Excerpts from a good conversation;

-yea, i'm giving up on flirting

-its pointless

-just gets in the way of things

-[i mean] vivatious flirting that wont go anywhere cause it just wont

-i'm not going to go out of my way not to [flirt], i'm just going to tone it down

-i just realise that i wont have time to get any [ass, action, ect.], so why tease if theres no chance for follow through?

-i realise that i'm just begining to get busy, and who needs added stress? so i'm just not going to think that i can get any action so i'm not stressed out that i'm not getting any, even though i'm flirting

-in my head, i think a girl might be atracted to me enough to follow through, so i put extra effort into it, effort i could use elcewhere, and it never ends up going anywhere. so why flirt

-i'm just finally doing somthing about it

-i can still flirt, i just wont as much, and it doesnt mean i'm going to become heartless, i just have to face facts [that i can use my energy better elcewhere]

-...it doesnt make me happy to realize that no one cares what i think after being strung allong. its more damage control, i cant get worse from here

-no one cares that i'm more than a sideshow, like i said in my blog "a bit part in every one elces play"

-yea, ok, some people care. and those are the people that matter. but on a whole no one seems to think that i'm any more than that guy who does crazy things

-it just sucks sometimes being a sideshow act

- it sucks being complex when most people think your simple

- cause [people] expect me to be like peanuts all the time

-at least 3 times now ive had people wonder why i'm "down" when i'm just sitting here doing my thing

-being andy

-i dont get outwardly depressed, theres no point to that either

-i came to that realisation a long time ago

-just brings others down

-if i'm down, theres a reason for it, i dont need other people to feel sory for me, i just have to figure out why i'm down and fix it

-i just hate it when people whine... i spent a whole drunken new years being that guy.

so thats the skinny on why the last message happened. any questions?

wow, its been a while sence i've posted....























this drunk.... hehehe

soi tonight i made a sad realisation taht i will not be having any affection in any serious for with anyone i know ... at all.

useually i would be sad about this fact, but youknow, its kind of comforting. knowing that there is a comfort zonre ythat i have with my firends that we can flirt, be half naked, grope and have fun... but not have to worry about it getting weird.

so this has made me realizthat if i am to get real affection, i must expand my spheree of influence. meet new people, go out and date. do waht i can (no tto eliviatemyself from this qgroup, but too/....) to get out of this vicious cycle taht is what i call ....'flirting.......TO THE EXTRTEEME!!!!!'

wopw, i need to go work off some of this boooze, so i can at least be cohereant for my apointment wih the bank at 930 am....

i might get a new car!!!

besides the capitalization, i typed that correctly!

THAT^ TOO!!!

but not athat,,,fuck, my streak is over....


OFF TO THE PORCJHH!!!

after writing that last entry and having a small talk with John, i'm doing the un-heard of, 2 POSTS IN ONE NIGHT!!!


its been said over and over that i'm going to work out, i'm going to lose weight...

but with this semester coming up i'm realizing that i will have no time to be alone at all.

I wont have a realationship by then (yea, we broke up, we didn't have time for eachother... and no thats not the reason for the previous depressing post), i'll be doing alot for my Fraternity, I will be getting awesome grades, i will be working alot.

So that denotes i will have absolutly no free time... not like i do now, but at least i have time to take a decent crap every once and a while.

My solution, as i've tried to do in the past, but i belive that my resolve is strong enough to do now - excersize.




yea yea, laugh it up.




what i've seen in myslef is a lack of energy. Granted i'm the insane drunkard of ferris, but i mean being able to sleep for a solid 5-7 hours and be good for the day. I realized this when it was a widely known fact that i go into somewhat o a coma until 9pm when i come back from work. thats not normal.


oh, and i'm going to try and channel my tremors...

those who know - this could be a cool source of focus
those who don't know - just don't ask.


so thats my second post, hopefully a little more upbeat, even though you'll read this one first... ah well, your all smart, you can figure it out.


*MUAH*

- I want love...not just a one night stand.
- I want a one night stand... but with someone i know will cuddle after.
- I will not have time to do anything this semester but what needs too be done.
- People think i'm PEANUTS all the time, but i'm not.
- I have good intentions, but poor follow through.
- I have horrible spelling and/or grammar issues.
- My life is too open of a book.
- There are few people that actually know me, and those who do are hardly arround.
- Some people find me sexy.
- ... those people can never stay arround for too long.
- God hates me... not literally, lets say Fate hates me.
- I dedicate myself to things, but cannot prioritize.
- I talk entirely too much about nothing.
- I know entirely too little about everything.
- I have my life going good now.
- I want people to be happy before i am.
- I need to start excersizing, but i don't have too, so i don't.
- I spend entirely too much time sleeping.
- People like me
- I am complex, yet simple
- I will not wish
- I fart alot... i mean ALOT
- I'm an attention whore.



-I will forever be the man in the background, without that man, there would be no story to it, no viberance to life. without that charicter, that actor, there is no fervor to life. but there is not only that man, there are otheres and he is drowned in a sea of thoughtlesness. he will be remembered in story and in remincing about the good ol' days, but he will never play a lead role.


- ... for i am a bit part in everyone elce's play




damn, kinda depressing now that i re read it, but thats life...