's

Sunday: still freezing my ass off, but having fun doing it.

Monday: ass load of exams from 10 - 3 then work. then off to madison to see Dennis and Erin

Tuesday: still in madison, probably calling people to hang out with because i never get to go out there.

Wednesday: ..... what am i doing wednesday? i think all i have is one exam at 10 am (raquetball....ooooohhhhhhh.....) then work...

Thusday: all i think i have is work... so that means drinking wednesday night!

well, for all you care, thats what i'll be doing.

thanks to L.Eckert for all the improvements on the site. i'll put a post up about how much i love what youve done with the place later.

Family: great, i love those guys
Fraternity: lots of stuff hapening, and with time over break i can get some things taken care of
Social: wow... i really don't have one. but COD will begin again.
Money: POOR, but i charged bev for her paint job, so a $141 check coming soon
Work: so much time on my hands now, all i do is talk on the phone.
Females: ...
Drama: i need to take care of some things, but yea,... i need time off
School: wow, exams, and allot of it depends on how well i do this week
Friends: still missing all my groups of friends
Health: kinda sick, but its a mental thing.
Song: dane cook, he's a funny bitch
Last Laugh: the idea of the snowball fight actually being sanctioned

ANDREW ULATOWSKI, CLEAN MY RUG !

2005-12-13T00:54:00.000-06:00

... that being said, i have an anouncement.

LIFE IS GOOD!

it took me a while, but i'm listening to christmas music and getting in the christmas mood, i don't know how long it'll last... probably till i hear another horrible cover by a no talent hack pop star of we three kings. we all know what the best and truest versions of any of our favorite christmas songs are, and i have re-kindled my love for, and found on limewire the versions that are BAR NONE the best christmas songs ever!!!

if you were born before 1987 (...well, lets say 1984, give you some time) you will remember the three TRUE conveyers of th4e christmas song... they are as follows...

Alvin and the Chipmunks
John Denver featuring The Muppets

... and last but not least

CLAYMATION CHRISTMAS featuring 'THE CALIFORNIA RASINS'!!!!

Now, in reverse order of my respect i pay homage to the chipmunks.

Their spunk and weird voices wich everyone can sing allong to (not unlike Biz Marke.....YOUUUUUU ...GOT WAHT I NEEEEEEDDD.......yeah, that guy), but can also bring a smile to your face whenever alvin gets yelled at. it brings out the joy of the 'good ol' days' when cartoons were simple and mind numbing becausethey were pointless fun entertainment, not brainwashing people into buying shit.

John Denver featuring The Muppets

i respect this album because this was one of the first CD's that my family owned. therefore we listened to these versions of christmas carols almpost exclusivly for years. these versions of any song can bring a tear to your eye (especially 'the christmas wish'... man, it gets me every time), and a laugh when you do the "bah-dum-bum-bum" after 5 golden rings, even if no one is singing that version. i know i did it in church, and i wasn't the only one.

My beloved Clamation Christmas

i can't tell you in any words, or in any action how happy it's going to make me when i see this again. theres no way to recreate a childhood, but one thing i have yearned for almost every year at this time, is to be taken back to the late 80's. When we didn't have to worry where the rent was coming from, or how to get a passing grade in statistics, or who's fucking who. you could just sit arround with your family, without your cell phone, without the worry of anything but when bedtime was...wait.... it was christmas break! you didn't have a bed time! these werethe times i would play with the dog all day, i would build cushin forts and wrastle with my brother. when you would shake your present and not worry if you broke it or not. when you went to church just so you could pick a carol to sing.

when life was simple. when we cared for eachother.

I know its the 13th, but merry christmas everyone.

I'm having a Shitty day...

2005-12-09T20:54:00.000-06:00

... tell me a joke

so, went to classes, all of them. yea, that sucked.

speech: did a counterpoint and just rambled and had everyone laughing at me because i couldn't form a coherant sentance... fucking speeches

Saftey: went narcoleptic in class, i dont know why i can stay awake durring a video, but yet i pass out durring lectures...

break: shower and taco bell.... therfore my asshole has been being punished all day

PR: BOARING, plus no extra credit

Stats: our teacher was going so FUCKING fast that i had no idea what was going on! at least i was with the whole class on that one, none of us knew what was happening... so i slept

Work....wait... way too work: FLAT FUCKING TIRE on the interstate, in all my shitty McShitterson of a time i had with the truck having bald as hell tires, i figured this car with decent treads still wouldn't have to be a problem for quite some time, i guess i was wrong.

Work: did a grand in buisness, made a bunch of people happy, got my donut put on, toiled for 'the man'

After work to now: Ed paid for my new tires, so that was good at least, too bad thats my christmas present, ah well, i'm probably spending my christmas getting drunk and painting with a jew (i love you bill).

so this means i'm home, new tires, kinda pissed, everything really hasn't been going my way today. I should be out with kristina at Hernandez (Mexican resturaunt for you non-Phi Mu's) and evans and emily, but no, i'm just sitting here waiting for them to get back...

i need a beer

or 80

Drunk Blog

2005-12-08T01:43:00.000-06:00

yes, the return of the drunken blog entry.

its been tooo long...

we had a social with Alpha Sigma tongiht, and those girls can party, it was a slow start but it was FUN!

guess what happpened to me toady.

no seriously...

guess...

hehe.... 5 guesses and i'll tell you

Zodiac Stuff

2005-12-06T22:11:00.000-06:00

so yea, i know its all hooey, but it kinda makes sence reading some of this stuff...

In the Chinese Zodiac, i'm The Boar;

Boars are self-reliant, very sociable, dependable,and extremely determined. Boars are peace lovers and don't hold grudges. They hate arguments, tense situations, and try to bring both sides together. In life they make deep and long-lasting friendships. Boars enjoy social gatherings of all kinds, and look for parties to attend. In fact, Boars must watch themselves so that their incessant pursuit of pleasure doesn't interfere with other aspects of their lives. Boars belong to clubs and they make terrific fund raisers. They have a real knack for charity and social work. Boars always listen to problems. They won't mind getting involved and try to help. Boars have big hearts. A problem that Boars have is that they are too innocent and naive. Being honest and trustworthy themselves, they have a hard time understanding the motives of those with less scruples.

Boars do not dazzle or shimmer. They possess the old-fashioned chivalry that grows on you until you totally depend on it. It is so easy to trust Boars. They have a calm expression and a sincere manner. They are blessed with endurance and work steadily at tasks with great patience until completion.

Once Boars arrive at a decision nothing stops them. Of course, before they reach that decision they weigh all the pros and cons. They definitely want to avoid complications. Sometimes they ponder so long they miss the opportunity altogether. But never mind, Boars always believe in miracles, and miracles always happen to them. Fortune favors Boars. They always find someone to help them without having to beg.

In romance, if not careful, Boars may be taken advantage of. Boars trust everyone and believe everything they hear. They are unselfish and enjoy helping their friends. Although they are gullible, they are actually quite intelligent and know how to take care of their own. If you hurt their feelings, Boars often carry the pain for years. They have a hard time saying no to those of concern. Often they wish they had said no.

Boars will always be looking for ways to work off all their extra energy. They work and play hard. Even if they lose everything, Boars manage to bounce back. Their life path supply them with all they need. The Chinese believe Boars own the Horn of Plenty.

And in Traditional Zodiac I'm an Aries;

Element: Fire-You see the world through intuition.

