so i went Kinda AWOL today and yesterday... i honestly dont think anyone noticed... wich saddens me

but i digress. i was in milwaukee painting Bill's new Condo. i bet i put in a solid 15 hours of painting sence monday night. it looks sweet. i'll put the pictures up on the DHE, and i'm proud of it. after i was done and got all oraganised and looking perfect hailey, denise, marty and haileys freind showed up. i was truly nervous. i mean, this was one of the first times i went from an idea phase, planning out , looking at the project, consulting with the homeonwner, doing the labor, making the place look marvelous and having people who knew what it looked like before look at it again.

it was like those shows where they put like 5 grand into a new living room or somthing without telling you. haileys look was just what i needed. i know what i want to do.

i paint, and i design. I'm good at it. I like doing it. It pays well. I'm happy.



while i was writing this i was talking to Matt Volden, and he wanted me to look up if i was actually dismissed or not, cause i never got 'the letter'.

looks like they didn't kick me out after all...

but i'm going undeclaired, taking some art classes... the basics... just to get more into design. then next fall i'm going to go to MATC. i'm dead set on it. only thing that would stop me would be finances.

fucking money, always keeping me from doing what i want



...so its been 4(ish) post sence i mentioned kari. i actually had 2 days in a row where nothing reminded me of her, it was odd, but welcome. also a good thing. cause i gotta vent about somthing that happened today.

and unless otherwise stated, i know the all caps anonymous is you AL, just put a name on it for petes sake, and this is what happened and how i felt. live with it.

anyways... so i made Kari a Christmas present, a mix CD that had all the songs that were the good time songs, song that reminded me of how things were. i specificaly stated in the letter attached that this was NOT an attempt to get back together, becuae it wasn't. i also got her a skarf.

now i really don't like looking a gift horse in the mouth, but i'd like to think that we did have those good times and that she did know me well enough to get somthing personal, i wouldn't care how much it costed or where it came from, just to know she put some thought into it, really i didn't expect anything at all because of how things had gone the last few months.

so her reply to me getting her somthing was to give me a watch that she gets from work. i thought sweet! those are good looking watches. but every time she brought them up, she kept saying that "i have tons of them laying arround", at the time, i didn't care, a free watch thats supposed to be expensive... sweet deal.

so today when i was at bills painting she stopped by, almost reluctantly, trying to get out of there as soon as possible. she complimented my work and the colors, we shot the shit for a bit, then she handed me the watch and put it on. Bill was looking at it and said somthing like "nice watch" wich she replied 'i have a ton, do you want one?'

now how do you think i feel at this point? someone i had a grand conection too, i have to resort to making sure i wash my hands good and hard so i can keep small talk up to see how shes been before i get the goodbye hug?

one of my newer friends got a tad bit of a vent on this today, and she asked me a good question; somthing allong the lines of "was it hard getting over her?"

my instant and honest relpy; 'it gets easier every day'


now she might have had somewhere to go, thats fine, she might not have thought that was ... i dont want to say disrespectfull, i dont want to say hurtfull, i dont really know the word... lets just say wrong. she might have assumed the oposite, i picked out a few i liked, she picked from that list.

its all in the presentation. its not what you say, its how you say it.




yes, this has been a rant. you decided you wanted to come here, read a bit of my insanity. its your fault that you wanted to see what my version of truth is.

now go away.