Ok, I know I was going to reformat how and when I post, but I need to get this out on a media of some kind. Sence this is my solice, my canvas to express what I'm doing and how I feel this is where I'm going to get out what i'm feeling.

The past two days i've felt more like myself than I have sence the breakup, wich I was extreemly happy about. I was back to being me again. I'm not going to lie, I had a female freind sleep over last night, nothing bad happened that hadn't happend between us before, but it was still a good time and it got my mind off of everything. Tonight it was sharring my space with another friend, pretty much compleetly plutonic - just cause i'm a cuddler - and things changed.

Its now 2:30 in the fucking morning and all I can think about is all the good times me and kari had and why they went wrong. I guess I'm being like this because I can't figure it all out, I know she gave me an explanation and maybe I took it to easy, I should have delved deeper into why she just found out she didn't love me.

Fucking Ben Folds. I have the playlist of Ben Folds, Jack Johnson and a few other artists going when I sleep useually, and tonight, I had to get up and change the song. It was almost over - on the last verse - and I was almost asleap, but I had to stop it. Music has that effect on a person. I was in a great mood, had a relaxing day, no drama in my life, cuddling with a good friend. Things were going grand then I get blindsided. My brain just decided to think about uresolved issues that can't be resolved until I see her again, until I see how she reacts infront of the person she made so happy then yanked it away. I need to know that shes effected too. Not in a malicious way, I dont wish any bad tidings upon her, but I need to know 'us' ending had some effect on her aswell. I wont know that until I look in her eyes.

The phone calls have ended, its like we have no need to talk anymore. I had to make an effort not to talk to her for 3 days while I wrote out what I felt. I had to write it out because if I got off topic I wouldn't feel closure. Those three days all I did was think about her and what happened and how I felt. After I sent it out, and still havent talked to her, I was glad to get it off my chest.

Now its back. I'll never get rid of this feeling until I see it in her.

Yeah, i'm back to as close to normal as I can be. But i'll never be that person that fell in love so hard and so deeply with her. I'll love again, its a natural emotion, but some things can't be changed back after there initally changed.



This should be the last post about kari, or Al, or 'the situation' for a long time, its getting to the point where it even bores me, but at ... 3am now ... I feel better knowing its out there and thats whats going on with me.




... worst part is I know she reads this.







what do you want to hear about next?

• what i want in every aspect in life
• a sexually charged post
• explaining the 'unatainable' or 'fishing'
• my thoughts on touch being esential
• my plans in life
• things i'd like to do before i'm 30
• date ideas
• ways to suprize your loved one
• stupid quirky things girls love but guys never do
• why more people than dennis, denise, kivi, and lindsay (and guest apearance by kris once and a while) should coment on my blog.

Family: we got a new puppy, 'Mikey' (like the mouse) Mik for short. i do laundry and hang out for a bit when i'm home, but i always have somthing that takes me away from them... over turkey day it'll be good to spend time with them.

Fraternity:going allong fine, the stress is evening out, but theres still allot of work to be done...miles and miles before i sleep...

Social: i'm finding that my social life is fraternity life, the parties and the good times with my brothers. i have found that being in this directing scene is a nice change of pace.

Money: sold Tiki, i know i hated doing it, but it was 150$ profit... wich i bet i should have saved, but squandered... and i still dont have food...

Work: boss is leaving in a few weeks, we dont know who's going to replace him, we hope he fires the old guy, so it'll be me, the stoner/drunk assistant manager, and the new guy for a boss... i'll oficially be the backbone for a few months...

Females: decent luck lately. its good to be me... and aperintly its a prett well known fact i'm a good kisser... can't go wrong with that.

Drama: yellow alert

School: i should concintrate on school more, it should be paid for soon, thats what i get for not doing a fafsa until like a month ago

Friends: i've lost touch with so many people, it saddens me. i talked to Breann School the other day, its good to know she's alive

Health: decent, need to do more sit ups, but i'm losing weight... i do have this 'harder' section of my gut i want to get checked out...

Song: Gorillaz - DARE - just a great beat

Last Laugh: Phil's brain exploding thursday night