here you go, my first real job.


I really didn't want to clean his whole place again, cause i had to get to work. so its 'lived in'
Here's a bonus, how it looks as you walk into the door.

Now on to Bill's room.
and an even bigger bonus, you fools get Tyler's room aswel


yes, i think it looks spectacular, and aperintly he got off paying a good amount.... but it would have ben a profetional job, Ah well. Experience is well needed and apreciated.

So its almost 4am. I can't sleep and I don't know why. I'm fairly wide awake and I have to get up at aproximetly 6am to clean the outside of the house so we don't get any greif from our landlord. It's kind of rediculous if you ask me, I should have done it when I was playing video games today.

yea, I am now filling my vast amounts of free time with playing 'Burnout - Revenge'. At least its better than drinking, wich I am going to lay off of for a little while, my last little blog post kind of made me realise I might be drinking a tad bit much as of late. Not really for any reason either, just a bunch of surcumstances. I think i'm going to take a break after my night out with Tiffany Friday.

I feel kind of sick, i've been trying to drink more water and have a glass of grapefruit juice at least once a day, i'm pretty sure my body hates me.

I wanted to call kari today, just because. I had nothing better to do at work, but my phone was almost dead. I didn't even call tommy for that long. Mr. Cerqua is on my daily call list, I feel weird if I don't talk to him at least once a day. I am not gay. But people are telling me I have more and more tendencies like one. It saddens me.

I'd like to not be single again. But wouldn't every single guy out there? I don't feel special in this need, but I do have a good thing that could be. I just need to grow some balls and ask.

I don't like living in a house with a bunch of people that are going to school when i'm not. Its just weird. I did it whe I lived with Paul and Kuhn, and thats what drove me back to school. I think its because the time they can spend hanging out is limited not only by work, but now by homework. Lord knows I am the last person to try and persuade someone not to do homework and hang out... Well, the last person you should listen to when I say such things.

The whole transition looks like its going to go very smooth. I'm taller than Brian, the manger at Madison-west. I like that fact. I totally caught him off guard when I showed up to his store Tuesday. I like being in control of the situation.

maybe thats why I went over the edge from my Financial aid. I was told I was acting "EMO". I'm not sure what the exact terminology is, but in context, I assumed it was a self loathing, whiner. I hate that, So I move on. I was defeated, but I have a back up plan.

My greener pastures.

My escape from the dead end.

My new life that I will be happy and sucsessfull at.

My life.

My happiness.










I'm still wide awake. I think its because I know i'm cutting bait. I think its because I have so much to say, yet no one hears me. I think its because i'm about to explode. I think its because theres somthing wrong with me; not figuratively, but on the whole.

I can't get rid of my thoughts of Kari, yet I can't stop thinking about HER. Its rather flustrating;


and yes, I say FLUSTRATING. I feel more cofortable saying that now that Dawn Rochelle uses it aswell, and complimented my useage of the word.

So there.







I'm still sleepless, trying to figure out who I can live with and who I should live without.





The really sad thing is, SHE has blue eyes too... so anything I reference will either come off as sad poetry of a lost love, or the reaching for a new friendship,


and hell if I can even determine at this point, even though I don't exist in either of their eyes.


(for you who don't get it, I am talking about 2 different people... i felt i had to explain as to not sound too 'EMO' )


Damn you Kristina, for being right. But I know i'm ready.







I think its just gas keeping me up.













Why can't I be simple?

ok, i know i had to vent, and i got a little drunk when i was posting.

But i think i'm going to heed some of Al's advice and work on my spelling. I'm sick of deleting comments from random people taht look at my blog that all they can coment on is that " you need to learn how to fucking spell."

its agrivating at best.

yes, i was drunk while writing the last post, that acounts for the slurs, but i said that right in the epilouge... its like some people are just out there to criticise.

come on ... get a life.



and on that note I apologize. I wasn't myself today. I was irate and yelling. Thats not me. I don't like it when I get that way.



