i shouldn't just be let allone to sit and study, not only do i not study (because for some odd reason i think i'll be bale to skate by in life like i've been doing sooooo well on so far) but i sit and think about quitting.

sad fact is i might not come back after this semester. i owe too much money, i'm not putting my heart into it, i'm not putting school ahead of life now. i should be striving to leave, but i'm some sort of masochistic Van Wilder. i see the chalange of getting kicked out of school and in some strange way welcome it.

i'm not getting anything out of this, i'm thinking about just saying screw thid university and finishing out at a 2 year, then in a few years go for my design degree after i get some real world experience.

its shitty how the world works, i have to struggle through some menial bullshit, so i can have a menial job doing nothing important, so i can aquire things, and feighn happyness.

i'll never be happy with that. I know theres more out there. this is the second time i'll reference 'Pippin' in this Blog.

Everything has its season
Everything has its time
Show me a reason and I'll soon show you a rhyme
Cats fit on the windowsill
Children fit in the snow
Why do I feel I don't fit in anywhere I go?

Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly
I've got to be where my spirit can run free
Got to find my corner of the sky

Every man has his daydreams
Every man has his goal
People like the way dreams have
Of sticking to the soul
Thunderclouds have their lightning
Nightingales have their song
And don't you see I want my life to be
Something more than long....

Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly
I've got to be where my spirit can run free
Got to find my corner of the sky

So many men seem destined
To settle for something small
But I won't rest until I know I'll have it all
So don't ask where I'm going
Just listen when I'm gone
And far away you'll hear me singing
Softly to the dawn:

Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly
I've got to be where my spirit can run free
Got to find my corner of the sky

i need a purpose. somthing thats specific to me. All my life i lived to make people happy and to make things right. but more and more i'm finding that i can't do that. i can't make people happy if i'm not happy with myself.

i've got some searching to do. i'm waiting for that dare to be great situation. i havent even seen 'say anything...' but thats what i'm waiting for, some action that will define my life and how things will work out for me.

to clarify, i'm not waiting for somthing to plop into my lap, i know in this life you have to go after what you want to get it.




but what if you have no idea what you want....






i'm a lost soul on a broken pathway, just like the rest of us. i just hope that my life is important enough to not spiral downward, but also not maintain the path its on right now...


i need somthing.