Stone: Diamond, Ruby, Emerald, Amethyst

Colors: All shades of red

Attractions: Gemini, Leo, Libra, Scorpio

Motto: I am

Notable people born under the sign of Aries: Leonardo da Vinci, St. Theresa de Avila, Raphael, Jane Goodall, Marlon Brando, Charlie Chaplin, Vincent Van Gogh, J.S Bach, Bette Davis, Hans Christian Anderson.

Personality:

The sign of Aries represents the beginning of all things.

People born under this sign do not take kindly to being misunderstood or mistaken for something they are not.

They are spontaneous, frank and open--but can be self- centered and willful.

They view the world with awe and wonder.

They posses the impulses to explore and to be a star and shine.

They demand attention. They have a strong desire to lead.

They are original and idealistic pioneers.

They must beware of self-doubt--it is like poison to them.

i swear, those were copied and pasted (and bolded stuff that i know is ME) , i think they work. what about you folks?

What i want to happen

2005-12-05T23:59:00.000-06:00

I was listening to Tenacious D right now, and some of his lyrics, crude though they may be, kinda got to me...

and not the way most songs have been lately... in a good way...

If I was just gonna say one thing to y'all tonight...
I'd say, set the artist free.
I'm talking about this artist in here, set it free.
I'm saying, quit your day job.
Now, I know a lot of you people here, you're saying,
"I can't quit my day job. I've got kids to feed, Jack."
Quit your day job.

Focus on your craft, one time, before it's all over,
you've died, you've squandered it.
You fuckin' robots!

...

Sometimes you follow your heart,
sometimes your heart cuts a fart.
That's the cosmic shame.

That's the cosmic shame.

And I know what you are saying now,
what makes you guys so fucking good?

I don't fuckin' know,
and I don't like it!

I stay up going FUCK!
Why can't everybody fuckin' have it?

so i don't know why, but i have this intense and insane urge to think i'm different, not above things, but that i have somthing to do with my life. that i have these treamors for a reason, that i have this ability to make things, most things, right with everyone. the fact that i can get away with almost anything and that i can get out of any situation.

What am i destined for? why am i here? this is a question everyone asks themselves at least a million times in there lives.

my mom asked me if i was going to be ok, i said 'yes, why?'. she responded in the most unlikely way, she asked if i was suicidal.

that floored me, i must be putting out a vibe that i don't want to.

by the way, i'm not. Don't worry. I'm far from it.

That would be giving in, a decision that i do not easily come to. like i said, i always find a way out, a loophole, an escape hatch. right now, i'm searching for one and not having much luck, but i'm not giving up.

Peanuts will survive, because he has to. because, what would life be like without me? no! don't even think about it, it's too schocking... think of

of.....

kittens

Dear Anonymous,

2005-12-04T17:01:00.000-06:00

[to be read in a solom tone]

Thank you for telling me this. I did fall to hard. and that's my own fault. I hope that my actions wernt too overzealous and the plain fact is that i overreacted these last few weeks. I put my priorities and feelings above hers. For this i apologize. I was also going through a stressfull time and having that closure would have helped me, but would have caused her much more stress. my selfishness was blinding to that.

I hope that we all can move on for this 3 month escapade. I feel i have lost a brother, a good friend, and part of myself to all of this. One day, i hope that me and Al can be civil, maybe get one last hug from Kari, and I will be able to open up to another as i did.

I dont wish to blame anyone for anything i've done and i didn't realize that i was the bringer of unwarented stress. I wish her well in completing her project, and her realationship. I wish Al well in going back to school, his band, and his relationship.

I must move on, and if i have lost friendships allong the way, i hope that one day i can return and rekindle them, but as for now, we all go our seperate ways.

*sigh* i just wish i could somehow fix this, but sometimes, it just makes things worse and hurt more. Now, its just best to walk away.

Good night, God Bless

Andrew Preston Hale

Not exactly a post about past relationships..but close

2005-12-04T01:17:00.000-06:00

I would have LOVED to bed Dawn Rochelle tonight...but i couldn't.

one - she was drunk.
two - she is a theatre girl, wich means they have all tease and no follow through.
three - i'm dating Kristina.

for some reason i have this overwelming urge to just FUCK, but i can't just do that until i have a decent conection with that person. yea, i'm a being of sexuality, but i do have morals.

i hate that sometimes.

Its not that i want to be unfaithfull, i do really like Kris, but the last time i thought i had a 'connection' with someone i got hurt pretty bad. not initaly, because i fell so hard for her, but by the fact that because we were just friends, my feelings spilled out on paper werent important to read and "would cause stress"...thanks for shutting me off to others.

i hate being a dick about it, and the last time we talked it wasn't the best ending for a friendship, but it did give me some closure.

so she didn't read the email that was how i felt about everything. everyone loves getting letters in the mail right? maybe that'll get a responce on how much i've changed.

for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

i loved so hard that now its hard for me to love again.

Family: Got the 'you shouldn't speed' lecture for the millionth time, so what if i went in the ditch
Fraternity: Congrats Gamma Nu! now i become a historian...
Social: i saw the taco night gang and the theatre gang at the brass rail.. i miss them all
Money: delaying paying the water bill, yet again, so i can actually eat
Work: 2 days off.....BLISS
Females: missing having a conection, but reluctant to get one because they can cause damage
Drama: meh... not enough to write down
School: ...i am not doing so hot...
Friends: i miss them all! but i can hang out more i swear!
Health: decent, now that i have money for food, i bought poptarts
Song: the soothing sounds of explosions of vice city
Last Laugh: Dawn rochelle Tucker, drunk at the bars

An erie calm...

2005-11-29T03:04:00.000-06:00

i was the most angry without a vent that i have ever been today. and in the course of 12 hours its gone. i hope i didn't offend or over react to anyone that did not deserve that reaction.

the sad part is, the person that pissed me off the most is the person that i thought i was the closest to. you know, it would instantly agrivate anyone, i belive, when you pour your heart out to someone and they dont give you the decency to read what you had to write... yes thats right, its been sience November 11th. nothing. all i have to say is wow, i really must be blind.

sorry, it had to be said.

but i'm better now, no worries, i just have to keep walking, some day i'll reach that oasis in the desert of life.

i love and i hate RENT for what it makes me feel...

november 27th, 1am, central standard time...

2005-11-27T00:39:00.000-06:00

Just went to see rent a second time with Kristina. saw rent for the second time, first time with Kristina. I love how music can make you feel emotions even though you dont nececarily have any action behind them besides the music.

I'm listening to the soundtrack to see what i missed in the countless times of listening to the same songs. I dont know if its the timing or what but man, these things are getting to me, because of music. showing me emotions that have opened up and the start of new things.

I'm going to start my second blog on Christmas, as a birthday present to this blog. a kind of reprive from the daily grind that useuall happens on here. because i seem to be the only one who keeps their blog updated. i dont know about you, but i keep all my friends blogs in my favorites folder.

So this one will revert back to its bitching / mass information page. The new one would be a daily rambling on what i think about on a ... well... daily basis. or as close as i can to be daily. i have allot of shit to say and i think of allot of random things on a daily basis, so i don't think thats going to be a problem, i might not just let everyone read it though, just my friends. i.e. people who i let read it.

not that i need to be secritive about my thoughts, i'll keep the same rules, its just that not eveyone needs to know what i'm doing all the time. and i might not ... i don't know, its just an idea, i have time.

should i get Kristina a christmas present?

should i get kari a christmas present?

should i get anyone a christmas present?

i never give out christmas presents, this year because i'm poor.

but i'll start a list of what i would have gotten you if i had money. haha! what a great idea! they say its the thought that counts!

