so its been a bit. I'm happy in general, but disgusted in sections in life. I'm not happy with myself. I sit here on my days off and really do nothing. I could be out doing all the little things that are built up on my to do list, but no, i just chill.

i keep saying Madison will be better for me. It will, but why start in Madison? I was up early today because i was up late last night aimlessly flipping through channels and not paying atention to anything but wanting to get rid of my second and more evil personality.

the one that hits the snooze FOREVER. the one that could get me up and have me be productive but chooses to have me be late to work or wake up JUST in time to do my lacidazical morning ritual. I Like to have time to myself, but lately i've been becoming restless...

a part of me wants to spend it with that special someone, but thats like wanting to drive when your 14, i think i can do it, but theres no way its gonna happen {depressing i know, but true... i'll stop}. I put my neck out there for a girl i thought things could work and got shot down, now i'm just reaching, not to downplay anyone, but i've pretty much given up on having anytihng meaningfull come out of whitewater as of now. therefore i look to madison...

BUT I"M STILL HERE!!... its flustrating. I try and get closer to people but the more i think about it the more i'm becoming the one thing i hated about people that were moving on. I'm gone. I still want to do all i can for my fraternity, my store, my friends. but when it comes down too it i know i'm going too be leaving a good portion of you all behind. i hate that.

But i'll be arround, i know everyone says it, but for a good summer i'll have nothing to do but work part time. Full time i hope for a bit, and maybe longer depending on if i have to take another year off because of the waiting list to MATC.

I'm in another one of my wierd moods. One where i dont know whats going to satisfy me, or what will bring me back. But i dont like what i am right now. I'm boaring, lazy, out of shape.



What happened to me? I used to be cool...