Class was canceled for me today, wich means i got to sleep in till 10:30ish. after taking advantage of the morning wood, and talking to Dennis, i went to shower. A good long one where i decided to post about 2 things.

1. What should i do with my hair?
2. Why am i already hearing Christmas music!?!?

1) i'm thinkin about cutting it shorter, but a part of me thinks to let it go, i got no one to impress, why not? i kinda liked the buzz cut, it was easy and whatnot, but i'm so wishywashy its sick.

2) ITS NOVEMBER 17TH!!!!! wh did i hear 2 chrismas songs in a row! at least the oldies stations warn you when there going to start. literally, they had an add on 9.49 that there going to start the day after thanksgiving...

SANTA IS ALREADY AT THE MALL!!! fuck this man, i'm not a big fan of the holidays, i tend to get depressed and lonely. i think theres a word for it, but i think this year is gonna be different, my family is actually doing somthing for thanksgiving, but christmas is still up in the air. I haven't had a good christmas sence i was in Iowa... 3, maybe 4 years now...

so yea, i hate the happyness of the holidays and my hair.

Ok, I know I was going to reformat how and when I post, but I need to get this out on a media of some kind. Sence this is my solice, my canvas to express what I'm doing and how I feel this is where I'm going to get out what i'm feeling.

The past two days i've felt more like myself than I have sence the breakup, wich I was extreemly happy about. I was back to being me again. I'm not going to lie, I had a female freind sleep over last night, nothing bad happened that hadn't happend between us before, but it was still a good time and it got my mind off of everything. Tonight it was sharring my space with another friend, pretty much compleetly plutonic - just cause i'm a cuddler - and things changed.

Its now 2:30 in the fucking morning and all I can think about is all the good times me and kari had and why they went wrong. I guess I'm being like this because I can't figure it all out, I know she gave me an explanation and maybe I took it to easy, I should have delved deeper into why she just found out she didn't love me.

Fucking Ben Folds. I have the playlist of Ben Folds, Jack Johnson and a few other artists going when I sleep useually, and tonight, I had to get up and change the song. It was almost over - on the last verse - and I was almost asleap, but I had to stop it. Music has that effect on a person. I was in a great mood, had a relaxing day, no drama in my life, cuddling with a good friend. Things were going grand then I get blindsided. My brain just decided to think about uresolved issues that can't be resolved until I see her again, until I see how she reacts infront of the person she made so happy then yanked it away. I need to know that shes effected too. Not in a malicious way, I dont wish any bad tidings upon her, but I need to know 'us' ending had some effect on her aswell. I wont know that until I look in her eyes.

The phone calls have ended, its like we have no need to talk anymore. I had to make an effort not to talk to her for 3 days while I wrote out what I felt. I had to write it out because if I got off topic I wouldn't feel closure. Those three days all I did was think about her and what happened and how I felt. After I sent it out, and still havent talked to her, I was glad to get it off my chest.

Now its back. I'll never get rid of this feeling until I see it in her.

Yeah, i'm back to as close to normal as I can be. But i'll never be that person that fell in love so hard and so deeply with her. I'll love again, its a natural emotion, but some things can't be changed back after there initally changed.



This should be the last post about kari, or Al, or 'the situation' for a long time, its getting to the point where it even bores me, but at ... 3am now ... I feel better knowing its out there and thats whats going on with me.




... worst part is I know she reads this.







what do you want to hear about next?

• what i want in every aspect in life
• a sexually charged post
• explaining the 'unatainable' or 'fishing'
• my thoughts on touch being esential
• my plans in life
• things i'd like to do before i'm 30
• date ideas
• ways to suprize your loved one
• stupid quirky things girls love but guys never do
• why more people than dennis, denise, kivi, and lindsay (and guest apearance by kris once and a while) should coment on my blog.

Family: we got a new puppy, 'Mikey' (like the mouse) Mik for short. i do laundry and hang out for a bit when i'm home, but i always have somthing that takes me away from them... over turkey day it'll be good to spend time with them.

Fraternity:going allong fine, the stress is evening out, but theres still allot of work to be done...miles and miles before i sleep...

Social: i'm finding that my social life is fraternity life, the parties and the good times with my brothers. i have found that being in this directing scene is a nice change of pace.

Money: sold Tiki, i know i hated doing it, but it was 150$ profit... wich i bet i should have saved, but squandered... and i still dont have food...

Work: boss is leaving in a few weeks, we dont know who's going to replace him, we hope he fires the old guy, so it'll be me, the stoner/drunk assistant manager, and the new guy for a boss... i'll oficially be the backbone for a few months...

Females: decent luck lately. its good to be me... and aperintly its a prett well known fact i'm a good kisser... can't go wrong with that.

Drama: yellow alert

School: i should concintrate on school more, it should be paid for soon, thats what i get for not doing a fafsa until like a month ago

Friends: i've lost touch with so many people, it saddens me. i talked to Breann School the other day, its good to know she's alive

Health: decent, need to do more sit ups, but i'm losing weight... i do have this 'harder' section of my gut i want to get checked out...

Song: Gorillaz - DARE - just a great beat

Last Laugh: Phil's brain exploding thursday night