So its almost 4am. I can't sleep and I don't know why. I'm fairly wide awake and I have to get up at aproximetly 6am to clean the outside of the house so we don't get any greif from our landlord. It's kind of rediculous if you ask me, I should have done it when I was playing video games today.

yea, I am now filling my vast amounts of free time with playing 'Burnout - Revenge'. At least its better than drinking, wich I am going to lay off of for a little while, my last little blog post kind of made me realise I might be drinking a tad bit much as of late. Not really for any reason either, just a bunch of surcumstances. I think i'm going to take a break after my night out with Tiffany Friday.

I feel kind of sick, i've been trying to drink more water and have a glass of grapefruit juice at least once a day, i'm pretty sure my body hates me.

I wanted to call kari today, just because. I had nothing better to do at work, but my phone was almost dead. I didn't even call tommy for that long. Mr. Cerqua is on my daily call list, I feel weird if I don't talk to him at least once a day. I am not gay. But people are telling me I have more and more tendencies like one. It saddens me.

I'd like to not be single again. But wouldn't every single guy out there? I don't feel special in this need, but I do have a good thing that could be. I just need to grow some balls and ask.

I don't like living in a house with a bunch of people that are going to school when i'm not. Its just weird. I did it whe I lived with Paul and Kuhn, and thats what drove me back to school. I think its because the time they can spend hanging out is limited not only by work, but now by homework. Lord knows I am the last person to try and persuade someone not to do homework and hang out... Well, the last person you should listen to when I say such things.

The whole transition looks like its going to go very smooth. I'm taller than Brian, the manger at Madison-west. I like that fact. I totally caught him off guard when I showed up to his store Tuesday. I like being in control of the situation.

maybe thats why I went over the edge from my Financial aid. I was told I was acting "EMO". I'm not sure what the exact terminology is, but in context, I assumed it was a self loathing, whiner. I hate that, So I move on. I was defeated, but I have a back up plan.

My greener pastures.

My escape from the dead end.

My new life that I will be happy and sucsessfull at.

My life.

My happiness.










I'm still wide awake. I think its because I know i'm cutting bait. I think its because I have so much to say, yet no one hears me. I think its because i'm about to explode. I think its because theres somthing wrong with me; not figuratively, but on the whole.

I can't get rid of my thoughts of Kari, yet I can't stop thinking about HER. Its rather flustrating;


and yes, I say FLUSTRATING. I feel more cofortable saying that now that Dawn Rochelle uses it aswell, and complimented my useage of the word.

So there.







I'm still sleepless, trying to figure out who I can live with and who I should live without.





The really sad thing is, SHE has blue eyes too... so anything I reference will either come off as sad poetry of a lost love, or the reaching for a new friendship,


and hell if I can even determine at this point, even though I don't exist in either of their eyes.


(for you who don't get it, I am talking about 2 different people... i felt i had to explain as to not sound too 'EMO' )


Damn you Kristina, for being right. But I know i'm ready.







I think its just gas keeping me up.













Why can't I be simple?