funk
n 1: a state of nervous depression; "he was in a funk" [syn: blue funk]

i suppose your all waiting for my sitation on that seing as this is the end of finals and were all done writing our papers... but this is my space... so fuck that (but i am going to "steam roll" myself, Evans style, using Turabian citation style, thank you Tony Gulig)

so this is the word that i'm describing myself as for the past...oh... 2 weeks. i dont know why, or how it happened, it just did. i've been in a funk before, but not one thats lasted this long and has gotten me so ....whats a good word... desensitised to emotion... yea, that'll work. so i dont know if it's just the season(a), or the fact that i'm realising how old i'm getting(b), or i have a life plan that i'm NO WHERE CLOSE to fulfilling, (c) or that i'm an attention whore and theres no one in this ghost town. maybe its the fact that i think i'm hideous(d) and theres no way that i could do all the fun promiscuous things a single guy (thats a self proclaimed genious in the sac) in college should be able to do.

maybe its the fact that i think i might be missing opourtunities... the doorbell of my life is broken and opourtunity doesn't seem to realise it needs to knock.

summation, i just dont know, i have a great job, great friends that are helping me emencly(e) and i have all the esentials in life, then why do i need this blog to vent? i obviously do, cause i did this whole entry without forethought as to what it was going to say.

And now for all of you that dont know what Turabian Citation style is... all those little letters in parenthasese, should make you look down to the coresponding letter below, now re-read and enjoy the zany way my brain thinks.

A - wich sucks to begin with and i hate it when i have to drive to work and alternate wich hand i'm sitting on just so my fingers dont fucking snap off. plus its not even really snowwy, WTF!! if its cold, i should be able to build a snow fort and wait diligently for my roomates to come home and pound them with snowballs... either that or build a snow wall in our driveway for the neighbors...yea...that would rule... calvin and hobbes style!

B - my age gauge is SO fucking off, i went to a play practice and i saw a girl that was the token little girl in the plays 4 years ago, now shes fucking hot... not cool. that makes me realise shes having all the fun i had, and probably more, back in the day...see, i refer to it as "back in the day"...IT WAS 4 YEARSAGO!!! yet, 4 years ago i was living up the collgege life, not giving a damn and now... i'm a sad pathetic shell of my former self.

C - i had (i say had, because theres no way i can do any of them now) two plans for my life, a short and long term. the short term goal was to get out of college (wich is possible, just not with any recognition... fucking GPA) start a small family, get an ASS LOAD of life insurance, and do Everything. yea, all that extreme sports shit. done. swimming with sharks. done. and my favorite...man this is so cool... theres a cave, that goes like 2 miles Strait Down that people free base dive into. that would e BITCHIN'! but no... cant happen... no grades, no graduating, no stupid peice of paper, no good job, no kahkis, no chicks, no life goal fulfilled.
Life goal number 2 - being that old guy with all the stories for any situation. the granpa that everyone tries to remain civil arround, but he blurts out "so, who you fucking now-a-days", the cool ass granpa you can tell all your secrets too and he'll keep 'em. the one you can go too, and he'll know the answer, allong with a cool story about life....like a version of Dr. Huckstable... but hardcore... the reason why this one cant happen, is because if i dont get anywhere now, if i dont do what i can with life, there will be no coolness to my stories, granted i have allot now, but what does that get me... about 4 years of stories when i'm 80...

D - DON'T try and tell me i'm atractive, or that i'm decent looking. i know i'm not fat, i hate people that are slightly out of shape that call themselves fat. i know i could do better, work out, eat right... but i dont, i dont know why... pretty people are happier, they just are. you cant tell me that they dont have it easier. if i had...lets say...Chad, Jake B, or Mariusz Pudzianowski's body, i would have NO PROBLEMS in life... except upkeep, wich would go because i'm a lazy procrastinator...

E- All the people who lent me a signifigant amout of money, or put up with me barrowing a little bit here and there, oh you are not forgotten, there will be retribution, in the form of meat on trashcan lid...more to come later...


song: the theme to Coyboy Bebop, not the whole thing, just the teaser on the DVD cause fish is a vag and fell asleep watching it and i'm to lazy to go up and turn it off.... i might call him...

pockets: empty money clip (i have to stop emptying my pockets before posting, it would make this so much more interesting)

Hours of work spent watching t.v. and because of said watching screwed up orders : 4.5 / 5 (i love my job)