Non-Descriminatory Bitch Session

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

My obsession with being a BADASS

So lately I've wanted to become more and more of a badass. Now, before you go saying why. Let me define what I mean by BADASS...

I mean that guy.
The guy that can get away with anything.
The guy that always has the quip at the apropriate time.
The guy that doesnt do anything normal and still can function.
The guy that no one can think of doing menial tasks.
The guy that doesnt work for anyone.
The guy that people miss when he leaves.
The guy that brings a fresh look on a situation that no one thought of.
The guy that has the answers.
The guy people want to know whats going on with.
The guy thats interesting.
The ideal that you live your own life, Fuck the rules.
The ideal that you live your life to the fullest.
The ideal that you have no regrets and dont look back at your failures, or your downfalls, you just do what you have to do to get by.

I want to be that guy and to have those ideals. I'm close. Closer than most of you close minded drones. I hope that I can take what I have and continue, to be that BADASS. To be that one person that can make a difference.

Until then, I am just another Number. #1550915, #6, #9785233... thats me... I pick my nose and I fart and belch. I love without repricussion, I lust without responce. I am Human.

So now for why. Why? Why not. I have been troden on, mentaly brow-beat, shat on by life, sat in the back seat to everyone elses ride of their life, been the janitor picking up the confetti behind the parrade (al'la Rocky & Bulwinkle). Never getting ahead, but always just a tad bit behind.

This move, Madison, is a first for me. A first not living with a bunch of people I know. Not having my space invaded...like it is right now by 3 people not even involving me in there conversation... using my space as thiers. I will have my own bathroom for the first time IN MY LIFE. I will have my own living room instead of living in the room that everyone else ueses. That floored me when I thought of that today. I'm paying my way, in my own place, with my own job and my own life. Why not be what I want to? Why not be the badass? Why not live life the way I want to and stop being the one that has to please everyone.

So I can stop being the one that complains that people dont update their blogs, when I should just fucking talk to them. So I can stop being the one that cant ask a girl out even though I know what the result would be even if the timing was right. So I can be the one at the bar that intreauges the one thats not there to hook up. The guy that is comfortable and still wanting more. The guy... The dude... Me.

I leave you with some quotes from FIGHT CLUB, the epitomy of what i'm talking about...

All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not...

I feel like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I want to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I want to breathe smoke...

I feel like destroying somthing beautiful...

WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Ok, you are now firing a gun at your 'imaginary friend' near 400 GALLONS OF NITROGLYCERINE!

Thanks for your time. You now know why i'm distant. Why i'm not me. Why i'm gonna be the real me from now on.

Written at 9:06 PM by Peanuts.

0 comments

Life at this exact moment

i've become very lax on updating this blog of mine... and i'm sorry for all of you that have been checking it. The sad fact is, i dont really do anything anymore. I've become a shell of my former interesting self. I dont hang out with the same people, I just do alot of 'chillin'. not necicarily a bad thing, but i feel like i'm missing somthing. So in light of me not really having anything to talk about, i'll use my Ending thoughts as a format to a blog entry:

Family: They helped out with some of the money for celebration, wich i'll talk about later, but on a whole, i miss them. I feel like a bad son when i cant do anything with them and there forced to come to my sotre in beloit to talk to me, wich is nice, but i wish i could do stuff with the family more, like go somewhere or just do somthing as a family... but sad thing is, they do too, its me who keeps being busy... i'm a horrible son.

Fraternity: They quit... well, Trav quit. Celebration isn't happening. Theres alot of ball dropping going on. Its not entirely all our faults, its just flustrating that we cant gell still.... i hope lyrecrest helps a bunch...

Social: I'm hanging out at the bars more, wich lets me get away and also drains my bank account quicker. i like being able to go out with Tiffany and Joia and being the 'Strait-Gay-Friend'. i get to see alot of the people that i went through classes and lived with, cause we all hang out at the bars, but i'm becoming a barfly... i dont know if i like that.

Money: -$40... damn it, how am i going to pay for tickets out to NYC if i keep doing that. payday is Thursday, but still, i have no gas and no food. I hate being poor. but we all are, so i cant rightly complain.

Work: Still getting shit for being me, but thats expected. The auditer is at the store, so my manager actually does his job. People stick arround so i'm not solo all the time. Daryl still doesnt do anything... I'm such a golden child at this place i'm scared to leave... what if i cant get away with the shit i get away with in madison? wat if i hate it? what if i dont get a raise? Fuck it, i can waht if all day long...

Females: Nothing. Slight blips on the radar, but those flights are all departing or heading to different destinations. every time i get to like a girl, somthing comes up where i have to do the gentlemanly thing and back down. It sucks. I'd like a date to formal, an actual date. not just another person who wants to go... i think i'm just gonna crash and not pay for a room and just fall asleep in someones bath tub. I'm a lonely man with alot of love and time to spend on a girl.

Drama: none that i can think of, havent talked to my drama in a month or so now. kinda feels good, and bad at the same time.

School: Have to enrol and shmooze a professor to let me in past the YEAR LONG waiting list... i guess, worst case senario, i get to a full time position and make some bank before i go off to school... it could be worse.

Friends: Just got back from Karinas with Paul, Adrian and 'Drea. i felt so out of the loop... i hate growing apart.

Health: not getting fat anymore, i am fat. I need someone to whip me into shape. I want to look good naked. The fact that we have a new mirror in the bathroom should help, i see myself when i get out of the shower, when i'm my most comfortable and not sucking anything in or flexing and slouching... yea, not a pretty sight...

Song: Take off your Clothes - morningwood

Last Laugh: Chillin with the boys (yes i know dreas a girl) at karinas

oh yea, I got this for you all = MySpace

Written at 6:25 PM by Peanuts.

0 comments

About Me