Family: Wanting to know what to give me for christmas, not that i know what i want...
Fraternity: BROTHERS ONLY THIS WEEKEND
Social: trying to think of ideas for good ferris parties...
Money: getting better, paying the water bill, eventually...
Work: slept for an hour and a half on 'black friday'... what a job...
Females: second date...well... offical date
Drama: its not drama if the person doesn't aknowlage you, but then why would they...
School: exam monday, and i need to memorize my lines...
Friends: went to Iowa, good times. Tequila makes people stupid....er.
Health: thinking about buying food with this paycheck....maybe...
Song: Listening to RENT, again... but this new song by James Blunt -- Goodbye my lover... its deep... i like it
Last Laugh: Mark dancing in slow motion durring 'La vi bohem'

I don't know what I did last summer

2005-11-24T20:10:00.000-06:00

So Kivi asked me the rules on how to play the Whitewater version of 'CIRCLE OF DEATH' because when rules are writen down, there easier to abide by and harder to modify. So i spent some time (after i went arround and rubbed my testlicles on allot of things arround ferris, that'll teach the guys to leave for a few days and leave their doors unlocked.. hehe...) putting the rules together for our version of COD.

I figured it would only be right to post them here, seing as they atributed to some of the best times this summer.

CIRCLE OF DEATH
UWW rules

Start with a large empty cup in the center and a single deck of cards.

Shuffle the deck of cards and spread them around the cup face down.

Starting with whomever you choose, the first person draws a single card and abides by the rule of the card, be it written here or given out by a rule-altering card. Said persons turn is ended when they have followed the card's rule and the next person draws their card.

Drinks are defined as a mouth full of your drink. The alcohol content is not factored in, if your drinking beer or pure vodka, its your fault. Shut up and drink.

The rules of the cards are as such:

2 - Drink 2
3 - Drink 3
4 - Give out 4 Drinks
5 - Give out 5 Drinks
6 - This is either a safe card or a waterfall*
7 - The person who's turn would be next Drinks 1
8 - Rule.**
9 - Gesture. ***
10 - Social. Everyone Drinks 1
J - The person who just took a turn Drinks 1.
Q - Question. ****
K - Category. *****

First 3 Aces drawn - Pour as much, or as little of your drink as you want into the center cup.

Last Ace drawn - The person drawing the last Ace drinks whatever is in the center cup and the next game cannot start until this is finished by the 'loser'

* Waterfall - The player receiving this card cheers and everyone playing starts drinking at the same time. After the person that initiated the waterfall stops then the next person in the order the cards are being drawn in can choose to stop. This inevitably gets the person that went just before the person who drew the card extremely intoxicated , if the others in the group can hold out.

** Rule - This rule is instated until the next 8 is drawn. The rule can consist of nearly anything including revising, but not abolishing, any of the specific rules attributed to the specific cards. This rule can also be tied to actions outside of the game (i.e. whenever someone outside the game talks, flip them off. or if someone talks, a specific person drinks), but should not overlap the gesture rule.

*** Gesture - This is an action, minute or large that when preformed by the person that drew the card everyone playing the game should copy said action. The last person doing this action will have to drink 1.

**** Question - When drawn, this card does not have to be displayed.The person drawing this card asks a question while making specific eye contact with another person playing the game, that person asks aquestion, relevant or not, to another person in the game. You do not have to go in any specific order. You can reply to the person asking you a question with a question. When a person repeats a question or cannot respond in a question they drink 1.

***** Category - The person drawing the King will start the round by naming a subject with more than one answer (i.e. car models, states, colors, items of clothing, brand names). You continue on naming answers in order until a person cannot name anything, or you run out of answers. The person that concludes the naming drinks 1.

Good luck. Get Drunk. Throw bottles in the street. Pass out on power boxes. Sleep with someone you normally wouldn't. Blame it on the game.

good times, goooood times....

feel free to coment on any modifications.

Family: thanksgiving, beat up on my bro, he flipped. good times....
Fraternity: a few days of solice, but the last week is upon us.
Social: HA, me? socail life? riiiight.
Money: poor, owe everyone, but pay day is in a couple hours
Work: i hope i locked the front doors....
Females: me and Kristina. lets see if this goes well.
Drama: ...i wear my heart on my sleeve, and it stains too many of my shirts
School: you really should spell check a power point presentation... fuck me...
Friends: catching up with weber and grant was fun, but were gonna have even more fun at eddys wedding
Health: tired alot, i think its cause i dont eat. i swear, i'm gonna start doing sittups.
Song: watching Grease, but RENT is running through my head.

i'm going to be late to work because i'm blogging

2005-11-17T11:07:00.000-06:00

Class was canceled for me today, wich means i got to sleep in till 10:30ish. after taking advantage of the morning wood, and talking to Dennis, i went to shower. A good long one where i decided to post about 2 things.

What should i do with my hair?
Why am i already hearing Christmas music!?!?

1) i'm thinkin about cutting it shorter, but a part of me thinks to let it go, i got no one to impress, why not? i kinda liked the buzz cut, it was easy and whatnot, but i'm so wishywashy its sick.

2) ITS NOVEMBER 17TH!!!!! wh did i hear 2 chrismas songs in a row! at least the oldies stations warn you when there going to start. literally, they had an add on 9.49 that there going to start the day after thanksgiving...

SANTA IS ALREADY AT THE MALL!!! fuck this man, i'm not a big fan of the holidays, i tend to get depressed and lonely. i think theres a word for it, but i think this year is gonna be different, my family is actually doing somthing for thanksgiving, but christmas is still up in the air. I haven't had a good christmas sence i was in Iowa... 3, maybe 4 years now...

so yea, i hate the happyness of the holidays and my hair.

not myself, but as close as I can be..

2005-11-14T03:22:00.000-06:00

Ok, I know I was going to reformat how and when I post, but I need to get this out on a media of some kind. Sence this is my solice, my canvas to express what I'm doing and how I feel this is where I'm going to get out what i'm feeling.

The past two days i've felt more like myself than I have sence the breakup, wich I was extreemly happy about. I was back to being me again. I'm not going to lie, I had a female freind sleep over last night, nothing bad happened that hadn't happend between us before, but it was still a good time and it got my mind off of everything. Tonight it was sharring my space with another friend, pretty much compleetly plutonic - just cause i'm a cuddler - and things changed.

Its now 2:30 in the fucking morning and all I can think about is all the good times me and kari had and why they went wrong. I guess I'm being like this because I can't figure it all out, I know she gave me an explanation and maybe I took it to easy, I should have delved deeper into why she just found out she didn't love me.

Fucking Ben Folds. I have the playlist of Ben Folds, Jack Johnson and a few other artists going when I sleep useually, and tonight, I had to get up and change the song. It was almost over - on the last verse - and I was almost asleap, but I had to stop it. Music has that effect on a person. I was in a great mood, had a relaxing day, no drama in my life, cuddling with a good friend. Things were going grand then I get blindsided. My brain just decided to think about uresolved issues that can't be resolved until I see her again, until I see how she reacts infront of the person she made so happy then yanked it away. I need to know that shes effected too. Not in a malicious way, I dont wish any bad tidings upon her, but I need to know 'us' ending had some effect on her aswell. I wont know that until I look in her eyes.

