so, went to the doc for a follow up apointment, come to find out that there are only 2 more steps between me and surgery...


fun.



so now i'm taking 2 pills before lunch, 2 before dinner, and 1 before sleep if need be...

after that they swich me to a different drug, more powerfull and less doses.




and if that doesnt work the'll be inside me...


only time will tell...




off to work, laterz!





....god that was such a gay send off...

*whistles*

i think i thrive on change. it makes me think. makes me try and put a spin on things, work angles. i dont know why i say this, but i see myself YET AGAIN wondering why dont i get off my fat ass and go fucking work out.

why?


why not?


i know there are more things wrong with me that there are right, but i fear that in fixing the things that are wrong too much will change. too much of anything is never a good thing.

i think my sub concious just needed to get somthing out, either that or i'm watching too many guy richie films as of late.

i'm a busy man with many opourtunities and has his hands in many things. but when i think of why i should go down and run, or why i should go to the gym in the morning, i freeze.

i come up with excuses that make no sense only after i can't reverse my decision.

i think that its my subconcious trying to stop me from changing.

trying to stop myself from being healthy.

maybe its because my family has always been fat...

maybe it because that if i lose it, i will have the pressure of keeping it off...

maybe its just cause i'm a lazy fat peice of fuck...



maybe...





maybe i should stop typing and go workout for a bit...




....... but i dont know where my headphones are....

i'm such a dick....