There you go 'kerriced'. I'm sorry I don't like to ruin my thought process by spellchecking everything I put on here.


*sigh*


somthing from Little Nemo just poped into my head...


"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...."

epilouge: I just went out and purchaced 3 bottles of Mad Dog 20/20, the drink that gets me good and drunk because of what your about to read, as i am currently chugging the first of three, 1/4 of the way done after writing this paragraph. so it might get sloppy by the end of the post. I khope i don't get angry, i am drinking alloe and pissed off. this isn't healthy, but its the only thing that will settle me down.



The story;

so in june, aperintly i was sent 2 letters telling me that i needed to jump through some extra hoops to get my finacial aid. i never really took these letters seriously, because i was taking a summer course that would bring my GPA up to over a 2.0

wich i t did.

so i assumed (i know, i assumed...) that the system, WINS, the same system that both the students use and the university uses to keep track of the students would realize that i had taken the summer class and that i didn't need to go through the SAP (student apeals process) because i was a student in good standing thats enroled.

so i sat on my hands when i had to put in my FAFSA, yea, thats my fault, i admit it. Fact is, it was still put durring fall semester when i was in good standing with the university and was enroled, i shouldn't have had any problems.

or so i thought.

i got a certified letter from the university december 9th, i didnt get to reciving it untill the 22nd, again... my fault. it was then that UWW took me to collections because they had not recived any financial aid. they assumed i would have known that i didn't get an award letter so i would have KNOWN to come in and talk to them...

heavn fucking forbid they actually put effort forward...

so i go to the office, try and go through the hoops and get my SAP figured out. They had dated material that i was accepted for aid for fall and spring semester december 23rd. so i waited till the 26th to call the collections office, ('E' her name is, the nice lady that has delt with me for a few years now and actually enjoys seeing me cause i understand shes not the devil and i co-operate with her) and explain that i called the office for finacial aid and they said, 'oh, you were enroled and you do have over a 2.0... so were gonna get you 55 hundred for aid'...i was fucking exstatic.

but i told E, i was gonna call back just in case, cause i know how UWW is with money.

I'm fucking glad i did, cause 3 days later they explained to me that they werent going to give me aid because i wasnt at a 2.0 after fall semester.




i was pissed.




not only would i have not known that if i wouldn't have called, but the fact that i was lied too.


ok, so i say FUCK IT, i'm done. i'm not coming back, i'm gonna take the semester off and go elcewhere, so i didnt bother calling back, i didn't care anymore, i owe 3+ grand, i'll figure it out.

so i planned out my year, i was happy, knowing that i had plans. i even went to visit my new store that i'm going to transfer too just this morning.

but last weekend, January 12th, i get my award letter telling me that i'm going to get my money and theres a letter SIGNED IN PEN PERSONALY BY CAROL MILLER, THE HEAD OF FINANCIAL AID HERSELF saying that i was accepted through the SAP process to get my financial aid.




TOOOOOO GOOD TO BE TRUE....





i talked to cassie (Ben's girlfriend and employee of the university student accounts) and she told me to accept it online and double check it in person.


tahts what took me an hour and a ahlf of bitching and explaining my point to many high-up-n's that i should get my money for fall, and i'm not coming back to UWW.

it ends up that i was lied too the first time. unless i enrol full time at a university that i do not want to be a part of, i will not recive ANY aid WHAT-SO-EVER for anything.


i got fucked.



this is the first time that i felt like a number. the first time i got told, 'oops you fell through the cracks, your screwed, sorry'


i have gotten through tht first of 3 bottles of mad dog.

i am drunk at 4:02 PM on tuesday, janury 17th 2006.


i hoppe i make it through this.


i dont know how i can settle down








so i drink














thats so bad.... i don't do this. i'm not a drunk, not an alcoholic.













but what elce is there to make me happy?























tahts right.... not much...













don't cross me, i don't know what i'm doing.













i need strees relif