The phone calls have ended, its like we have no need to talk anymore. I had to make an effort not to talk to her for 3 days while I wrote out what I felt. I had to write it out because if I got off topic I wouldn't feel closure. Those three days all I did was think about her and what happened and how I felt. After I sent it out, and still havent talked to her, I was glad to get it off my chest.

Now its back. I'll never get rid of this feeling until I see it in her.

Yeah, i'm back to as close to normal as I can be. But i'll never be that person that fell in love so hard and so deeply with her. I'll love again, its a natural emotion, but some things can't be changed back after there initally changed.

This should be the last post about kari, or Al, or 'the situation' for a long time, its getting to the point where it even bores me, but at ... 3am now ... I feel better knowing its out there and thats whats going on with me.

... worst part is I know she reads this.

what do you want to hear about next?

what i want in every aspect in life
a sexually charged post
explaining the 'unatainable' or 'fishing'
my thoughts on touch being esential
my plans in life
things i'd like to do before i'm 30
date ideas
ways to suprize your loved one
stupid quirky things girls love but guys never do
why more people than dennis, denise, kivi, and lindsay (and guest apearance by kris once and a while) should coment on my blog.

Family: we got a new puppy, 'Mikey' (like the mouse) Mik for short. i do laundry and hang out for a bit when i'm home, but i always have somthing that takes me away from them... over turkey day it'll be good to spend time with them.

Fraternity:going allong fine, the stress is evening out, but theres still allot of work to be done...miles and miles before i sleep...

Social: i'm finding that my social life is fraternity life, the parties and the good times with my brothers. i have found that being in this directing scene is a nice change of pace.

Money: sold Tiki, i know i hated doing it, but it was 150$ profit... wich i bet i should have saved, but squandered... and i still dont have food...

Work: boss is leaving in a few weeks, we dont know who's going to replace him, we hope he fires the old guy, so it'll be me, the stoner/drunk assistant manager, and the new guy for a boss... i'll oficially be the backbone for a few months...

Females: decent luck lately. its good to be me... and aperintly its a prett well known fact i'm a good kisser... can't go wrong with that.

Drama: yellow alert

School: i should concintrate on school more, it should be paid for soon, thats what i get for not doing a fafsa until like a month ago

Friends: i've lost touch with so many people, it saddens me. i talked to Breann School the other day, its good to know she's alive

Health: decent, need to do more sit ups, but i'm losing weight... i do have this 'harder' section of my gut i want to get checked out...

Song: Gorillaz - DARE - just a great beat

Last Laugh: Phil's brain exploding thursday night

Ideas

2005-11-05T18:53:00.000-06:00

so i was thinking about some changes here...

posts upon request - 5 people(denise doesn't count) post to me or im me to make a new post and i'll put one up.

Personal Posts - these could get messy, but if someone wants to know what i think about a person or happening, i'll post it if i have a good reason to.

New format - i'll have to talk to the esteemed Madame Eckert to see what i can do on this front.

New blog - starting a second blog thats more like a daily diary. no comments on it though, just to look at if you want. this blog is getting a little too public. and thats my fault hehe

so what do you think? my public...all 6 of you... speak up, tell me what you think.

by the way, its almost been a year of this glorious page of fredom. we should have a birthday party.

Amendment to last Blog entry

2005-11-04T00:42:00.000-06:00

Black Eyed Peas - My Humps

even though i agree, the song sucks, but it makes me laugh every time, cause for someone with

....nevermind.....

hehehe...

i love that i can honestly joke like this again.

i'm ok. ya'll can stop babying me.

hi denise. hehehe...

Songs that will never be the same

2005-11-03T00:53:00.000-06:00

Music is a very important part of my life. Being in Phi Mu Alpha, albeit for a short time, has made me realize this. Music has a hold on you to make you remember things and places that no other act can. For this reason, these songs shall never be the same

Jack Johnson - Better together
Ben Folds - You to thank
Wicked - Thank Goodness
Incubus - Miss you
Nickel Creek
Mandy Moore - Only Hope
Gorillaz - Feel good inc.
Once On This Island - One Small Girl
Damien Rice - The Blowers Daughter
Daft Punk - Technologic
Pat McCurdy - Knock things Over
Ben Folds - The Luckiest
Jack Johnson - Banana Pancakes
Johnny Cash - Hurt
The Pussycat Dolls - Don't cha
Beck - Girl
Ghetto Boyz - Damn it Feels good to be a Gangster

they all have their reasons for being changed. its not a bad thing, some for the better, some are just going to make me go blank for a bit. but they are definatly changed.

lyrics i never wanted to sing, that are now relivant

2005-10-30T18:50:00.000-06:00

so that faithfull monday when me and kari went to the beach,
i sang this song to her, because 98% of the lyrics were true.

its a song by Damien Rice, called the Blowers Daughter.
My friend Dawn Rochelle Tucker introduced me to it
and its a beautiful song.

i finally realised the 2% of the lyrics that i nver
sang are there for a reason. right at the end of the song,
in very quiet, almost wispered talk, these lyrics are sung:

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

now, i'm not bitter or anything, i'm not really going
out of my way to move on, but i cannot just sit and wait
for this emotion to come to me again. i need to move on
and not be leveled.

so there it is, i think i'm ok. if things work out in the
future for us, i would love it, but as for now i need to
rebuild and think about moving on.

like i said, you know where i'm at, but i'll never
be the same.

*sigh*... i'm not burning a bridge, just moving
further inland.

blog in under 20 minutes...

2005-10-27T21:52:00.000-05:00

so i sit here, durring the busiest time in my life so far, blogging, yes blogging. why? because i think that i said it to begin with... i put stuff on here so that i don't have to talk about it to everyone. So here goes.

Me and Kari are over. I really didn't see it coming until i spent 2 horrible days without any contact form her not knowing what to think. our conversation on monday led me to belive that she was just wanting a break, but after the 2 days she called it off.

i dont want to make it seem like i had no part in this, it was my fault for going to fast, for falling to hard. but it was ultimatly her decission. so we finaly talked about it and somehow ended laughing and joking at the end ov our breakup conversation.

I hate the fact that its over, but somehow i'm ok with it. i don't know if i'm in denial or its that i have a million and a half other things taht are keeping my mind from dwelling on the pain. its probably both. i thought i had somthing that would last for years, but 2 1/2 months later i get leveled, then 3-5 hours after, i somehow am back to doing what needs to get done. i dont know if i'm 'over' what happened or not, but i hope its not going to creep up on me and hit me later.

i know it won't, i'm laid back like that. shit happens, and it happens for a reason.

And if its ment to be theres the old quote that every person going through a breakup HATES to hear, "if you love somthing, let it go. if it returns, then you know it's right"

so there, a blog post iun under 20 minutes with 3 phone call inturuptions!

guh, NO REST FOR THE WICKED!!!

p.s. i got a part in a directing one scene, it should be FUCKING hilarious! more to come later.

