so i sit here, durring the busiest time in my life so far, blogging, yes blogging. why? because i think that i said it to begin with... i put stuff on here so that i don't have to talk about it to everyone. So here goes.

Me and Kari are over. I really didn't see it coming until i spent 2 horrible days without any contact form her not knowing what to think. our conversation on monday led me to belive that she was just wanting a break, but after the 2 days she called it off.

i dont want to make it seem like i had no part in this, it was my fault for going to fast, for falling to hard. but it was ultimatly her decission. so we finaly talked about it and somehow ended laughing and joking at the end ov our breakup conversation.

I hate the fact that its over, but somehow i'm ok with it. i don't know if i'm in denial or its that i have a million and a half other things taht are keeping my mind from dwelling on the pain. its probably both. i thought i had somthing that would last for years, but 2 1/2 months later i get leveled, then 3-5 hours after, i somehow am back to doing what needs to get done. i dont know if i'm 'over' what happened or not, but i hope its not going to creep up on me and hit me later.

i know it won't, i'm laid back like that. shit happens, and it happens for a reason.

And if its ment to be theres the old quote that every person going through a breakup HATES to hear, "if you love somthing, let it go. if it returns, then you know it's right"

so there, a blog post iun under 20 minutes with 3 phone call inturuptions!

guh, NO REST FOR THE WICKED!!!







p.s. i got a part in a directing one scene, it should be FUCKING hilarious! more to come later.

10 Years Ago I was:...
12
masturbating (i did it a hell of a lot, i tell you what...)
going to school in a new school
bitching because we worked all year on a statue and then moved schools so the underclassmen could play but we couldn't

5 Years Ago I was:...
taking my first year of college
on the Lacrosse team
un-popular
getting my nickname "Peanuts"

1 Year Ago I was:...
Just getting back in school
living with Dennis and Tommy
Pledging a fine, FINE Fraternity
getting a 2 dollar raise
playing alot of videogames

Yesterday I:...
woke up on time
Cleaned the Fraternity house
got my heart stopped
felt the worst i've ever emotionaly felt
worked

5 Snacks I Enjoy:
'take 5'
choccolate covered pretzels
pastereys
kit-kats
skittles

Songs I Know All The Words To:...
Sugar, we're going down swingin
Confrontation from jekyll and hyde
better together
bananna pankakes
flake

5 Things I Would Do With 100 Million Dollars:...
pay off all my & my friends bills
buy ferris and 404 North
pay off all of our dues for my tenure
level ferris and make it a BITCHEN party house owned by us
pay off everyone in whitewaters rent for a year

5 Places I Would Run Away To:...
Home
my spot in Lima Marsh
Blackhawk campgrounds
Dennis' place
my room

5 Things I would Never Wear:...
preppy 'abercrombe' clothes
anything that cost over 30$
a large mettal statue
ass-less chaps....wait, strike that
red tissue paper in the rain

5 Favorite Movies:...
Boondock Saints
Van Wilder
anything with either Alien or Preditor
dirty dancing...yeah, i said it
snatch/lock stock

5 Bad Habits:...
procrastinating
no followthrough
too dedicated to work
farting
cracking my nuckles

5 Biggest Joys:...
Making someone else happy
knowing i'm in love
knowing i have friends that care
being here for everyone
just being me

5 People I tag to do this:
dennis
darnarse
...who ever hasn't
you
and you too...













wow that was kinda lame. I'm in a shitty mood, tell me a joke.


no seriously, i'm in a shitty mood


because i could potentialy be destroyed, or uplifted with one conversation.


worst part is, i haven't had that conversation yet, so i don't know what to think. how can you know what to think when in a situation like this.

Its worth it. because i know it is. because i feel it is. because i can't imagine it not being anything but better.

















i've said too much, you need to make the decicision. you know where i'm at, you could either sight me in and shoot me down, or join me on cloud nine.

















I don't feel healthy, like mcguire just hit me in the chest with a baseball bat.


















...couldn't be happier?

mid october 2005...


a party that shouldn't have happened. anything that can cause division between brothers is not healthy. all respective parties have a right to be angry, but we have to realize things change without us being able to control them. i hope we can all learn from this and life on in a stronger bond.


its 2:26AM, i am so stressed, flustrated, tense, agrivated, lonely, hungry, and just down-right glad that HOMECOMING IS FUCKING OVER!!!