Sometimes i wish i could just walk away from everything


not everything...

Well I'm gonna to go then. And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything except this. [picks up an ashtray] And that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need...

quote from jerk... it makes me realize that i don't want to leave it all behind, i just wish i could balance a little better. I took a few days off for myself, and i feel horible about it. yea, i needed it, but i could have been doing so much more with my time.

sometimes i feel like i'm running in thigh high water, still getting to where i need to be, but so much slower than i want to.

I can't wait untill i have free time, to spend with Kari, and to not worry about anything, not to have people depending on me so much.

sometimes i feel like there is so much going on and i'm letting so many people down i'm just overwhelmed.

i want to go on vacation, to that island with white sand and the weathertorn hammock without a care in the world, but who would wory then?

i dont want to sound cocky, but a good amout of people come to me for guidance and i tend to form a strong fallowing. i wish i didn't have charisma or leadership skills sometimes. i wish i could be in the background, not having a strong opinion and just going with the flow like some of my friends do. but right now, there is so much chaos going on that if someone doesn't step up and take charge, nothing will get done.

but i take too much on, i think i can handle it all then i miss a date or a fuddle somthing up, forget to tell someone somthing important.

its times like these i wish i could just sit in a large leather recliner, smoke a cigar, and sip a glass of brandy

just to relax thats all i want, thats all i require, thats all i need in life right now, and because of all thats going on i cant even relax arround kari.

somthing needs to go right, somthing needs to happen that will tell me everythings ok, that i wont go insane, that this is all worth it.

the only thing i have right now that is going the way i want it to is my relationship, and thats perfect as far as i can see. sometimes I use my feelings twards kari to make everything ok. just imagining the perfect day we had on our first date, getting back to the twilight where all we could hear was the water and our breathing.

that was relaxation. this is not.

i feel that just my snorkel is above water and i'm treading water with one leg...










sorry folks, i'm not in the best of moods now. i wish i could revert to PEANUTS and tank a bottle of mad dog and go streaking. but i can't anymore........