2005-10-26T11:34:00.000-05:00

JACK JOHNSON LYRICS

"Wasting Time"

Yea
And I'm just a waste of her energy
And she's just wasting my time
Mmhmmm
So why don't we get together
And we could waste everything tonight
And we could waste and we could waste it all tonight
Yea
And we could waste and we could waste it all tonight

And I don't pretend to know what you know
No no
Now please don't pretend to know what's on my mind
If we already knew everything that everybody knows
We would have nothing to learn tonight
And we would have nothing to show tonight
Oh but everybody thinks
That everybody knows
About everybody else
Nobody knows
Anything about themselves
Cause their all worried about everybody else
Yea
Oh

Loves just a waste of our energy yea
And this life's just a waste of our time
So why don't we get together
We could waste everything tonight
And we could waste and we could waste it all yea
But everybody thinks
That everybody knows
About everybody else
Now now now nobody knows
Anything about themselves
Cause their all worried about everybody else yea
Oh
And we could waste

I don't want to write about whats going on in my life, so i take surveys...

2005-10-26T00:25:00.000-05:00

10 Years Ago I was:...
12
masturbating (i did it a hell of a lot, i tell you what...)
going to school in a new school
bitching because we worked all year on a statue and then moved schools so the underclassmen could play but we couldn't

5 Years Ago I was:...
taking my first year of college
on the Lacrosse team
un-popular
getting my nickname "Peanuts"

1 Year Ago I was:...
Just getting back in school
living with Dennis and Tommy
Pledging a fine, FINE Fraternity
getting a 2 dollar raise
playing alot of videogames

Yesterday I:...
woke up on time
Cleaned the Fraternity house
got my heart stopped
felt the worst i've ever emotionaly felt
worked

5 Snacks I Enjoy:
'take 5'
choccolate covered pretzels
pastereys
kit-kats
skittles

Songs I Know All The Words To:...
Sugar, we're going down swingin
Confrontation from jekyll and hyde
better together
bananna pankakes
flake

5 Things I Would Do With 100 Million Dollars:...
pay off all my & my friends bills
buy ferris and 404 North
pay off all of our dues for my tenure
level ferris and make it a BITCHEN party house owned by us
pay off everyone in whitewaters rent for a year

5 Places I Would Run Away To:...
Home
my spot in Lima Marsh
Blackhawk campgrounds
Dennis' place
my room

5 Things I would Never Wear:...
preppy 'abercrombe' clothes
anything that cost over 30$
a large mettal statue
ass-less chaps....wait, strike that
red tissue paper in the rain

5 Favorite Movies:...
Boondock Saints
Van Wilder
anything with either Alien or Preditor
dirty dancing...yeah, i said it
snatch/lock stock

5 Bad Habits:...
procrastinating
no followthrough
too dedicated to work
farting
cracking my nuckles

5 Biggest Joys:...
Making someone else happy
knowing i'm in love
knowing i have friends that care
being here for everyone
just being me

5 People I tag to do this:
dennis
darnarse
...who ever hasn't
you
and you too...

wow that was kinda lame. I'm in a shitty mood, tell me a joke.

no seriously, i'm in a shitty mood

because i could potentialy be destroyed, or uplifted with one conversation.

worst part is, i haven't had that conversation yet, so i don't know what to think. how can you know what to think when in a situation like this.

Its worth it. because i know it is. because i feel it is. because i can't imagine it not being anything but better.

i've said too much, you need to make the decicision. you know where i'm at, you could either sight me in and shoot me down, or join me on cloud nine.

I don't feel healthy, like mcguire just hit me in the chest with a baseball bat.

...couldn't be happier?

oh what a night...

2005-10-23T02:24:00.000-05:00

mid october 2005...

a party that shouldn't have happened. anything that can cause division between brothers is not healthy. all respective parties have a right to be angry, but we have to realize things change without us being able to control them. i hope we can all learn from this and life on in a stronger bond.

its 2:26AM, i am so stressed, flustrated, tense, agrivated, lonely, hungry, and just down-right glad that HOMECOMING IS FUCKING OVER!!!

GRRR...

2005-10-18T23:20:00.000-05:00

Sometimes i wish i could just walk away from everything

not everything...

Well I'm gonna to go then. And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything except this. [picks up an ashtray] And that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need...

quote from jerk... it makes me realize that i don't want to leave it all behind, i just wish i could balance a little better. I took a few days off for myself, and i feel horible about it. yea, i needed it, but i could have been doing so much more with my time.

sometimes i feel like i'm running in thigh high water, still getting to where i need to be, but so much slower than i want to.

I can't wait untill i have free time, to spend with Kari, and to not worry about anything, not to have people depending on me so much.

sometimes i feel like there is so much going on and i'm letting so many people down i'm just overwhelmed.

i want to go on vacation, to that island with white sand and the weathertorn hammock without a care in the world, but who would wory then?

i dont want to sound cocky, but a good amout of people come to me for guidance and i tend to form a strong fallowing. i wish i didn't have charisma or leadership skills sometimes. i wish i could be in the background, not having a strong opinion and just going with the flow like some of my friends do. but right now, there is so much chaos going on that if someone doesn't step up and take charge, nothing will get done.

but i take too much on, i think i can handle it all then i miss a date or a fuddle somthing up, forget to tell someone somthing important.

its times like these i wish i could just sit in a large leather recliner, smoke a cigar, and sip a glass of brandy

just to relax thats all i want, thats all i require, thats all i need in life right now, and because of all thats going on i cant even relax arround kari.

somthing needs to go right, somthing needs to happen that will tell me everythings ok, that i wont go insane, that this is all worth it.

the only thing i have right now that is going the way i want it to is my relationship, and thats perfect as far as i can see. sometimes I use my feelings twards kari to make everything ok. just imagining the perfect day we had on our first date, getting back to the twilight where all we could hear was the water and our breathing.

that was relaxation. this is not.

i feel that just my snorkel is above water and i'm treading water with one leg...

sorry folks, i'm not in the best of moods now. i wish i could revert to PEANUTS and tank a bottle of mad dog and go streaking. but i can't anymore........

I've grown up.

facebook & why I stayed up all night

2005-10-18T03:16:00.000-05:00

FACEBOOK

so yeah, its almost 4am and i'm not the least bit sleepy.

this sucks.

grrr....

i wish i had ambition to do anything else but update my blog and go on facebook..

by the way, the only reason i did is so Kari could link me...

and shes already warned me to cencor myself, so no pics of me in a thong

yet

hehehe...

well, i might be able to try and lay down... this sucks, i'm not even drunk.

4:28 am - still wired, i jerked it and i'm still not tired, i made a plasma apointment for as early as possible so i can get it done with, i might as well, then just nap later tomarow...i mean today... just an hour and 45 minutes till i leave, i can stay awake for that... i'm fucking wired for sound somehow... maybe chaneling sexual energy?... we may never know...

4:30 - I KNOW WHAT I"LL DO! i'll go for a run at like 515, yeah! for about a half hour, then take a nice long shower, maybe make some BREAH-FASSS.... yeah, thats the plan.

4:35 - a dam broke in massachusets, i wonder if the'll over react to it to make up for new orleans...

4:39 - oct 24-30 on AMC, all 39 hitchcock films... sounds like a plan

4:58 - aperintly everyone who watches tv at this time is realy realy impresionable. everyone wants to sell you somthing. (i'm kinda getting sleepy, but i'm gonna go run soon. so that'll wake me up)

5:13 - music on MTV!?!? must be just in the time that no respectfull teenager/twentysomthing would be up unless we were a corperate whore already, or just stupid like me....

5:22 - i can't find the original 'gold digger' that Ben's got as a ringer....fucking catchy tune..... damn him

5:28 - after reading online that its 44 degrees outside, i resolve to swich from ankle socks to my knee high thermal socks for running

5:36 - good quote from a lil' kim video... who would have thunk it

5:43 - i don't think i'm gonna go running.....wait, i can move my apointment to whenever.... its just free lunch that i'm scedualing arround...

5:48 - ok, i'm really going to go now...

5:55 - ok, so i haven't left yet, i had to get that quote from the lil' kim video and put it in my profile. but now i realize that MTV might be playing music video's, but they happen to be the same 4...LAME

6:30 - i forgot how good that feels... looks like i'll have to push back my plasma apointment

so now i go to the shower, thanks for making it through the night with me.

7:14 - nice long shower, decide to put off plasma till 845, gives me another hour to enjoy time to myself... i dont have enough of that. TALKED TO KIVI! the only sign of life at this ungodly hour...

7:16 - kivi went to shower (yea right, he doesn't shower... who's he trying to fool?) i'm alone again... do i dare wake anyone up in the house?

7:25 - kari calls me expecting to wake me up. I answer in one ring

7:45 - CHRIS and JAKE are up! time to fuck with them!

now people are up! so i go give plasma.... adn then free lunch... and then probably CRASH LIKE A MUTHAFUCKA

My worries as of late -

2005-10-16T16:06:00.000-05:00

i seem to never have time for anything, and when i try to make time for things i seem to never get them done. This simple fact means i have no time for myself, selfish be it may, i cant relax at all lately.

i'm trying really hard not to be a control freak but i can't help it, i want to help when somone is in need, but then it takes too long and i need to be doing somthing else.

i can't afford another mental breakdown. yea, the last one was just me going crazy, but the one that half my fraternity and Kari witnessed was pretty bad.

i'm feeling that calm wash over me, its like i can see it coming like a typhoon while i'm wading in the kiddy pool. its coming, and i could swim into it and face it all, or i could swimn to a different part of the pool and make things a little easier.

for now i just try and balance things out.

so if i'm a little edgy and off the wall lately, thats why.

I'm worried about my mental swimming conditions.

I will never grow old.

2005-10-14T21:35:00.000-05:00

so today i had two typical old people in my store. the old couple that the woman doesn't know shit, dresses like shes from florida, the dude is trying to fit into the tightest fucking shirt that they were throwing away at goodwill.

I don't know how they do it, but the smell like old. not 'they smell old'... they smell 'like old'

and their skin, man, talk about leather, i just wanted to touch it and shudder.

and the worst part is, they based their 'negotiaing' on the fact that they bought paint 30 years ago for 8 dollars a goallon and it alsted this long, so they should be able to get the same product for the same price...

do you go to the gas station and demand gas for 1.25, cause you bought it at that a while ago

the only thing i hate more than decrepit, sad, old people that cant seem to get it that time went on without them...

old people who are already dead. They aren't really, but they cant do a fuckingthing for themselves. "i need you to walk this 2 lb. bag to my car while i sit on the 7 cushins that let me se so i can drive slow and make people pissed off at the world." the ones who go in to my store 'for their friend who cant get out of bed' and then they sit there and breath heavy and smell funny for a few hours, so they can have me tote everything arround for them and refuse to do a god damn thing for themselves...

DIE ALREADY!

if i ever get like that, where i can not function in society i will gladly be put down and out of my misery.

you know what, if all your gonna do is bitch and moan about being old and everything that you can't do, THEN FUCKING DO SOMTHING ABOUT IT!!!

damn it, i hate old people... and when i read this after my hip gets replaced and i'll put a hit on myself so i know its coming, and i can play cat games with my killer, that i hired...

wow, that could be a great movie

whatever, adios folks

a theme i've noticed

2005-10-12T20:36:00.000-05:00

... no one has been updating there blogs/myspace...

i dont know how denneise is still sane...

it might be 'facebook' or it might just be that people are afraid.

afraid to speek out on there own sites.

kinda hurts me to think of it, free speech and all... but thats a bigger issue alltogether.

but as for me, yeah, i'll keep on truckin, its just that nothing much has been going on lately.

stress is getting up there, i keep telling people the aspects of my life right now are like marionettes, and i'm doing a good job at making them all dance and look realistic. but what scares me is i one goes crazy, or somthing happens beyond my control that makes me have to untangle one from another, then i neglect the others then it all goes to crap..

pray for my sanity

had a mini freak out last night, it was more fun, i didn't burrow myself into the sofa, but i was still having fun being weird.

school, how will i pay for school.... i have no clue, i still haven't completed my fafsa, and it looks like i'll have to get student loans from a bank or someplacce else... or heaven forbid, fill out some scholarships....*shudder*...

I'm trying out for celebration as a vocalist (cause i can't do anything else, besides cowbell....MORE COWBELL!!) so we'll see how that goes, man would it be awesome to preform with fish on stage....thats if it happens... knock on wood

work is decent i guess, my boss is going to a different store in 2 months so its gonna be interesting to say the least, look for me to work a whole hell of alot over winter break.

Kari, what can i say, shes the best. i couldn't imagine handling what i'm doing right now without her to be my rock. its a good thing to be withsomeone who doesn't even have to be in the room and just thinking of them makes you happy. i would wish my happyness on all of you (except that guy who still i.d.'s me at woodmans.... no happy for you)

that brings me to things with Al. i'm sorry everything went the way it did, and i think we can both move on and be civil, but we have to start by making peace. hopefully by homecoming we'll be on speeking terms.

the house; wow its a fucking mess... but thatsmy fault... hehehe... i havent taken the trash out in a while, so i should do that, but i'm blogging, so there.

oh yea, we might lose it...more to come on that as it develops

fraternity, going smooth, cause i was FREAKING OUT all summer long, i have a good amount of sailin, not exatly smooth sailin, but not as rough as some have it.

home, like family; i really dont know, i can only assume my mom is PISSED cause i'm still working on my fafsa, but she doesn't see all of my overdraft notices now, so shes got to yell at me for somthing. dad's doing fine, a little stressed but fine, adam.... he's just adam. i think he got his job back, cause you cant really fire someone with downs-syndrome for not learning the job quick enough... dumbasses...

jay is doing fine (my car, for you un-educated mo-fo's) shes been racking on the miles sence i got her, almost 10,000 in 2 months, but thats what happens when you have a 45 minute comute to work.

i miss thursday nights, the CIRCLE OF DEATH crew and game was just good and relaxing. i miss it.

i think i'm about done. oh yea, i'm poor.

Ways I can make money on the side: Plasma, Painting on the side, Selling my truck, Loans, Selling my posesions, getting a second job much closer...

Ways I'd like to make money on the side: Giggalo, Stealing, Contract killing etc. etc.

How many months sence making love: Just arround my 21st birthday... I turned 22 in april. You do the math...

How much I care that it'll be longer: None, cause even though it would be amazing, its not a nececity. i'm human, but i have self control.

Your moment of Zen:100th Strong-Bad Email???

*

2005-10-07T23:50:00.000-05:00

* -

so i find, while re-reading the last altered post...

re-doing it made it lose all of its value. i realy just wanted to say that i was pissed that i realised i was human and had faults.

Everything has its season
Everything has its time
Show me a reason and I'll soon show you a rhyme
Cats fit on the windowsill
Children fit in the snow
Why do I feel I don't fit in anywhere I go?

Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly
I've got to be where my spirit can run free
Got to find my corner of the sky

-- Pippin, Corner of the sky

i've found my corner...

her names Kari

Thank you Tommy Cerqua,

2005-10-07T03:45:00.000-05:00

so someone doesn't seem to be able to read... or at least comprehend. so for you all that have seen this post, i have only edited the font size and if i added anything it will be in red

I just got back from taking kari home. Its almost 4am. I had a wonderfull time with her and realised after I had let my hormones get the best of me...

We ended up taking a nap together, and when I woke up, I was sure I was still dreaming, because I had never felt that relaxed or at peace [...because i took a nap, and the fact that she was there, thats it...] . I was as happy as I could be. But then I realised I woke myself up, I broke the dream up.

For a split second I was disapointed things hadn't gone to the next level tonight, but then I remembered how I felt, just being in her arms, seing her smile at me when I pull up to mcdonalds, how her hugs can wash away my stress, how good i feel doing things for her...

I was mad at myself. disapointed that I would let my sex drive try and take over and potentialy ruin the best thing that has happened to me in years and years.

It was a moment of weakness that I had been setting myself up for all week (NOT MASTURBATING... i'm such a tool... ). Its not all about sex. Sex just messes things up. If I can be satisfied and the happiest I've been, just knowing shes out there thinking of me. Why do I need a physical act?

Damn these animal instincts.

I know no one cares to hear about this, but I thought I had somthing to say, so I wanted to say it... so there...

so i hope that clears up any confusion, i do NOT kiss and tell. and i will not censor myself on my own blog. so if someone is out to try and make my life dificult, go ahead, cause i know i'm doing fine and i would never do anything or say anything to mess up what i have.

goodnight.... again...

last night to be drunk for two months...

2005-10-02T02:19:00.000-05:00

so tonight was MASS DRUNKENESS!!! at least on my part, i bonded with the NU class, and i walked arround without pants for a good hour at least... and by the way, for you loyal readers, the girl in pink is 'NOT' Sarah, and the girl on my left (your right), is 'NOT' Liz as mentioned in the previous entry... Andrea is a new one added to the bed club, shes the one on the far right (yet again,your left)...

this is a good sign as to whats to come.

i love college...

drunkeness rules...

phil is DRUNK!!!!

GOODNIGHT@!!!

i am Sans Pants....

Only in college...

2005-09-25T23:34:00.000-05:00

so on thursday night...

SOBER

... i was lulled to sleep by my sweet, wich put me in a rather good mood and i was almost comatose. You know, the state when you can still physically react to your dreams. So i was slowly slipping into a great dream, when my doorknob was jostled.

now i useually sleep in boxers (and about 25% of the time i'm naked) and with the door half open, so i figured someone just bumped up agianst the door... thats fine, i'm still in the home stretch to dreamsville...

when it happens again...

in a fit of rage, i try and rool over to get my airsoft gun to fight off the oncoming hordes of jerks ruining my sleep...

but just as i rool over i see the door bust open and three ladies in trench coats come into my room.

yea, thats right, ... 3

so these girls (we'll call them Liz, Alison, and Sarah to protect their identites) proceed to drop the coats, exposing the matching black undergarments (all in boyshorts, head explosion number 7 i belive...) and vault themselves into bed with me. liz on the left, sarah on the right and alison straddling me.

my jaw drops. i cant form a decent sentance. my head exploded...many times.

so Alison and sarah start making out, and they make advances twards liz, cause she's "left out"... all while i'm in shock... someone mentions my girlfriend not being there and them being sad....

my head exploded again...

so they colected themselves and went on to flash others, in hindsight i saw emmit (i mean, Mr. morgans... to protect the inocent) filming the whole endevor.

i couldn't sleep for a good 45 min, my brain was mush. i tried watching tv but i would be on the pillow sarah was on, wich resembled kari's perfume in smell... so i couldnt sleep there, my head exploded for about the 50th time...

it was amazing...

i love being me

i love friends like that, and that stuff like that can happen with out it getting weird....

I LOVE COLLEGE!!!

I wanted to fit this all in an away message...

2005-09-20T00:14:00.000-05:00

... but you only get 1024 charicters per away message...

so i am slowly realizing that i am on a slightly destructive pattern, but i think i caught it in time to control it.

i am spreading myself so thin that i cant be of help to anyone...

in every aspect of my life i'm finding faults, but when i correct them, even to the slightest degree i find myself making another aspect a gaping expance...

I want soo much to be arround kari as much as possible, but that cost money that i dont have because i owe too many people to stay with my head above water.

i try and study but i have to be on top of things for the fraternity so i dont let anyone down...

I dont have enough money to eat, but if i buy food my payments to EVERONE go over and i get calls at 8am demanding money...

I need to win the lotery. I need a job closer to home. I need a sugar momma. I need a personal assistant. I need to be able to hold kari whenever i feel like this. I need to have my life smooth out a little, but i know that wont happen until the end of the semester.

all this stress ... my head explodes on a bi-hourly basis...

i need a vacation, but if i had one, all i would be thinking about is how i'm letting someone down

my work would be stressed out cause i wouldn't be there to close...
my fraternity would have one less body to help
my school would not be thought of
my money situation would worsen cause i wouldn't be getting paid

and i would be being selfish because i dont belive i was put on this earth to be happy but to apease others.

the things that i think about are only of doing things to make otheres happy or have good memories that might involve me.

I might not exist to myself, but i hope that i can effect everone elses life in a small way that is positive.

i'm slightly depressed and alone, but i know i'll get through this, i always do. because if i wasn't there ...

who would be the naked guy?

RUSH PHI MU ALPHA!!!

2005-09-18T23:54:00.000-05:00

the best rush poster EVER.

that is all for now, be prepaired for my brain to explode later

see you space cowboy

A post about Al

2005-09-12T00:25:00.000-05:00

"the best will come to those who act on the highest plain of moral conduct and brotherly spirit. those who act as a moral and upright man will live an existance as one"

norvall church

i put this in here to remind myself that i will never apease everyone. people will have there reasons for hating me and never wanting to aknowlage my ideals, position, or my existance.

if you don't know, don't ask.

it just hurts me on a plane that only a brother can realize, and the fact that it was said by a brother after putting the vote of no confidence and

you, as a sinfonian, dont exist to me, and i will not be around to see it.

I don't belive that a brother could attack another brother on that level. yes, if you know whats been going on, things werent exactly done the way things idealy should go, but completly disavowing any existance of the ideas that we hold so dear that were instiled into me by brothers that he served with.

I will never say he's taking the low road, or that hes just being jelous, just because I would rather have my best friend go out with a borther with the same ideals that I have, than some random dude that you dont know anything about. I did it, Erin is dating Paul now... granted the time frame is completly different, but I know shes safe with him.

I'm not a man that would go out of my way to hurt anyone, ever. I'm the guy people come to too to solve problems without malace, i'm the shrink, i'm the one who avoids drama. I am hurt deeply that a brother would take this road.

...and the only people that can truly comfort me, and care for me enough to worry about how my attitude has changed are the same people that you say i am nothing like. the same brothers you would gladly aknowlage over me are the same people i go to for solice and help.

Once a SINFONIAN,
always a SINFONIAN,
LONG LIVE SINFONIA!

and not one person can take that from me.

so heres a quote for you.

"...Let not the fire of your tounge burn the flesh of your brother, but may you be animated by pure and lofty motives and your speech be inspired to the understanding of all brothers; and for the glory of SINFONIA..."

...go through hell to get to heaven...

I just hope the hell i'm going through wont interfere with the heaven I feel when shes arround.

oas,aas,lls... its more evident now than ever...

A post about Kari

2005-09-09T20:15:00.000-05:00

i can't stop thinking about her. i know its taboo to say after one month, but its true.

Some people might not want to hear any of this and to those people i say this; i've never hidden my feelings before and you know about it, yet refuse to aknowlage it. And this is my space, i do what i want, if you think thats a new rule to my blog, read the first entry from almost a year ago.

I didn't mean for that to sound mean, but i've been afraid to say how i feel about this girl in here for over a month now.

I literally havn't been happier in my life that i can remember, Andrea comes close, but that has ended and were still very good friends.

I love this girl, and i don't care who knows it. i'm playing this one like a good boy, cause i really am a good boy.

i litteraly can't stop thinking about her or what i can do for her because i feel i owe her for making me feel this good.

i don't know how well this is going to be recived, but sence i took my link out of my profile it should deter drama.

keep posted for updates on how shits going down in the good ol' dub dub

adios folks

why i have no time, ever

2005-09-08T12:17:00.000-05:00

http://www.infoplease.com/spot/leapyear2.html

so we lose 11 min and some odd seconds ... i want them back....

bored

2005-08-31T01:03:00.000-05:00

strap in, you better be ready for an ADD fueled ride...

i use the triple period thing too much, i should start using comas... naw

i can't belive i feel this good about one person. its unreal.

jello shots are increadibly easy to make

i had a mini reunion of my freshman year dorms ar the pub

i like being crazy too much to grow up

this is kinda like my post of 'realizaions'

i wish i had a hobby other than sleeping

i really need to balance out the lack of follow-through with my enormus ambition

girl, just wow

how much would a kidney go for on the black market?

i'm stressed when i shouldn't be

i feel old

why is it when a girl is naked its an event, but when a guy gets naked people call the cops

the world should realize things, but it doesn't

i can't force being random

i like stealing, but only when its funny or apropriate

i like the fact i can pee anywhere

i spread myself too thin sometimes

its nice having a duplicate

snow would be great if it wasn't so cold

theres only one reason why i haven't shaved my head, and its a really good one

how did she know about sweat-pants?

mmm-bop is a really catchy tune

tommy cerqua killed my plant

i might do him a favor and off his dog

mmm-bop is a really annoying song

dennis is me in a slower timeframe and in varying frequency

talcum powder does in fact make your hand slide off even the greasiest hookers face

the most un-sexy part of sex is taking off clothes

unless its a striptease

but the person getting teased still has to get undressed

i dont think i drink that much

girls not wearing underwear is hot, only if your told aproproatly, or find out

why am i thinking about getting back into theatre

sleeping is an art form

showers are much easier with less hair

i hope this isn't the hapiest i'll ever be

cause i'm pretty god damn happy

a little insight into me...kinda....eh.. not that much

2005-08-28T22:51:00.000-05:00

yea, so i totaly stole this from kari's myspace and firgured it was fun enough...

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Andrew
2. Peanuts
3. Mouth

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Cartmanx3
2. pnutslax
3. Peanuts Love Dude

THREE (PHYSICAL) THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Hands
2. My 3rd Earlobe
3. Smile

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. weight
2. that vein under my right eye
3. my joints (i feel so old)

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. English
2. German
3. French

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Snakes
2. Failure
3. Disapointing anyone

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS(or, most day-essentials):
1. Waking up
2. Cellphone
3. Music

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Hawiian shirt
2. my 3rd favorite boxers
3. khakis

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS/ARTISTS:
1. Jack Johnson
2. Tenacios D
3. ... too many

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Sugar, we're going down (Fall out Boy)
2. The Blower's Daughter (Damien Rice)
3. Rouges of Scotland (i honestly don't know)

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. not drinking durring school... at least heavily
2. planning a sucessfull vacation
3. doing well in school

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP(besides love):
1. To be doing nothing, and being content with just being with that person
2. complete openess and honesty with everything
3. spontinaity

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I'm an attention Whore
2. I know entirely too much about home improvement
3. I dont know anything about painting
*guess which is a lie, you get a prize*

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. smile
2. buttocal / thigh regon
3. hygine

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. give up my cell phone
2. 3,000,000 situps
3. let someone fail because of somthing i did

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. anything vocal (talking, singing, etc..)
2. randomly finding ways to do imposible things
3. having meaningfull conversations

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. teliportation yea, but cloning... one for work and one for play...
2. sleep
3. eat

THREE CAREERS YOU ARE CONSIDERING:
1. Designer
2. Managment
3. Faux Painter

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Ireland
2. Some place warm
3. New York in the summer

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Scott Preston Hale
2. John Preston Hale
3. Amy Lynn Hale

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Jump into a cave in mexico thats like 4 miles strait down. with a parichute obviously
2. be a grandfather, that crazy one that you really want to take to a home
3. effect someones life enough that they will thank me at an apropriate time in their life

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR ELSE! :
1. Dennis Lynn
2. Dennis Dorn
3. Eric Kivi

The Non-Discrimanatory Bitch session

ode to Cyndi

ch-ch-ch-chaaaanges

horse pills...

scorpion...

damnit

Stumbleupon Seppuku

YAWP !!!

Hiro

bob sagat

lemonade...

A cool september rain...

look out, more than one update a month...

I had to poop the whole time, but I held it off because I was on a roll...

one month on average, like bleeding

fore score, and seven minutes ago...

of times to come, in oh... 11 1/2 hours

have you all stoped reading? cause I know I stoped reading yours.

*title accidentaly deleted, oops*

some random rablings

Does this all seem weird to you?

Faux Painting

22 days later...

The trip...

Life

“You never really leave a place or person you love, part of them you take with you ,leaving a part of yourself behind.”

Explanations

why me?

Jay

venting, but not really...

American Music Recital

My obsession with being a BADASS

Life at this exact moment

ways i'm not attractive

Sacrifice

WTF mate?!?

just to let you know, i'm posting about every 3 days aperintly

http://www.fuckvday.com/

I hate Febuary

Pants?

My first step to becoming a hermit

Life, or somthing completly not what i'm used too...

I woke up early, so I post.

Bill's Place

I can't sleep.

... better

I told Tom that i might kill him tonight...

Bill's Place

A Post

ugh... *le sigh*

Does anyone read this?

2006 as i want it to be

the past few hours

A Post

too busy to blog?

New Years

happy aniversary

and now for somthing completely different...

ok, heres an update

I'm a mess

thoughts before bed

i'm not disapointed with the results, but i thought you all should know

The Excursion

Closure

johnny quest thinks i'm pretty cool actually...

man this is going to be a looong week...

ANDREW ULATOWSKI, CLEAN MY RUG !

I'm having a Shitty day...

Drunk Blog

Zodiac Stuff

What i want to happen

Dear Anonymous,

Not exactly a post about past relationships..but close

An erie calm...

november 27th, 1am, central standard time...

I don't know what I did last summer

i'm going to be late to work because i'm blogging

not myself, but as close as I can be..

Ideas

Amendment to last Blog entry

title accidentaly deleted, oops

ugh... le sigh